Mike Sweet https://www.mikesweet.co.uk Mike Sweet – 10 Minute Coach – NLP In Action Sun, 22 Jul 2018 08:30:38 +0000 en-GB hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=5.2.2 Mike Sweet clean Mike Sweet mike@mikesweet.co.uk mike@mikesweet.co.uk (Mike Sweet) Mike Sweet - © NLP In Action 2016 Mike Sweet https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/wp-content/plugins/powerpress/rss_default.jpg https://www.mikesweet.co.uk 023 – Reframing in NLP https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/023-reframing-in-nlp/ Sun, 18 Mar 2018 12:00:32 +0000 https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/?p=47688 https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/023-reframing-in-nlp/#respond https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/023-reframing-in-nlp/feed/ 0 <p>Reframing in NLP is a core element. It’s a simple yet powerful process that can mean the difference between you have a stressed and uptight life or one much more enjoyable one. Seriously, it really is that good. And the great news is, you’ll already do this in some shape or form.  You can use reframing […]</p> <p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/023-reframing-in-nlp/">023 – Reframing in NLP</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk">Mike Sweet</a>.</p> Reframing in NLP is a core element. It’s a simple yet powerful process that can mean the difference between you have a stressed and uptight life or one much more enjoyable one. Seriously, it really is that good. And the great news is, you’ll already do this in some shape or form. 

You can use reframing is a situation when you feel powerless or angry, as it helps to empower you by changing the meaning of the experience. Let’s say, for example, that your relationship ends—that seems awful, but try to see it from different perspectives.

When faced with a real challenge we often already reframe, but to our detriment. Questions like:

“She’s left me because I’m worthless”
“She knows I’m not good enough”

Will make us feel really bad.

What is reframing in NLP?

In it’s most basic form, reframing is simply guessing again!
Back to the relationship example, ask yourself now, why are you now a better person now that the relationship has ended?
Or,
Now the relationship has ended, what can you now have or do that you couldn’t before?
What do you know because of that relationship?

I remember a few years back and I had a client come to see me for road rage. This was proper road rage, every journey he had was an anger filled event.

Anyway, the chap arrived 10 minutes late, slammed his car door and stormed into my office. He went on to explain he was late because some woman didn’t get going at the lights and they went red before he had a chance to go.

So I asked him, “what may have caused her to not go?”
He said “It was almost as if she was just trying to get in the way. Like she’d been put there to make him late.” Interesting I thought. Even I can see how that may make a person a little angry, Getting in my way on purpose would get my back up for sure. But, in this case, we now know the anger is fulled from a “Guess” and a “Fabrication” of what was going on. The truth, unfortunately, we will never know.

So in a nutshell, this man made himself angry, by guessing something most probably not true and held onto that. Now, this is a perfect time to reframe.

We’re aiming to create possibility in what could have happened.  

Here are some examples of what we could say:

‘Perhaps she was lost and was reading her map on her knee”

“Perhaps she was very old and frightened on traffic lights”

“Could she have had car issues not pulling away?”

“She may be on the way to a funeral and is crying so she missed the change of lights”

Now, notice your response to those statements. Some create more questions and frustration, some may make you feel guilty, some neutral but plausible.

But, I knew with this particular character I needed to go extreme. Extreme anger needed another extreme response.

So I said “She’d probably split a cup of coffee in her lap and burnt her bits” 

As soon as I’d said that, my client went from red-faced angry to red face crying with laughter. That reframe transformed his view. As this was a possibility for him too, it was accepted and he loved it.

Reframing is nothing more than having another guess. We know by now that we all have our own map of the world, so we never really know, even when we do know. 

So, when faced with any situation that frustrates, makes you angry or disempowers. Ask yourself a question to reframe the situation and generate a new outcome for yourself. What else could it mean? is the best question to get the reframing muscle working. And how do you know you’re doing it well, you feel better.

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Reframing in NLP is a core element. It’s a simple yet powerful process that can mean the difference between you have a stressed and uptight life or one much more enjoyable one. Seriously, it really is that good. And the great news is, Reframing in NLP is a core element. It’s a simple yet powerful process that can mean the difference between you have a stressed and uptight life or one much more enjoyable one. Seriously, it really is that good. And the great news is, you’ll already do this in some shape or form.  You can use reframing […] Mike Sweet clean 11:09
022 – Deletions in NLP https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/022-deletions-in-nlp/ Sat, 20 Jan 2018 17:03:58 +0000 https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/?p=47256 https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/022-deletions-in-nlp/#respond https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/022-deletions-in-nlp/feed/ 0 <p>This is the last section on the Meta-Model. Deletions in NLP. There are 3 areas that I’ll separate out for Deletions. These are Nominalisations, Unspecified verbs and Simple deletions. For clarity, the purpose of understanding deletions is to get to the heart of another person map. We are deletions machines, it allows us to simplify and […]</p> <p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/022-deletions-in-nlp/">022 – Deletions in NLP</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk">Mike Sweet</a>.</p> This is the last section on the Meta-Model. Deletions in NLP.

There are 3 areas that I’ll separate out for Deletions. These are Nominalisations, Unspecified verbs and Simple deletions.

For clarity, the purpose of understanding deletions is to get to the heart of another person map. We are deletions machines, it allows us to simplify and fast track through life, but this means we miss so much of what actually is going on for a person.

The first sections we can take a deep dive into is Nominalisations, I have written a post, podcast and video on this, but in the interest of keeping it all together, here’s another summary.

Nominalisations

These are process words frozen in time. Verbs, becoming nouns.

Waynes Dyer once said you’re only even in 2 places in your life, growing or dying. Think about that for a moment. Every second we age, learn, lie, delete, grow a little, die a little. We are always in flux. Nominalisations are when we make these processes things. Things generally have an association with being statics and stuckness.

Let’s look at some examples:

  • “I have depression
  • “The marriage is failing”
  • “My anxiety is crippling”

Can you spot the Nominalisations? The bolded words. They sound like things, but can you touch, them, pick them up, or throw them? No, they are what Richard Bandler calls “Zombie Nouns.” Things that aren’t actually things at all.

So what?

Notice the implications, if a person says they have depression, then how can they not have it, Where is it, can they forget to take it to work one day? No…

therefore helping a person understand that it’s a process can begin to change all of that.

Meta-Model Challenge

  • “How do you depress yourself?”
  • “What specifically is a marriage?”
  • “What do you specifically mean by anxiety?”

Can you see the implications of these types of questions? Of course, the conversation would carry out so without added too much speculation you can hopefully appreciate the responses could allow a person to see the Nouns more as Verbs. And, things that move have flexibility and possibility.

Unspecified Verbs

An unspecified verb is a process that doesn’t explicitly define how much and to what degree something has changed.

When you hear these, its time to dig a little deeper to discover more. Questions like “How specifically?” are great at uncovering the missing information.

Examples

  • “I’ve tried hard to win the 100m”
  • “Her karaoke is getting on my nerves”
  • “My neighbour trusts me”

How specifically questions can get to the heart of the issue.

How specifically have you been tried, How specifically is her karaoke getting on your nerves and then, how specifically does your neighbour trust you?”

Simple Deletions

A deletion is this…………

Something very obvious is missing.

When you get an idea that something is missing from the picture that you are representing. Then, something probably has been deleted.

Let’s look at some more examples

  • “I love this”
  • “That woman is an Idiot”
  • “You’ll never understand”
  • “I think we’re getting there”

Meta-Model challenges

Let’s make this really simple. You are getting really curious and wanting to fill in the gaps.

“Love what?”
“What do you mean by idiot?”
“Understand what specifically?”
“Getting where exactly?”

Unspecified Referential Index

They say these are the easiest to grasp, regardless of the difficult name. The Australians say, “Spend some time with loved ones and you’ll feel more connected with people.”

Hopefully, you can spot the structure. an Unspecified Referential Index is when a phrase fails to be specific to a person or thing.

Words like: it, she, he, they, us, we, one, someone and even generalisations that refer to groups and subsets of people. African, British, Australians, Terrorists, Journalists etc.

Examples which lack the reference 

  • They say, the world is getting warmer”
  • He’s an angry little man”
  • Terrorists are now all over the world”

The challenges are quite simple, Who says……? Who’s an angry little man? Which terrorists are all over the world now?

Comparative Deletions

The NLP training I offer is better. And, the fact that I’m based in Milton Keyes means it’s easier to get to aswell.

Can you spot how a comparative deletion is structured? The essence is where there is a comparison between things to a greater or lesser extent but what it’s being compared to is not clear or specified.

Learning this is an essential part of the NLP Meta-model. Knowing this makes you more efficient!

Examples of comparative deletions

  • “You can do better than that”
  • “It’s going to be easier travelling around Milton Keynes”
  • “It’s much bigger than the others”

Meta-Model Challenges to Comparative Deletions

  • “Do better than what specifically?”
  • “It’s going to be easier than what specifically?”
  • “What others are you referring to?”

Once you begin to dive into the challenges then the really good stuff comes out. Clarity is ultimately what the meta-model is all about.

Let’s anticipate some possble responses to our meta-model challenges.

  • “Better than 1 date night per month”
  • “Well, easier than before. As of the 1st of January, the town has free to use autonomous vehicles”
  • “The boot space in the cars. The silver one was very small but this boot size is much better for us!”

 

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This is the last section on the Meta-Model. Deletions in NLP. There are 3 areas that I’ll separate out for Deletions. These are Nominalisations, Unspecified verbs and Simple deletions. For clarity, the purpose of understanding deletions is to get to th... This is the last section on the Meta-Model. Deletions in NLP. There are 3 areas that I’ll separate out for Deletions. These are Nominalisations, Unspecified verbs and Simple deletions. For clarity, the purpose of understanding deletions is to get to the heart of another person map. We are deletions machines, it allows us to simplify and […] Mike Sweet clean 15:45
021 – Generalisations in NLP https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/021-generalisations-in-nlp/ Sat, 20 Jan 2018 17:03:23 +0000 https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/?p=47252 https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/021-generalisations-in-nlp/#respond https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/021-generalisations-in-nlp/feed/ 0 <p>Generally speaking, generalisations are everywhere. Learn this and begin to spot generalisations in NLP. Generalisations are one of the fundamental pieces of the Meta-model. With already took a deep dive into distortions which you can find here and also the question, what is the Meta-model and you can find that here too. Generalisations generally occur […]</p> <p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/021-generalisations-in-nlp/">021 – Generalisations in NLP</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk">Mike Sweet</a>.</p> Generally speaking, generalisations are everywhere. Learn this and begin to spot generalisations in NLP.

Generalisations are one of the fundamental pieces of the Meta-model. With already took a deep dive into distortions which you can find here and also the question, what is the Meta-model and you can find that here too.

Generalisations generally occur whenever a person generalises specific information. So much of the Meta-model helps us navigate what we do daily. The Metamodel and the three fundamental pieces are a way for us to get to the heart of the real issue or understand what is the person is aiming to communicate.

It’s very easy to spot generalisations. You’ll often hear in people’s language statements like all CEOs are stressed and I always get ill in December, and to spot that generalisation or to make sense of it, simply add generally speaking to the end of it, and if it fits then ” generally speaking” it’s a generalisation.

Generalisations are broken down into two quantifiable sections. Universal quantifiers and modal operators.

Universal Quantifiers

A universal quantifier is a generalisation that doesn’t allow any exceptions. It’s a way that we state something to be true and then apply that to everything else.

Begin to recognise universal quantifiers by listening out for words such as “always, all, every, never, everyone, no one, nobody, none.”

Examples

  • “It always rains at the weekend”
  • “Everybody loves pizza”
  • “Nobody loves me”

Generalisation Challenges

  • “It always rains at the weekend?”
  • Everybody loves pizza?”
  • Nobody loves you?”

In order to challenge a generalisation, you simply repeat what was said and emphasise the generalisation as a question!

Modal Operators

Modal operators are the other form of generalisation. the technicalities of a modal operator are it’s a type of adverb that precedes a verb and that then indicates that a person is acting out of necessity or possibility.

So in simple terms, it’s something that we have to do, could do or want to do.

Modal operators are usually linked to motivation and direction of motivation.

Things that people, want to do, should, do, can do, must do etc. There is so much implied by modal operators. Listen out.

Whenever you hear modal operators in play, you can begin to question a person’s motivation or intention around that statement. What was it they really wanted to say and what was implied? you can gather more information when you hear a modal operator by asking “what would happen if? what would happen if you didn’t? what stops you?” type questions.

As above, in some cases. Simply repeating the statement but using an upward inflexion questioning tonality can allow a person to revisit the statement and add in more possibility or even certainty.

Examples of necessity Modal Operators

  • “I should go out more”
  • “I have to go to sleep early because I need to travel tomorrow”
  • “We need to have a conservatory built this summer”

Modal Operator Challenges

  • Should go out more?” Upward inflexion on should Or “Should You”?
  • “Is there anything that’s stoppings you?”
  • “What would happen if we don’t?”

Modal Operators of Possibility

Possibility statements are things like Cannes, cannot, will, will not, would, may not, it is possible, it is impossible.

Let’s have a look at some examples of modal operators of possibility and see how they structure and what the possible challenges could be.

Examples

  • “I can’t see myself talking on stage”
  • “It might not be possible for me to change my job”
  • “I think my fitness is to a level that I can teach classes”

Modal Operator Challenges

  • “What stops you seeing yourself talking on stage? what would that look, sound and feel like to you?”
  • “What’s stopping you?”
  • “What would teaching fitness classes do for you?”

So now it’s time to practice practice and practice some more. Set your reticular activating system to begin to notice these linguistic violations to allow you to become a master of understanding what’s really going on.

These examples are from works in Bandler and Grinder Structure of Magic 1, 1975

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Generally speaking, generalisations are everywhere. Learn this and begin to spot generalisations in NLP. Generalisations are one of the fundamental pieces of the Meta-model. With already took a deep dive into distortions which you can find here and als... Generally speaking, generalisations are everywhere. Learn this and begin to spot generalisations in NLP. Generalisations are one of the fundamental pieces of the Meta-model. With already took a deep dive into distortions which you can find here and also the question, what is the Meta-model and you can find that here too. Generalisations generally occur […] Mike Sweet clean 11:46
020 – Distortions in NLP https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/020-distortions-in-nlp/ Sat, 13 Jan 2018 12:00:46 +0000 https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/?p=47199 https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/020-distortions-in-nlp/#respond https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/020-distortions-in-nlp/feed/ 0 <p>There are five main distortions in NLP seen in the Meta model. They are:  Mind reading  Cause-and-effect  Lost performative  Complex equivalence  Presuppositions Mind Reading We are all guilty of mind reading I know you are! A mind read is categorised by knowing what someone else is thinking or feeling but without any information to support […]</p> <p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/020-distortions-in-nlp/">020 – Distortions in NLP</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk">Mike Sweet</a>.</p> There are five main distortions in NLP seen in the Meta model.

They are:

  1.  Mind reading
  2.  Cause-and-effect
  3.  Lost performative
  4.  Complex equivalence
  5.  Presuppositions

Mind Reading

We are all guilty of mind reading I know you are! A mind read is categorised by knowing what someone else is thinking or feeling but without any information to support that thought. Mind reading can come in lots of different forms. One of them which is very common is knowing what a person is thinking or feeling. Another is how others should know how we think and feel. And lastly predicting the future or proper sizing what is going to happen.

Whenever you hear mind reading type statements you can begin to ask questions using ‘how’ and ‘what.’

Examples:

  1. “He wants to ask me out”
  2. “You don’t give me what I want”
  3. “I just know Christmas will be a disaster”
  4. “I know that you will want to live in the Cotswolds when you see my house”
  5. “You have no idea what is going to happen”

Meta model challenges to those statements

  1. “How do you know he wants to ask you out?”
  2. “What do you want specifically?”
  3. “Really? How specifically do you know that?”
  4. “How do you know that when I see your house in the Cotswolds I want to live there?”
  5. “How do you know that I have no idea what is going to happen?”

Possible Reply

  1. “Well, he’s always nervous when he’s around me”
  2. “I want to feel like wearing this together”
  3. “It’s just that December has been a nightmare so far so it will probably continue”
  4. “Because I did when I visited a friend here”
  5. “Because I think it’s going to be worse than you given credit for”

Cause and Effect

Recognising a cause-and-effect Meta model violation is when you spot and X causes why configurations in the language. so much of our life is in a cause-and-effect format that has a tendency to make connections where there is none. “If you do your homework, then you can stay up late on Friday.” “If you pass all of your grades at school, you will get a good job.”

So in the Meta model for cause and effect, we are looking for violations where someone associates X causes Y.

Whenever you spot this cause-and-effect violation it’s time to begin asking more questions to find out how specifically do they know that X causes Y?

Examples:

  1. “My boss makes me angry when he doesn’t come in early on Monday”
  2. “If my daughter fails her dance exam I will be disappointed”
  3. “Going to the gym will wear a body out”
  4. “If you drink alcohol you will get dementia”
  5. “Getting married made my brother the depressive he is today”

Meta Model Challenges

  1. “How specifically that his lateness make you angry? What about if he’s late on Tuesday?”
  2. “How will you disappoint yourself?”
  3. “How do you know that to be true? do you know of any gym goers who haven’t worn at their body? Just how much Gym does it take to wear out your body?”
  4. “How much alcohol specifically? Do you know of anyone who does drink alcohol who hasn’t got dementia?  I drink some alcohol are you sure I will get dementia?”
  5. “What was it about marrying that made your brother begin to depress himself?”

Lost Performative

Recognising a lost performative is when you hear a person say something like, “We will end up living on Mars by 2050” or “Only weak people stay in relationships.”

The structure of a lost performative is an opinion stated as a fact and a value judgement that does not say who had that value.

You can begin to challenge lost performative type statements by asking “who says, according to whom and how do you know that?” type of questions.

Examples: 

  1. “It’s good to go to the Gym three times per week”
  2. “You need to go on as many training courses as you can”
  3. “Reading is relaxing”

Meta model Challenges to those statements

  1. “Who says it’s good to go to the gym three times a week?”
  2. “Who says you need to go in as many training courses you can, and how do you know that to be true?”
  3. “According to whom?”

Possible replies to the challenges

  1. “I heard it on a podcast about health”
  2. “The person who was teaching me NLP!”
  3. “Well, I find reading relaxing!”

Complex Equivalence

A complex equivalence is very similar to cause-and-effect. Just as we, cause-and-effect is when X  causes Y. And complex equivalence can be recognised by hearing a statement that says X means Y.

“The fact that you’re reading watching or listening to this means that you’ll find something new!”

it’s amazing how often you will hear people attach meaning to something very different.

“The fact that you’re changing your job means that you are outgrowing your family”

Whenever you hear convex equivalent type statements you can challenge them by asking. “So does X have to always equal Y? Could it mean anything else? Does it always have to mean that?”

Examples:

  1. “You’re not coming to bed the same time as me, you don’t love me as much anymore”
  2. “Bitcoin value is rising our government isn’t going to last”
  3. “Samsung are late releasing the new phone, so there’s tension growing between North and South Korea.”

Meta model challenges

  1. “How does me staying up to finish watching this documentary mean I don’t love you as much?”
  2. “How does Bitcoin rising mean our government isn’t going to last?”
  3. “How does Samsung being late to release their new phone mean there’s growing tension between North and South Korea?”

Possible replies

  1. “I think married couples should always go to bed together to show there is a bond.” 
  2. “Well, Bitcoin is anti-establishment so I think a rise in its value means a fall in the governments holds.”
  3. “They’ve never been late to release a new phone so It’s obviously a big political reason.”

Presuppositions

If you’ve been looking into NLP you have heard the word presupposition quite frequently. A presupposition is simply a part of the statement has to be presupposed to be true in order for that sentence to make sense.

We challenge presuppositions to allow us to gain more specific detail and get closer to the truth. Let’s look at some working examples of presuppositions in NLP.

Examples

  1. In court, a judge might say “have you stopped beating your wife?” This statement presupposes that the husband was, in fact, beating his wife.
  2. “What’s your problem?” This presupposes that a person does have a problem.
  3. “Are you not intelligent enough to work this out?”  This statement presupposes that there is something to work out, intelligence is required to work it out.
  4. “Enjoy your next burger even more” Presupposes that someone has had a burger and they will have another at some point.

Meta model challenges

You can use any suitable meta model question to dive more deeply into the intention behind any presupposition.

  • “Your honour, are you suggesting I did want to beat my wife? could there be any other explanation to her bruised arm?”
  • You could answer this provocatively. “Well, what’s my problem? Depends on how long you’ve got!”
  • “My next burger? how do you know of had one in the first place?”

with everything, practice makes permanent. To save this and come back to this article many times and really begin to notice these distortions in NLP in other people’s language and even yours.

Have a play around with some of the Meta model challenges and begin to notice how you’re able to really open up a person’s map to allow you to understand more richly and more deeply.

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There are five main distortions in NLP seen in the Meta model. They are:  Mind reading  Cause-and-effect  Lost performative  Complex equivalence  Presuppositions Mind Reading We are all guilty of mind reading I know you are! There are five main distortions in NLP seen in the Meta model. They are:  Mind reading  Cause-and-effect  Lost performative  Complex equivalence  Presuppositions Mind Reading We are all guilty of mind reading I know you are! A mind read is categorised by knowing what someone else is thinking or feeling but without any information to support […] Mike Sweet clean 15:46
019 – What Is the NLP Meta Model https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/019-nlp-meta-model/ Fri, 12 Jan 2018 12:00:52 +0000 https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/?p=47197 https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/019-nlp-meta-model/#respond https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/019-nlp-meta-model/feed/ 0 <p>The NLP Meta model is a linguistic process that was developed back in the 70s by Richard Bandler and John Grinder. The Meta model gives you a set of questions that allow you to gain some high-quality information. By now, you probably understand that each of us represents the world very differently. We have our […]</p> <p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/019-nlp-meta-model/">019 – What Is the NLP Meta Model</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk">Mike Sweet</a>.</p> The NLP Meta model is a linguistic process that was developed back in the 70s by Richard Bandler and John Grinder. The Meta model gives you a set of questions that allow you to gain some high-quality information. By now, you probably understand that each of us represents the world very differently. We have our own map. The Meta model allows you to question a person’s map to discover more detail and more of what is real.

Starting from the fact that we all experience life differently through our senses. And each of us distorts, generalise and delete lots of information at any given time. Each of our maps is completely different because of our internal representations are different. The Meta model allows us to explore a person’s map in more detail.

The NLP Meta model has three distinct categories

  1. Distortions
  2. Generalisations
  3. Deletions

Distortions

Distortion is the process that allows you to take an experience and change it. Whenever we bring in information through our senses, we hold that in our memory in a way that is right for us at that time. If we don’t talk about that event, we generally blur the lines between fact and fiction and we use our own language to describe what happened.

We often use distortions when we recall conversations, explain what happened and describe what and why we want something for example.

Generalisations

Generalisations are essential in our life. We use generalisations to garner information from one area to allow us to learn or understand another area. for example, if I was to show you a stool that you’d never seen before, you would know that that was a stool. It has three legs and a top, therefore, it must be a stool.

Generalisations can also work against you. Just because your last two bosses were horrible to you, doesn’t necessarily mean all bosses are horrible. Our ability to generalise helps us massively. also, our ability to generalise can also lead us to make unhelpful connections generally.

Deletions

We are deletion machines. It is said that there are over 2 billion pieces of information bombarding our senses at any one time. yet, we are only able to process between five and nine pieces of information at any one time.

it’s simply not possible to pay attention to all of the information around us at any one time. Whatever you choose to be aware of will normally be picked up by your attention. You can select what it is you want to focus on and your senses will begin to notice those things. But think of how many processes are happening outside of your conscious awareness. That time a wasp was chasing you around the garden, did you notice how nice the flower smelt?

What we notice and what we focus on generally become real for us. This is why it’s important to understand our usual structure of how we delete things. Imagine having a mindset where you consciously look for things to be appreciative for and things that go right. They are the things that you will notice and that will become real to you.

Big corporations often focus on areas that can be improved. this is fine from a constructive point of view in most cases, however, the people involved will find it difficult to see the successes and the enjoyment of the work that they are doing.

Check out the Reticular activating system and what you focus on increases for more on how our own radar works.

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The NLP Meta model is a linguistic process that was developed back in the 70s by Richard Bandler and John Grinder. The Meta model gives you a set of questions that allow you to gain some high-quality information. By now, The NLP Meta model is a linguistic process that was developed back in the 70s by Richard Bandler and John Grinder. The Meta model gives you a set of questions that allow you to gain some high-quality information. By now, you probably understand that each of us represents the world very differently. We have our […] Mike Sweet clean 9:34
018 – NLP Beliefs of Excellence Part 2 https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/018-nlp-beliefs-excellence-part-2/ Thu, 11 Jan 2018 12:00:09 +0000 https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/?p=47195 https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/018-nlp-beliefs-excellence-part-2/#respond https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/018-nlp-beliefs-excellence-part-2/feed/ 0 <p>This is part 2 of the NLP beliefs of excellence. Here is Part 1 You Cannot Not Communicate We understand communication is something that we usually do verbally. However, any thoughts or feelings that are happening internally, will begin to affect us physiologically on the outside and therefore will be communicating with others how and […]</p> <p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/018-nlp-beliefs-excellence-part-2/">018 – NLP Beliefs of Excellence Part 2</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk">Mike Sweet</a>.</p> This is part 2 of the NLP beliefs of excellence. Here is Part 1

You Cannot Not Communicate

We understand communication is something that we usually do verbally. However, any thoughts or feelings that are happening internally, will begin to affect us physiologically on the outside and therefore will be communicating with others how and where we are at that time. whether verbally or nonverbally we cannot not communicate, and others around us are always communicating.

The Meaning Of The Communication Is The Response You Get

I’m sure you can think of many times when you were  talking with a person only to have them reject what you were saying and then you follow up with “that wasn’t what I meant.”

When you understand that we are all different and that there is no failure only feedback. You can begin to hold on to the belief that the meaning of the communication is the response that you get and therefore begin to take full ownership of your language and communication to ensure you get your message across in the way that you desire whilst paying particular attention to another person’s map.

There Is A Positive Intention Behind Every Behaviour

This is sometimes difficult belief to swallow. However, if you do accept that there is a positive intention behind every behaviour. Then you can begin to question and wonder how another person may have constructed that within their map of the world.

If you see someone demonstrate behaviour that you don’t like. What must be the positive intention for them at that time given the resources available to them?

Adopting this belief requires you to be curious and less judgemental.

People Are Always Making The Best Choices Available To Them

Each of us has our own unique personal history.  this personal history defines and shapes our future choices and decisions. The combination of past events and history and current states emotions and knowledge allow people to make the best choices available to them at that time.

Ever heard the saying “with hindsight I’d……?”

This demonstrates that people are also able to review a situation or choice that they had made with hindsight and realise that they may have chosen something different had that information is available to them at that time.

There Is No Failure Only Feedback

This belief of excellence has become more and more common. However, break it down into its simplest form and it’s baffling it’s even a thing. Nearly everything that we learn to do in life comes from repetition, change in strategy or direction and multiple attempts until we improve or get it right.

If as a child, we didn’t have this embedded within us. Would all be crawling as adults is after failing, falling down repeatedly. We would see as a failure rather than feedback and be done with our lot crawling on all hands and knees for the rest of our lives.

As adults though, most of us shy away from the potential of failure. this is just a gentle reminder to say that every time you fail, you’ll receive feedback and you’ll be better able to make a more educated move the next time.

We Have All Of The Resources That We Need

This can be a very empowering belief. I remember saying to my first NLP Trainer “but we don’t, that’s why we need to learn new things. We don’t have the resources but with learning, we can have.

To which he responded, “and you do have the resources you need to know that you need to learn more which is why you’re on this course.”

Whenever I think of this belief of excellence now, I always think of the film my left foot

Sometimes the resources that we need are available to us they just require a little bit more effort.

Try some of these beliefs of excellence on size and noticed the impact that they have.

The post 018 – NLP Beliefs of Excellence Part 2 appeared first on Mike Sweet.

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This is part 2 of the NLP beliefs of excellence. Here is Part 1 You Cannot Not Communicate We understand communication is something that we usually do verbally. However, any thoughts or feelings that are happening internally, This is part 2 of the NLP beliefs of excellence. Here is Part 1 You Cannot Not Communicate We understand communication is something that we usually do verbally. However, any thoughts or feelings that are happening internally, will begin to affect us physiologically on the outside and therefore will be communicating with others how and […] Mike Sweet clean 10:45
017 – NLP Beliefs of Excellence Part 1 https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/017-nlp-beliefs-of-excellence-part-1/ Wed, 10 Jan 2018 12:00:39 +0000 https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/?p=47192 https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/017-nlp-beliefs-of-excellence-part-1/#respond https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/017-nlp-beliefs-of-excellence-part-1/feed/ 0 <p>What and how we believe can dramatically change the way we live our lives. And the great thing about beliefs is we can change them at any time that we choose. NLP, which is the study of excellence which to put even more simply. The study of what works. And from studying what works comes […]</p> <p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/017-nlp-beliefs-of-excellence-part-1/">017 – NLP Beliefs of Excellence Part 1</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk">Mike Sweet</a>.</p> What and how we believe can dramatically change the way we live our lives. And the great thing about beliefs is we can change them at any time that we choose.

NLP, which is the study of excellence which to put even more simply. The study of what works. And from studying what works comes these beliefs of excellence. Have a read through these beliefs of excellence and try them on the size. If you absorb and live by these beliefs, imagine how differently you would see situations.

Each person is unique –  The Map Is Not The Territory

This is perhaps the most common for all of NLP. When you understand each person is individual, then, we are all different. Each of us has our mental maps that we interpret the world to arrive our very own conclusion. These, differ from person to person. each new experience and interpretation of the experience is usually shaded in some way by our experience. This is partially what gives us our uniqueness.

Each Experience Has A Structure

This can be viewed as all knowledge, memories, thoughts and imaginations are merely a result of the way we have filters installed all previous information. All of our thoughts and our memories have a pattern structure to them. And these are what allow us to anchor our emotional states and feelings to past experiences. The structure that is created within each experience allows us to fast-track back to an initial thought feeling or emotion at a specific time. If an unhelpful experience has a structure, they were able to change the structure which would change the output of that experience. This is one of the ways that change can occur using NLP techniques.

If Someone Can Do It –  Anyone Can Do It

This belief of excellence has been in place in NLP since the mid-70s. Only recently, Carol Dweck has added some sound science to this belief in her study of fixed versus growth mindsets.

What a great belief to hold. Also, if every experience has a structure, then everything that anyone does with excellence will also have a structure. Modelling, which is the cornerstone of NLP can allow a person to uncover another’s excellence and try that on for size.

There Is A Solution To Every Problem

I believe that this belief is becoming more and more common. We live in a world now where we can access so much information, which solutions can become easier to find. If you do what you’ve always done then you’ll get you always got. So when you believe that there is a solution to every problem, then you can look at the issue as temporary and use the tote model to begin to seek the solution intelligently.

The Mind And Body Are Parts of The Same System

Whatever and however we think directly affects our physiology. But also, our physiology directly affects our psychology. This completely two-way street. You’ve heard the saying ” fake it until you make it,” which is now probably overused. However, there is a lot of sense in this because whenever a person acts confident and relaxed about the situation, then they will get able to feel that.

The converse is true also. When you act and feel depressed, then you’re more likely to feel depressive feelings. The mind controls the body, and the body controls the mind they are parts of the same system

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What and how we believe can dramatically change the way we live our lives. And the great thing about beliefs is we can change them at any time that we choose. NLP, which is the study of excellence which to put even more simply. What and how we believe can dramatically change the way we live our lives. And the great thing about beliefs is we can change them at any time that we choose. NLP, which is the study of excellence which to put even more simply. The study of what works. And from studying what works comes […] Mike Sweet clean 8:30
016 – NLP Nominalisations https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/016-nlp-nominalisations/ Tue, 09 Jan 2018 17:27:27 +0000 https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/?p=47151 https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/016-nlp-nominalisations/#respond https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/016-nlp-nominalisations/feed/ 0 <p>Nominalisations happen whenever a person describes a process (Verb) as a thing (Noun). Usually, a thing that cannot be picked up. You will hear NLP’ers talk about nominalisations is nouns that you can’t put in a wheelbarrow. You will begin to come to new understandings of this as you learn more about NLP. The word understandings here […]</p> <p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/016-nlp-nominalisations/">016 – NLP Nominalisations</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk">Mike Sweet</a>.</p> Nominalisations happen whenever a person describes a process (Verb) as a thing (Noun). Usually, a thing that cannot be picked up. You will hear NLP’ers talk about nominalisations is nouns that you can’t put in a wheelbarrow.

You will begin to come to new understandings of this as you learn more about NLP.

The word understandings here is a ‘thing’ you will have. So, therefore, an item which is not tangible. ‘Understandings’ is a nominalisation. A summary of an action, into an item.

Nominalisations are stuck in time. Much of NLP is about uncovering and discovering the real meaning or intention behind the communication. Whenever a person describes something using a nominalisation, it seems very factual and stable. As a person working with an individual who is using nominalisations and feels trapped. You can begin to help them realise that the nominalisation is apparent and could become a process which is a verb.

I can’t say this enough; nouns are fixed and definite. Verbs are actions and allow for change.

As cliche as it might sound, the only thing constant is change. So helping a person realise and understand that their descriptions of themselves or an event in nouns can feel far more freeing when they are changed into verbs. Action items

An identifying statement of “I have anxiety.”  Allows that person to own anxiety as a thing. Of course, nothing that they are unable to touch, locate, remove or forget to take to work one day. It can become a thing that people aren’t able to get past.

But when a person identifies with anxiety as a process, then the possibility of changing it is far easier to notice. “I’m feeling anxious.”

Some examples of nominalisations

I have a belief (Noun) to, I’m believing (Verb)
My relationship needs some work (Double noun in this one)
We’re working on the way we both relate to each other.
I have depression. “How do you depress yourself?”
Your behaviour is terrible Could change too. You’re behaving terribly

When you begin to notice nominalisations in communication you can become a master influencer and negotiator.

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Nominalisations happen whenever a person describes a process (Verb) as a thing (Noun). Usually, a thing that cannot be picked up. You will hear NLP’ers talk about nominalisations is nouns that you can’t put in a wheelbarrow. Nominalisations happen whenever a person describes a process (Verb) as a thing (Noun). Usually, a thing that cannot be picked up. You will hear NLP’ers talk about nominalisations is nouns that you can’t put in a wheelbarrow. You will begin to come to new understandings of this as you learn more about NLP. The word understandings here […] Mike Sweet clean 7:05
015 – Learning Frames of NLP – And How To Apply Them https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/015-learning-frames-nlp/ Sun, 17 Dec 2017 12:41:07 +0000 https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/?p=46703 https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/015-learning-frames-nlp/#respond https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/015-learning-frames-nlp/feed/ 0 <p>The is session number 15. This is about learning frames of NLP. A picture can change by merely changing its frame. Learning frames in NLP allows us to view situations through different lenses. I’ll show 7 NLP learning frames in this session. These are the most used and helpful. In my opinion. The Outcome Frame The Outcome Frame is a […]</p> <p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/015-learning-frames-nlp/">015 – Learning Frames of NLP – And How To Apply Them</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk">Mike Sweet</a>.</p> The is session number 15. This is about learning frames of NLP.

A picture can change by merely changing its frame. Learning frames in NLP allows us to view situations through different lenses.

I’ll show 7 NLP learning frames in this session. These are the most used and helpful. In my opinion.

The Outcome Frame

The Outcome Frame is a process that will enable you to find out what people want, and then discover what, if any resources they will require to get what they want. The outcome frame is a created by questioning a person about the outcomes and what they are like for them. It also maximises the chances of getting what they want and can even allow them to evaluate whether they do want it.

“What do you want?”
“How will you know when you have it?”
“What resources do you need to achieve your outcome?”
“What resources do you have that will help you get x?

Working through an outcome frame is very useful to build possibility in a person map. Also, see Well-Formed Outcomes for more on this

Ecology Frame

What’s the impact of an event or action you think you want to undertake?

“What might you lose as a result of getting what you want?”
“What stops you from having x?”

Initially, an event or action may seem logical and worth aiming for. However, when you look through the ecology lens/frame something, you consider things differently.

As If Frame

As If or fake it until you make it. This has a fantastic effect on a persons ability to be more creative and discover new possible solutions. Basically, what would it be like if something was different?

Some examples:
The CEO is away for two weeks, and a significant decision needs to be made.

“What would Mary (CEO) suggest we do now?”

“What will it feel like to have lost three stone in the next six months?”

“If a miracle happened tonight and I had what I wanted, what would that be?”

The “As If” frame is a great way to build possibility. Possibility breeds more possibility and creativity. This is a fantastic way for you and team to break the mould and think and act differently

“What would we do it we stopped allowing ourselves to be limited this way?”

“What would we do as a company if we weren’t concerned with cash flow?”

Backtrack Frame

Sometimes called the clarity frame. This is essential for group communication and project management.

You’ll hear people use this without intention.

“Let’s just backtrack for a moment.”

You can use the backtrack frame to check and clarify. This will also boost confidence in the recipient/s as you backtrack and re-confirm all of the salient points. Backtracking allows people to move forward from the same point of reference. If a negotiation is going off track, backtrack, re-align and head forward again. It’s a fantastic way to discover where the misalignments, if any, are.

Relevancy Frame

The backtrack frame is useful for discovering the pattern which we are to follow and make sure everyone is on the same page. The relevancy frame is a lens you use if you think a person is “off track”. If a line of communication is not relevant, it’s easy to muddy the waters. Use the relevancy frame to discover “how is this relevant to this discussion?”

You may well discover how, or park that line of communication to keep things on track. Either way, the relevancy frame keeps communication clean.

Contrast Frame

This is a standard frame. We often compare and contrast options when purchasing.

But think of this as creating a contrast to highlight that action should be taken now. Perhaps a company have called to hire you to train their sales team.

“If you don’t commit your sales team to this training now, how much could this cost you over the next 12 months in missed sales?”

This is a great way to contrast “Buying your services” vs “Losing sales”

Highlighting offers 

This laptop has 8GB of memory 25bGB hard drive and a 2.2ghz processor which costs £1125 and this laptop has 16gb of memory, 1TB SSD hard drive an i7 3.4GHz processor and a 5-year warranty for £1395

Take a look at pricing anchors. This is creating a contrasting frame at its best

Open Frame

Anything goes. What’s on your mind right now and what do you feel like expressing?

There is a technique called WIFLE. What I Feel Like Expressing
This is an amazing frame to allow people to open up. Non-scripted.

Imagine for a moment a new group of people meet at a training course. Typically these types of setting can have the room go around and say who you are, where you come from and what you want to get from the training. But imagine setting the frame for Just your name and then open….. say what you wish to, relevant at that time.

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The is session number 15. This is about learning frames of NLP. A picture can change by merely changing its frame. Learning frames in NLP allows us to view situations through different lenses. I’ll show 7 NLP learning frames in this session. The is session number 15. This is about learning frames of NLP. A picture can change by merely changing its frame. Learning frames in NLP allows us to view situations through different lenses. I’ll show 7 NLP learning frames in this session. These are the most used and helpful. In my opinion. The Outcome Frame The Outcome Frame is a […] Mike Sweet clean 16:23
014 – What is The Meaning of The Map is Not The Territory https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/014-what-is-the-meaning-of-the-map-is-not-the-territory/ Sat, 16 Dec 2017 14:37:29 +0000 https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/?p=46699 https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/014-what-is-the-meaning-of-the-map-is-not-the-territory/#respond https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/014-what-is-the-meaning-of-the-map-is-not-the-territory/feed/ 0 <p>This is session number 14 and no doubt if you’ve delved into NLP you will have heard, “The Map is Not The Territory”. With its roots set in 1931 Science & Sanity, this is an essential part of understanding subjectivity. But what is the meaning of the map is not the territory? But what the hell […]</p> <p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/014-what-is-the-meaning-of-the-map-is-not-the-territory/">014 – What is The Meaning of The Map is Not The Territory</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk">Mike Sweet</a>.</p> This is session number 14 and no doubt if you’ve delved into NLP you will have heard, “The Map is Not The Territory”. With its roots set in 1931 Science & Sanity, this is an essential part of understanding subjectivity. But what is the meaning of the map is not the territory?

But what the hell does it mean and why is this such an important part of NLP?

NLP is the study of excellence and the study of subjective experience. This last piece the study of subjective experience is where the map is not the territory kicks in.

No map regardless of how detailed will ever be a true representation of the actual terrain.

No amount of explanation of a personal experience will ever be the experienced in the same way by another person. A couple on the same holiday for two weeks, who spend every second together from the time they leave home, until the time they get back home. Will have very different interpretations of that holiday. Different memories, different likes and dislikes different experiences.

No movie watched by 2 people will ever be remembered in the same way either. Even the same movie watched again for the same person will lead to a different experience.

No NLP training will ever be experienced the same way by two people on the same course.

So consider the implications when most people respond to abstract communication. I saw an accident on the way to work! Think for a moment what that conjures up for you? Think how you are lead to assume so much information based on your own map.

Car accident, spilt coffee, a person with trousers on the wrong way!

Perhaps you do ask “What kind of accident?” and it turns out to be a car accident. But that’s only that persons map and experience and not what happened.

Their map told them it was a car accident which they then related to you as a car accident. However, it could have been infinitely different from another persons map or reality!

  • Stunt driver in town on set filming
  • Broken down car
  • Previously damaged car just parked funny
  • and on…..

When you appreciate we all have our own maps you can begin to explore a person map in more details and begin to discover more.

Think about this in terms of disagreements, fights, and wars. These usually come from a misunderstanding of intention. A failure to recognize all factors, all opinions, and from relying on their maps of reality. When 2 maps don’t align tension raises.

How many times have you heard people say, “Well, why didn’t you just say so” in that moment when 2 realise they were on about the same thing!

The post 014 – What is The Meaning of The Map is Not The Territory appeared first on Mike Sweet.

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This is session number 14 and no doubt if you’ve delved into NLP you will have heard, “The Map is Not The Territory”. With its roots set in 1931 Science & Sanity, this is an essential part of understanding subjectivity. This is session number 14 and no doubt if you’ve delved into NLP you will have heard, “The Map is Not The Territory”. With its roots set in 1931 Science & Sanity, this is an essential part of understanding subjectivity. But what is the meaning of the map is not the territory? But what the hell […] Mike Sweet clean 8:49
013 – T.O.T.E model in NLP https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/013-t-o-t-e-model-nlp/ Fri, 15 Dec 2017 18:37:13 +0000 https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/?p=46697 https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/013-t-o-t-e-model-nlp/#respond https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/013-t-o-t-e-model-nlp/feed/ 0 <p>T.O.T.E stands for Test, operate, test, exit. It is a dynamic feedback model that allows us to begin to understand what works and what doesn’t. The tote model can be applied in just about every situation where you have a desired outcome in mind. If you do have a desired outcome, that presupposes that you […]</p> <p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/013-t-o-t-e-model-nlp/">013 – T.O.T.E model in NLP</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk">Mike Sweet</a>.</p> T.O.T.E stands for Test, operate, test, exit.
It is a dynamic feedback model that allows us to begin to understand what works and what doesn’t.

The tote model can be applied in just about every situation where you have a desired outcome in mind.

If you do have a desired outcome, that presupposes that you don’t currently have that result otherwise, it would be your present state or current situation.

Now to transition from your present state to your desired state, you probably have an idea of what you need to do. However, this is where the T.O.T.E model kicks in.

“If at first, you don’t succeed, try, try again.” Intelligently!

What if after the first try at obtaining your desired state or outcome, you don’t succeed? Well, simple. You try again. However, remember that great saying of Einstein?

“Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.”

Each time you review the process, you change the operation in some way which will undoubtedly lead to a slightly different result, is that your end result? Is that the desired state that you are after?

If not, repeat the test, but this time change the operation in some way which will change the result, take the new closer and closer to your desired outcome or state.

Once you reach and achieve the desired outcome that you are after, then you can exit.

T.O.T.E test, operate, test, exit.

This is how Edison made the lightbulb with over 1000 changes in the operation, Edison persevered as his desired result was a working lightbulb. Each failed attempt was a lesson learnt. Each lesson learnt, gave new insight into how to change the operation to get the desired result.

People don’t like to be wrong. Often, people faced with failure will move on and ignore rather than change and adapt. The tote model is in perfect alignment with the NLP presupposition that there is no failures only feedback!

To put this into practice, think about the desired state you want to create, it could be confidence, it could be wittiness or even compassion. If your present state doesn’t match your desired state, then you can enter that T.O.T.E model and make adjustments as you go until you achieve the state or outcome that you want.

In true T.O.T.E format, everything is a tote. Think about every phone call that you have. Is the conversation going in the way you’d like? Then make that change based on feedback.

How’s your presentation going? Not to plan? If your performance isn’t going as planned, then, it’s not your desired outcome. So rather than bail and run away from the presentation or accept failure during it. How can you begin to change the operation which can incrementally lead towards your desired state and outcome?

Don’t just think of a T.O.T.E as a big achievement model to get an end goal. Think of it as more of a way to move and adjust elegantly to life’s challenges.

Discussions with your children or loved ones is a great example. If the conversation or tone isn’t where you want it to be because you feel it’s heading in the wrong direction, T.O.T.E.

In marketing terms, we call this testing and measuring. Just make sure you make the adjustments and continue to test.

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T.O.T.E stands for Test, operate, test, exit. It is a dynamic feedback model that allows us to begin to understand what works and what doesn’t. The tote model can be applied in just about every situation where you have a desired outcome in mind. T.O.T.E stands for Test, operate, test, exit.<br /> It is a dynamic feedback model that allows us to begin to understand what works and what doesn't.<br /> <br /> The tote model can be applied in just about every situation where you have a desired outcome in mind.<br /> <br /> If you do have a desired outcome, that presupposes that you don't currently have that result otherwise, it would be your present state or current situation. Mike Sweet clean 10:22
022 – 3 Behavioural Economics Principles You Need To Know https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/022-3-behavioural-economics-principles-you-need-to-know/ Fri, 03 Feb 2017 20:02:06 +0000 http://www.mikesweet.co.uk/?p=898 https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/022-3-behavioural-economics-principles-you-need-to-know/#respond https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/022-3-behavioural-economics-principles-you-need-to-know/feed/ 0 <p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/022-3-behavioural-economics-principles-you-need-to-know/">022 – 3 Behavioural Economics Principles You Need To Know</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk">Mike Sweet</a>.</p>

Welcome to Influence, Psychology and Persuasion

This is session number 022 of Influence Psychology and Persuasion. And this show is all about Behavioural Economics Principles. Well not all about, but certainly 3 tips to help you understand what this amazing study has to offer.

So, Behavioural economics are sets of psychological studies all around economic decision making. So, if you buy or sell things, this podcast and blog post is for you. And if you are involved in marketing, sales or run your own business, this is most definitely for you. Here’s a little more about behavioural economics background

As you’re listening/reading/watching this you will already have a clear understanding that we, humans, are anything but clear or easy to understand. We’re odd, we make irrational choices, decisions and statements all of the time.

I remember a few years back and my wife came home one Saturday in January. She walked through the door, beaming with pride, came into the living room where I was reading a book, hands at breaking point with carrier bags with red sale logos splattered all over and held them to my face. She then blurted out “You wouldn’t believe how much money I’ve saved“. Interesting, I thought. She would have bought anything if it wasn’t the January sales and the fact she had 25+% off. She felt like she’d saved money. Lol.

My wife isn’t the only reason for these studies. We all make irrational choices at times. Here are 3 studies to arm you going forward.

Tip Number 1 – FREE!

Now most of us get this. FREE is like a drug which pulls us in for a closer inspection. FREE has a magnetic pull that us mortals can’t resist. But is this logical?

Forget for a moment that nowadays we may have been abused by the power of FREE. Most of us now think, “but what do you what in return if not money?” We’re getting a little wiser!

The science shows we have an unreasonable connection to FREE!

An interesting study was carried out. Researchers offered participants a choice of 2 chocolates. The choice was either a 1 cent Hershey’s Kisses or a 15 cent Lindor chocolate truffle. Most of the participants opted to pay for a 15 cent Lindor Truffle because they could see the amazing value when compared to the Hershey’s Kiss.

Here is the interesting part though, when the researchers dropped the price by 1 cent, the vast majority then opted for Hershey Kiss. All because it made it FREE!
The word FREE makes us unreasonable. Watch out, or use it to your advantage.

Tip Number 2 – Perceived Value

We all know what we like right? We’re not persuaded by price, at all. We simply understand what’s good and what’s not!

If Only!
The research says we are more likely to admire a bottle of wine if it is priced considerably more. Interesting, this means we may perceive quality based on price.
Here are the bones of the study. The members of a Wine Club were invited in to taste and rate 5 bottles of wine, based purely on what they liked. Here’s the sneaky part, there were only 3 different wines. 2 Of the wines were in 2 bottles. Haha.
However, each bottle was only noted with a price label. Nothing else, just price. There were actually only 3 different wines in those bottles– two wines had two bottles each. Each bottle was marked only with the price tag and nothing else. The prices ranged from $5 to $45 for the same wines and the other ranged in between. So, the $5 wine was also marked at the top price of $45.
Was a clear correlation between the ratings of the wine and the price label? You guessed it. The $45 bottle of wine was rated the highest even though it was the same wine as the $5 bottle.

Here are 2 more examples of how price effects your decision making.

Prozac the antidepressant, was tested against a placebo. In this study, they sold the placebo at a price of $2.50 per pill and the real Prozac pill at $2.00.

Strange but true, the higher priced placebo outperformed Prozac.
Even more disturbing, students were given a caffeine and sugar drink and were told this would help them improve their alertness and cognitive abilities. But, half of the students were asked to pay full price for this while the other half received a huge discount… The results. The students who received a discount solved 30% fewer puzzles.
This study has been done time and time again in many studies and they all deliver the same results.

Tip Number 3 – Priming

Simply talking about a particular attribute will cause people to make a decision based on how they are primed.

A very simple study was done in a computer store where people who were looking at Laptops were asked 2 things. The first group were asked how much memory they were looking for, and the second group were asked what processor they wanted.

So what happened? You guessed it, those who were asked about processor purchased a laptop with a high spec processor, and the buyers who were asked about memory chose a new machine based on its high level of memory.

A similar study was done in supermarkets. People who were walking down an aisle with yoghurts and fruit were stopped and asked
A: What’s your favourite fruit?
and the other group
B: What’s your favourite yoghurt?

You can guess what happened by now for sure. Those who were browsing the aisles ended up buying those products they were asked about. They had been primed and then the seed was sowen and they ended up purchasing this items they had been asked about.

The post 022 – 3 Behavioural Economics Principles You Need To Know appeared first on Mike Sweet.

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This is session number 022 of the Influence Psychology and Persuasion Podcast. And this show is all about Behavioural Economics Principles. Well not all about but certainly 3 tips to help you understand what this amazing study has to offer.<br /> <br /> <br /> So, Behavioural economics are sets of psychological studies all around economic decision making. So, if you buy or sell things, this podcast is for you. And if you are involved in marketing, sales and run your own business, this is most definitely for you. Here's a little more about behavioural economics background<br /> <br /> As you're listening to this you will already have a clear understanding that we, humans, are anything but clear or easy to understand. We're odd, we make irrational choices, decisions and statements.<br /> <br /> I remember a few years back and my wife came home one Saturday in January. She walked through the door, beaming with pride, came into the living room where I was reading a book, hands a breaking point with carrier bags with a red sale logo splattered all over and held them to my face. She then blurted out "You would believe how much money I've saved". Interesting, I though. She would have bought anything if it wasn't January sales and the fact she had 25+% off. She felt like she'd saved money. Lol.<br /> <br /> My wife isn't the only reason for these studies. We all make irrational choices at times. Here are 3 studies to arm you going forward.<br /> <br /> Tip Number 1 - FREE!<br /> <br /> Now most of us get this. FREE is like a drug which pulls us in for closer inspection. FREE has a magnetic pull that us mortals can't resist. But is this logical?<br /> <br /> Forget for a moment that now days we may have been abused by the power of FREE. Most of use will think, but what do you what in return if not money?<br /> <br /> The science shows we have an unreasonable connection to FREE!<br /> <br /> An interesting study was carried out. Researchers offered participants a choice of 2 chocolates. The choice was either a 1 cent Hershey's Kisses or a 15 cent Lindor chocolate truffle. Most of the participants opted to pay for a 15 cent Lindor Truffle because they could see the amazing value, when compared to the Hershey's Kiss.<br /> <br /> Here is the interesting part though, when the researchers dropped the price by 1 cent, the vast majority then opted for Hershey Kiss. All because it made it FREE!<br /> The word FREE makes us unreasonable. Watch out, or use it to your advantage.<br /> <br /> Tip Number 2 - Perceived Value<br /> <br /> You all know what we like right? We're not persuaded by price, at all. We simply understand what's good and whats not!<br /> <br /> <br /> If Only!<br /> <br /> The research says we are more likely to admire a bottle of wine if it is priced considerably more. Interesting, this means we may perceive quality based on price.<br /> <br /> Here is the bones of the study. The members of a Wine Club were invited in to taste and rate 5 bottles of wine, based purely on what they liked. Here's the sneaky part, there were only 3 different wines. 2 Of the wines were in 2 bottles. Haha.<br /> <br /> However each bottle was only noted with a price label. Nothing else, just price. Only, there were actually only 3 different wines in those bottles– two wines had two bottles each. Each bottle was marked only with the price tag and nothing else. The prices ranged from $5 to $45 for the same wines and the other ranged in between. So, the $5 wine was also marked at the top price of $45.<br /> <br /> There was a clear correlation with the ratings of the wine and the price label. You guessed it. The $45 bottle of wine was rated the highest even though it was the same wine as the $5 bottle.<br /> <br /> Here's 2 more examples of how price effects your decision making.<br /> <br /> Prozac the anti depressant, was tested against a placebo. In this study they sold the placebo at a price of $2.... Mike Sweet clean
021 – 7 Nonverbal Skills For Leaders https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/021-7-nonverbal-skills-great-leaders-need/ Sat, 21 Jan 2017 17:12:37 +0000 http://www.mikesweet.co.uk/?p=890 https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/021-7-nonverbal-skills-great-leaders-need/#respond https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/021-7-nonverbal-skills-great-leaders-need/feed/ 0 <p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/021-7-nonverbal-skills-great-leaders-need/">021 – 7 Nonverbal Skills For Leaders</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk">Mike Sweet</a>.</p>

Welcome to Influence, Psychology and Persuasion

This is session number 21 of Influence Psychology and Persuasion and this show is all about how leaders can become more influential by utilising these nonverbal tips.

Nonverbal Tips for Effective Leadership

Below are 7 keys areas leaders can become aware of to ultimately become more effective leaders. Whatever your role now, these easy to understand nonverbal principles are a must for others to begin to hold you in high regard. The best part about them, you don’t even need to open your mouth. Discover Nonverbal Skills for Leaders

1. Plain Sight – Leaders of companies and organisations can be like a snow leopard. (Never seen and only talked about). Employees won’t attach to a leader if they are never seen. You know the saying “out of sight, out of mind”. And, “seeing is believing”.

Being visually accessible breaks down some of the hierarchical barriers that employees have. This makes the leader seem more approachable and therefore they become more influential. Be seen as a leader

This really is a pivotal part of any leader.

2. Behaviour – This is not only overlooked by lots of leaders but sometimes they go the opposite way. Good behaviour and manners are desirable and respectable for most people. This ties into being likeable. A true influence strategy. As I’ve suggested, not only is this overlooked, but sometimes it’s ignored completely and the opposite is done. Some leaders follow the “I’m in charge, and you are below me” type of thinking and operating. This is a big mistake for the budding influential. Become someone people aspire to be. This is why the Halo principle works so well. Check out the other podcast on that. 

3. It’s All In The Eyes – This is an easy one to get wrong but as long as your intention is right, you can use effective eye contact to engage others.

A steady honest gaze it all it really takes to get a person to feel comfortable. This is the goal. Being influential is nothing more than allowing a person to feel comfortable dropping their guard and being them.

Become an effective eye gazer and notice how you become more influential and likeable. Practice, because practice makes permanent.

A fixed eye contact shows the person you are interested in them and that you are listening.

4. Tonality – As a hypnotist, I have trained my voice to be adaptable in many situations. Pitch, pace, volume and tonality. These factors have the ability to connect, resonate, dictate and communicate in all situations. Influential leaders will tend to have a deeper tone. This is also backed by lots of research. Again, practice this and it will become more natural to you. Your voice makes you more influential

There is no need to completely transform your voice, but make some positive changes and notice how you can become more influential.

5. A Light Touch – This nonverbal was covered in another podcast and the links are here. A note here. A touch can be very easily misconstrued. This is getting more the case are we becoming far less social beings. A touch in meant as a connection and a way for leaders to engage in a nonverbal way. It also says, “we’re in this together”.

There is far more to the touch than this short paragraph makes out. A touch on the upper arm or shoulder is usually the most practical and effective. It helps to make a sincere connection.

Remember, a touch in the small of the back though can feel sexual. In a work setting and as a leader, that’s more than likely, not the communication you’re after!

The most basic form of touch for communication is the good old fashioned handshake. Firm for sincerity, but match the pressure that you receive.

The way you present your hand is also a big factor. Have your hand in a vertical position because palm down is domineering and palm up is submissive. Palm neutral is saying. “We’re level here”.

6. Pace and Purpose – People who take action will seem like good and influential leaders. Remember, if you are able to inspire people they will see you as a good influential leader.

Making decisions, taking action, showing people the way, this is your role.

The polar opposite of this. Procrastination, stalling and indecisiveness show doubt and uncertainty. This is not on the list of any leader’s qualities.

7. When You Smile, The World Smiles With You

A sincere smile can really connect. From across vast space, a smile will allow the receiver to feel as if the person is real and has no hidden agenda.

We smile when we are happy, people like other people to be happy, and happiness is contagious.

A smile is more than a simple facial expression though. When done with sincerity, a smile speaks volumes. But remember, this simple expression can’t be faked so feel like smiling and watch how people smile back. Which…. Will make you smile some more.

I hope you have enjoyed these nonverbal leadership tips and tools.

As always, any questions please fire them over to my contact form or drop me an email.

The post 021 – 7 Nonverbal Skills For Leaders appeared first on Mike Sweet.

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This is session number 21 of the Influence Psychology and Persuasion Podcast and this show is all about how leaders can become more influential by utilising these nonverbal tips.<br /> <br /> Below are 7 keys areas leaders can become aware of to ultimately become more effective leaders. Whatever your role now, these easy to understand nonverbal principles are a must for others to begin to hold you in high regard. The best part about them, you don’t even need to open your mouth.<br /> <br /> 1. Plain Sight – Leaders of companies and organisations can be like a snow leopard. (Never seen and only talked about). Employees won’t attach to a leader if they are never seen. You know the saying “out of sight, out of mind”. And, “seeing is believing”.<br /> <br /> Being visually accessible breaks down some of the hierarchical barriers that employees have. This makes the leader feel more approachable and therefore they become more influential.<br /> <br /> This really is a pivotal part of any leader.<br /> <br /> 2. Behaviour – This is not only overlooked by lots of leaders but sometimes they go the opposite way. Good behaviour and manners is desirable and respectable for most people. This ties into being likeable. A true influence strategy. As I’ve suggested, not only is this overlooked, but sometimes it's ignored completely and the opposite is done. Some leaders follow the “I’m in charge, and you are below me” type of thinking and operating. This is a big mistake for the budding influential leader in training. Become someone people aspire to be. This is why the Halo principle works so well. Check out the other podcast on that. <br /> <br /> 3. It’s All In The Eyes - This is an easy one to get wrong but as long as your intention is right, you can use effective eye contact to engage others.<br /> <br /> A steady honest gaze it all it really takes to get a person to feel comfortable. This is the goal. Being influential is nothing more than allowing a person to feel comfortable dropping their guard.<br /> <br /> Become an effective eye gazer and notice how you become more influential and likeable. Practice, because practice make permanent.<br /> <br /> A fixed eye contact shows the person you are interested in them and that you are listening.<br /> <br /> 4. Tonality – As a hypnotist I have trained my voice to be adaptable in many situations. Pitch, pace, volume and tonality. These factors have the ability to connect, resonate, dictate and communicate in all situations. Influential leaders will tend to have a more deeper tone. This is also backed by lots of research. Again, practice this and it will become more natural.<br /> <br /> There is no need to completely transform your voice, but make some changes and notice how you can become more influential.<br /> <br /> 5. A Light Touch – This nonverbal was covered in another podcast and the links are here. A note here. A touch can be very easily misconstrued. This is getting more the case are we becoming far less social beings. A touch in meant as a connection and a way for leaders to engage in a nonverbal way. It also says, "we’re in this together".<br /> <br /> There is far more to the touch than this short paragraph makes out. A touch on the upper arm or shoulder is usually the most practical and effective.<br /> <br /> Remember, a touch in the small of the back though can feel sexual. In a work setting and as a leader, that more than likely not the communication you’re after!<br /> <br /> The most basic form of touch for communication is the good old fashioned hand shake. Firm for sincerity, but match the pressure that you receive.<br /> <br /> The way you present your hand is also a big factor. Have your hand in a vertical position because, palm down is domineering and palm up is submissive. Palm neutral is saying. “We're level here”.<br /> <br /> 6. Pace and Purpose – People who take action will seem like good and influential leaders. Remember, Mike Sweet clean
020: Beware of The Power of Touch https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/020-beware-of-the-power-of-touch/ Wed, 16 Nov 2016 19:40:18 +0000 http://www.mikesweet.co.uk/?p=820 https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/020-beware-of-the-power-of-touch/#respond https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/020-beware-of-the-power-of-touch/feed/ 0 <p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/020-beware-of-the-power-of-touch/">020: Beware of The Power of Touch</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk">Mike Sweet</a>.</p>

Welcome to Influence, Psychology and Persuasion

This is session number 020 of Influence Psychology and Persuasion. This session is all about how we can be influenced by the power of touch. Beware of the power of touch.

the-powerof-just-atouch

So, the power of touch. Babies and children reach out for their mothers, and it’s usually the slightest of touches that will calm them. Lovers lie in bed and reach over to one another and even the lightest of touches can make them feel that connection.

The Power of Touch

If someone touched you who you didn’t know while you’re out, it would generate certain feelings for sure. Touch is a way that we connect with others. Touch isn’t just about love, or sexual connection or compassion. Think about wrestlers, they’re rolling around smothered in oil touching every part of each other but actually trying to hurt each other.

Without a doubt though, a touch is extremely powerful but did you know that if done tactfully in the right way, in the right situations, it can also prove very influential and persuasive? So this is a tool that is maybe being used on you or you can use to your advantage, ethically of course.

The power of touch podcast was inspired by French psychologist named Nicholas Gueguen. He conducted a number of experiments on the power of touch and a large number of the studies show the surprising effect to have a small touch of a second or so and how it can dramatically affect the help someone is willing to give and also the persuasive element.

Power of Touch Experiments

One of the small experiments was carried out by an American researcher who approached the number of people in the street. They asked each of the people for a dime, by including a very brief touch on the upper arm dramatically increased the likelihood of receiving money by 20%. Similar studies have been done by asking people to sign petitions, even leaving tips for waiters so watch out for those next time you go out for food. A simple touch by the waiter or waitress or even the Barman at the right time can increase the amount you will spend and are willing to tip. So that’s my tip to you watch out for that touch.

It was then questioned whether this powerful light touch on the upper arm could improve a person’s chances when trying to find a date. Surely this is the ultimate test of persuasiveness and influence.

The researcher then arranges for a young lad in his 20s to approach women in a nightclub. They were carefully controlled approaches, this was to make sure that they were all consistent to keep the data nice and clean. It was decided that the approaches would happen whenever a slow song would play, and the man would simply walk over and say “Hello, my name is Antoine. Do you want to dance?” Now talk about keeping it clean and simple, in fact, I wouldn’t even have classed that as a chat up line. That’s simply a question. Anton was asked to touch the upper arm of half of the women, but not on the other half. If the women said no to a dance, then he simply replied: “too bad, maybe another time?” And then moved away and tried his luck once more until he had hit his quota.

A very similar study was then carried out that this time approaching women in the street and asking for telephone numbers. As you can imagine this is not the typical scene for chatting up or picking up partners in any way shape or form. In my mind, it couldn’t get any colder, and the more difficult task I dare you to find.

These men approached 240 women, and each time they told the girls they were very pretty and they suggested that they went for a drink later in the day. But also asked if they had a telephone number. As the same as before, half of them made the touch lightly on the arm just as they delivered this chat up line. Can you imagine how awkward that would be?

Well, interestingly enough the results and experiment were absolutely staggering. 43% of the ladies in the nightclub accepted a dance from the stranger when they weren’t touched, but 65% accepted, even after the briefest of touches. The researchers who did the street team to obtain the telephone numbers found that 10% of women took compliments that the men had given them, and they agreed to give them their telephone numbers. However, this number doubles with a slight touch!

There are so many reasons that this touch could be so powerful, the first and obvious one regarding the flirting and dating could be to do with the sex status of the person. Women find confident and powerful men sexually attractive. That could be one of the reasons, but can that really be so for women caught off-guard while walking the streets about their business?

The takeaway from this is real, beware of an ask from someone who touches you, as you’ll be far more likely to say yes regardless of what they ask you. Pause for a moment, take a sense check, and try to decide what you actually want to do, rather than what you’ve been persuaded by your own psychology to do.

The post 020: Beware of The Power of Touch appeared first on Mike Sweet.

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This is session number 020 of the Influence Psychology and Persuasion podcast. This session is all about how we can be influenced by the the power of touch. Beware of the power of touch.<br /> <br /> So, the power of touch. Babies and children reach out for their mothers, and it's usually the slightest of touches that will calm them. Lovers lie in bed and reach over to one another and even the lightest of touches can make them feel that connection.<br /> <br /> The Power of Touch<br /> <br /> If someone touched you who didn't know while you're out, it would generate certain feelings for sure. Touch is a way that we connect with others in many different ways. Touch isn't just about love, or sexual connection or compassion. Think about wrestlers, they're rolling around smothered in oil touching every part of each other but actually trying to hurt each other.<br /> <br /> Without a doubt though, a touch is extremely powerful but did you know that if done tactfully in the right way in the right situations, it can also prove very influential and persuasive. So this is a tool that is maybe being used on you or you can use to your advantage ethically of course.<br /> <br /> This, power of touch podcast was inspired by French psychologist named Nicholas and the surname are not even try to repeat because I get it wrong but the link will be on the website. He conducted a number of experiments on the power of touch and a large number of the studies show the surprising effect to have a small touch of a second or so dramatically affects the help someone is willing to give and also the persuasive element.<br /> <br /> Power of Touch Experiments<br /> <br /> One of the small experiments was carried out by an American researcher who approached the number of people in the street. They asked each of the people for a dime, by including a very brief touch on the upper arm dramatically increased the likelihood of receiving money by 20%. Similar studies have been done by asking people to sign petitions, even leaving tips for waiters so watch out for those next time you go out for food. A simple touch by the waiter or waitress or even the Barman at the right time can increase the amount you will spend and are willing to tip. So that's my tip to you watch out for that touch. Mike Sweet clean
019 – Influenced and Persuaded by Authority https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/019-influenced-persuaded-authority/ Sun, 30 Oct 2016 10:16:21 +0000 http://www.mikesweet.co.uk/?p=803 https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/019-influenced-persuaded-authority/#respond https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/019-influenced-persuaded-authority/feed/ 0 <p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/019-influenced-persuaded-authority/">019 – Influenced and Persuaded by Authority</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk">Mike Sweet</a>.</p>

Welcome to Influence, Psychology and Persuasion

This is session number 019 of Influence Psychology and Persuasion. This session is all about how we are influenced and persuaded by authority and authority figures.

So, how are we influenced and persuaded by authority figures, and how can we be more influential and persuasive by using our positions of authority albeit for the right reasons.

What’s the Science About Authority

I have been rereading a section in Robert Cialdini’s book called authority, and it struck a chord with me.

In brief, Cialdini wrote about a study done in 1965 by Stanley Milgram.

The study was to see if people who were directed by an authority figure, in this case, a teacher would electrocute participants in various stages based upon them answering questions correctly.

A participant was taken into a room and strapped to a chair; they were then fitted with electrodes on their arms. The subject for the test was in another room watching through a glass screen. The subject would ask a list of questions to the participant sat in the chair, and if they got any questions wrong, the teacher would direct the test subject to electrocute the participant sat in the chair.

Each time the electric shock voltage would increase by 15 volts. The first few questions emitted a shock that could be felt, but the recipient wasn’t too troubled by. However, once it reached nearly 100 V, the participant would then be showing signs of pain.

The exciting part, when the pain begins to increase for the participant who was being electrocuted, the teacher or the authority figure who was running the study told the test subject to make sure they continued to electrocute them for every wrong answer.

Even when the participant who was being electrocuted was showing extreme signs of pain and fear, the vast majority of people, when instructed by an authority figure, would carry out the electrocutions for every incorrect answer.

This was a test that was carried out multiple times using many different subjects to see whether the sex of the subject, the age of the subject and other factors skewed the results at all. The only one overriding piece here was when told by an authority figure to follow an instruction it was nearly always adhered to.

Now when I read this, it took me straight back to being a child. I can remember an adult in my face, with their finger pointing right at my nose saying “if they told you to jump off a bridge, would you?” well, knowing what I know now, and depending who that person was and what increments had led up to my compliance, then perhaps I just would.

This to me is a terrifying thought. We’re brought into this world to respect our elders, listen to our bosses, heed advice from medical figures, and go with what we are told by those in high authority places. Thankfully, because of this psychology quirk, we are far more likely to adhere when instructed by an authority figure.

The question poses concerns for our own personal morals and also for fighting for what we know is right. How far will we push our morals and boundaries, merely to adhere to another person’s orders or instructions?

How Far Will We Go?

Going back to that study again, as a demonstration of how far we can be pushed. One of the electrocuted participants during one of the studies started complaining that he had heart problems and he was starting to feel pressure there. What you think happened next? Well, as this study of influence and psychology have shown, in nearly all cases and especially when incremental, we cannot help but follow an order from an authority figure. Almost every person who was told that the participant had heart issues and was struggling with every shock continued to carry out the electric shocks as instructed. This is exacerbated by 2 more principles also. Cognitive Dissonance and Familiarity.

So what does this tell us? First things first, we are loyal as puppies, as long as our master is in a position of authority, or that we perceive them to be an authority figure.

How Can You Use This?

How can this be used to your advantage? With all things, I firmly believe that knowledge is power. So knowing and understanding this principle will help shape your own choices and understandings going forward. However, if you are in a leadership or management position, understand the power that you have. This power can be used for good because you now understand that people will want to adhere to your instructions. But think about the detrimental effect that could have if you are running a large team. As a manager or a leader, it’s been shown in many other studies that the best way to maximise results, is to allow those employees to think and act for themselves. Quite a problematic predicament management and leadership when you now have to consider how we are influenced and persuaded by authority.

The post 019 – Influenced and Persuaded by Authority appeared first on Mike Sweet.

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Mike Sweet clean
018 – Metaphors and Influence https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/018-metaphors-influence/ Sat, 29 Oct 2016 17:15:15 +0000 http://www.mikesweet.co.uk/?p=796 https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/018-metaphors-influence/#respond https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/018-metaphors-influence/feed/ 0 <p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/018-metaphors-influence/">018 – Metaphors and Influence</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk">Mike Sweet</a>.</p>

Welcome to Influence, Psychology and Persuasion

This is session number 018 of Influence Psychology and Persuasion. In this show, I’ll be sharing some information on Metaphors and Influence, explaining how they are being used to influence you and what you need to be aware of. Also, how to use your metaphors more efficiently.

I have been away from the podcast for a while, as I have been chasing my tail with a new full-time role and kids school holidays and all that Jazz.

Metaphors and Influence

I was out walking the dog this morning in the woods, and I came across a large flat area right in the depths of the woods. Standing there I was faced with six different paths, all of which were brand-new to me and I didn’t know which one I wanted to take. What I did know though, however, is that whatever path I decided, that it would have its own twists and turns and new things for me to discover.

The last paragraph in itself was a metaphor, a metaphor about me deciding today what the podcast should be about. I was, in fact, walking the dog earlier in the woods, and I was contemplating what to do today’s podcast about, I did know that it would involve some research and some more discovery to fill in all the pieces. I decided on this, Metaphors and Influence.

You may be surprised to know that people use metaphors regularly throughout their lives. We use it to bridge the knowledge gap, and it also helps people understand our thoughts, feelings and predicaments more easily.

2 Ways Metaphors Influence Us.

I’m going to go over two ways in which metaphors can be very persuasive and influential.

The first part is all about our internal metaphors and how they influence our actions and behaviours.

Think about this comment for a moment: “It feels as if the burden on my shoulders just keeps getting heavier and heavier, dragging me down making it impossible for me to succeed.”

Yes, that is just someone’s internal dialogue. And yes it is only words. But words that are metaphors really do attach ourselves to our psychology and neurology and make us act and behave in specific ways. An unhelpful internal dialogue that creates a metaphor that makes a person feel restricted will, in fact, makes them limited. We all understand that someone else’s words can directly affect a person’s life, mainly because of the way the person who received a comment has reconstructed in their minds, generally, metaphorically. This is sometimes for good and sometimes not so good.

We use our language openly without usually given it much thought to the consequence that will follow. However, many studies show that metaphors which are mini-stories are very easy to remember and very easy for our subconscious to store and act on. Remember, you are the master of your own body, and whether you feed your subconscious mind with, will direct your life.

So be kind to yourself, you are the chief, you are the commander. You are the one driving the ship and you are the one dictating the direction, therefore make sure all of your internal commands are clear, positive and in line with what you want to achieve.

If you do have a number of these detrimental internal metaphors, I suggest you metaphorically pick them apart to allow you not to be burdened as you once were.

Taking the above example, the burden on the shoulder the just keeps getting heavier and heavier dragging you down making it impossible to succeed. This could be embellished to become something like finally. “Until I understood this, I felt as if this burden upon my shoulders that was weighing me down would be with me forever. But now I understand just by shaking my shoulders I begin to break down that weight and as I walk. As I take each step, it falls away from me allowing me to feel lighter but ultimately allowing me to succeed in whatever I want to do”.

Metaphors, as I’ve said, are like stories, and we rarely disagree with stories we just take them at face value and allow those to be absorbed. Stories sure can be influential. They have been, can be and will continue to be. Just make sure you have metaphors on your side, working for you going forward from now on.

Other Peoples Metaphors

The next section about metaphors is regarding other people and being more persuasive and influential.

To practice this section, I’d advise you start actively listening to TV, watching the news and debates etc. You want to be able to quickly recognise a person’s metaphor and the wavelength they are on. If you can carry on a conversation with a person using their metaphors, but differently, you’ll find it far easier to get your point across.

When a person is using metaphors that are of the natural environment and natural world, they will use terms such as evolve, grow, adapt and survive. Use some of the same languages in dialogue with them, so you stay connected so that your metaphors lineup.

In a business conversation: “John, a business like this needs to learn to adapt, we’ve been able to grow to where we are now but a business this size needs to evolve to keep growing”.

“Dave you are right, we’ve had our roots firmly planted since the company started which have allowed us to get to where we have, now each small department can now act as individual seeds which will allow us to spread our branches, even more, going forward”.

If somebody is talking about a new project “kicking off,” then it would be great if you went back to say “we need to have a timeout halfway through to make sure we can keep our eye on the ball.” Check out the matching and mirroring page for more on this.

The first step to implementing metaphors correctly both internally and in communication will be to begin actively listening to where you hear metaphors and what your responses would be. 

The post 018 – Metaphors and Influence appeared first on Mike Sweet.

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Mike Sweet clean
017: Understanding The Impostor Syndrome https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/017-understanding-the-impostor-syndrome/ Mon, 29 Aug 2016 16:37:02 +0000 http://www.mikesweet.co.uk/?p=594 https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/017-understanding-the-impostor-syndrome/#respond https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/017-understanding-the-impostor-syndrome/feed/ 0 <p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/017-understanding-the-impostor-syndrome/">017: Understanding The Impostor Syndrome</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk">Mike Sweet</a>.</p>

Welcome to Influence, Psychology and Persuasion

This is session number 017 of Influence Psychology and Persuasion. This show is all about understanding the impostor syndrome and how it affects us. If you don’t know already, impostor syndrome is a feeling that we get whenever we feel not worthy. These impostor feelings can be subdivided into three separate categories.

Three Categories of Imposter Syndrome

The first is basically feeling like a fake. You know you have a little niggling inside that you’re about to be found out by someone. Perhaps you’re surrounded by others who you feel are more knowledgeable or skilled in certain areas, and you feel your time will come up very soon. Statements from people who feel like this would be things like “I just give the impression that I’m way more competent than I am” or even “I know that one day I’ll be found out that I lacked the knowledge that those around me have”.

The second part is the inability to own success and to wrap it up as just being lucky or fortunate. This is something that I’m sure all of us have done at one time or another. Someone may be praising a success or something that we’ve achieved, only for us to announce it as a fluke or that the competition at that time wasn’t up to par either.

The last category is fairly similar to the second and this is also discounting success. This is where a person really downplays the successes that they have had. “I don’t know why you’re making a fuss”  or “anybody could have done it”. This can look like being humble but face it. A win is a win and success is a success.

Different variations of impostor syndrome will show for most people during their lifetime in many different areas or situations. It’s extremely common though with high achievers, for highly successful people this is what separates impostor syndrome from simply low self-esteem. Impostor syndrome comes from the discrepancy of big achievements and the person not taking ownership or playing down the result.

Let’s have a look at some ways that you can overcome the impostor syndrome:

  1. Let go!  If you’re feeling like a fake it’s normally because you’ve related it to what normal would feel like! Therefore, you need to simply detach from that perfection that you have assigned and let go of the importance that you have added to it.
  2. Grab it back! The complete polar opposite of the above, but also beneficial. If you feel like a fraud because you’re lucky, then gain back some control them realise that you had so much input to the successes.
  3. Be all you can be. You have to absolutely give it your all to avoid the impostor syndrome. Let’s face it, sometimes we are just lucky. So as long as you know you have added value and put in the effort as much as possible, then you’ve done all you can.
  4. Continue driving forward. The impostor syndrome thrives and grows in stagnation. Therefore, continue driving forward and taking action, this tenacity will prove that you are no impostor and that you are worthy. The feelings may show once in awhile, but just continue producing, adding value and taking action.
  5. Accept the impostor to get rid of the impostor. You’ve heard me say this on the show before, “fake it until you make it” now I know that sounds like a real “impostors”, but bear with me. In order to feel like you’re worthy and more successful, you need to chalk up your achievements. What that means is you need to step outside your comfort zone and try things that are new to you to realise they are in fact worthy and you are growing. And the very best way to do this, fake it until you make it!

 

The post 017: Understanding The Impostor Syndrome appeared first on Mike Sweet.

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This is session number 017 of the Influence Psychology and Persuasion podcast. This show is all about understanding the impostor syndrome and how it affects us. If you don't know already, the impostor syndrome is a feeling that we get whenever we feel not worthy.These impostor feelings can be subdivided into three separate categories.<br /> <br /> Three Categories of Imposter Syndrome<br /> <br /> The first is basically feeling like a fake. You know you have a little niggling inside that you're about to be found out by someone. Perhaps you're surrounded by others who you feel are more knowledgeable or skilled in certain areas, and you feel your time will come up very soon. Statements from people who feel like this would be things like "I just give the impression that I'm way more competent than I am" or even "I know that one day I'll be found out that I lacked the knowledge that those around me have".<br /> <br /> The second part is the inability to own success and to wrap it up as just being lucky. This is something that I'm sure all of us have done at one time or another. Someone may be praising a success or something that we've achieved, only for us to announce it as a fluke or that the competition at that time wasn't up to par either.<br /> <br /> The last category is fairly similar to the second and this is also discounting success. This is where a person really downplays the successes that they have had. "I don't know why you're making a fuss" or " anybody could have done it".<br /> <br /> Different variations of impostor syndrome will show for most people during their lifetime in many different areas or situations. It's extremely common though with highly achieving, highly successful people this is what separates impostor syndrome from simply low self-esteem. Impostor syndrome comes from the discrepancy of big achievements and the person not taking ownership or playing down the result.<br /> <br /> Let's have a look at some ways that you can overcome the impostor syndrome:<br /> <br /> Let go! if you're feeling like a fake it's normally because you've related it to what normal would feel like! Therefore, you need to simply detach from that perfection that you have assigned and let go of the importance that you have added to it.<br /> Grab it back! The complete polar opposite from the above, but also beneficial. If you feel like a fraud because you're lucky, then gain back some control them realise that you had so much input to the successes.<br /> Be all you can be. you have to absolutely give it your all to avoid the impostor syndrome. Let's face it, sometimes we are just lucky. So as long as you know you have added value and put in effort as much as possible, then you've done all you can.<br /> Continue driving forward. The impostor syndrome thrives and grows in stagnation. Therefore, continue driving forward and taking action, this tenacity will prove that you are no impostor and that you are worthy. the feelings may show once in awhile, but just continue producing, adding value and taking action.<br /> Accept the impostor to get rid of the impostor. You've heard me say this on the show before, " fake it until you make it" now I know that sounds like a real "impostorish", but bear with me. In order to feel like you're worthy and more successful, you need to chalk up your achievements. What that means is you need to step outside your comfort zone and try things that are new to you to realise the are in fact worthy and you are growing. And the very best way to do this, fake it until you make it!<br /> Mike Sweet clean
016 – Motivated by success? Probably not https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/016-motivated-success-probably-not/ Mon, 15 Aug 2016 19:36:27 +0000 http://www.mikesweet.co.uk/?p=564 https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/016-motivated-success-probably-not/#respond https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/016-motivated-success-probably-not/feed/ 0 <p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/016-motivated-success-probably-not/">016 – Motivated by success? Probably not</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk">Mike Sweet</a>.</p>

Welcome to Influence, Psychology and Persuasion

This is session number 016 of Influence Psychology and Persuasion. This show investigates how humans are motivated. Are you playing to your own strengths and do you understand what drives you the most? Are you motivated by success?

Studies and human nature dictate that we are far more likely to make a decision if that decision eliminates either FEAR or LOSS.

Daniel Kahneman an Israeli-American Psychologist study loss aversion in depth. Typically, as with most interesting studies, the outcome is irrational. These are the quirks that you need to know and use to your advantage. One study shows people are more motivated to prevent a $5 loss than they were to gain $5.

More Examples

Your boss asks you to work another 2 hours on Wednesday evening. If you do this you will earn another £20! Feel motivated to do this?

Most of us would base this on whether we needed that additional £20, but how about your boss saying if you don’t work on Wednesday evening you’d lose £20 per week from your salary? Think about that for a moment?

Changing banks and utility suppliers is a very common one. Comparison sites show you what you can save if you shift, but add that up to what we may lose as a result of changing. What are the Risks associated with changing, what’s the hassle that you will have to go through? Car insurers don’t tend to have this issue as this is more accepted as a simple process.

1-2-1 therapy, business coaching and performance coaches all talk in terms of the big goal and what you want to achieve. Creating the compelling outcome and that will give you drive for the journey. However, history and psychology tell us a much different story.

The truth is, we are far more motivated to take initial action to get away from fear, pain, and anxiety than we are for achieving a goal or getting a reward.

Take a look at this from Usain Bolt ”

“To understand what drives Usain Bolt, you have to understand the nature of the man, who speaks time and time again about a race from another time. One with no real significance, that took place decades ago on a country slope which doubled as a playing field. This race would thread the very fibre of the man and the athlete who is so widely celebrated today.

It was 1995, and the eight-year-old got his first taste of defeat. It was bitter and hard to digest. For that youngster, it fuelled a burning desire to win – to always win. It channelled a combustive competitive edge that would lift him to heights once barely even imaginable.

If you talk to him often enough, you’ll realise too that he’s still a little pissed about that loss, as he is about all of the few he has suffered as a professional.” (Source

Even though he is running to win, what drives him is overcoming that loss. There are a number of Usain Bolt quotes where he has lost and since has tried to never let that happen.

Loss causes us pain, achievement just gives us something extra.

Look at this from an evolutionary angle. We fight for survival and we drop our guard when all is OK.

If you create, fabricate, or even imagine a pain you need to avoid you’ll be more motivated to achieve.

But always keep a goal in mind. The goal and blue sky thinking can give you a place to aim for, avoiding a pain will give you the energy and passion to get you there regardless of the route taken.

During my time as a full-time business coach, I saw this pattern so many times. In businesses start-ups. The owners would usually have big dreams and ambitions, and in most cases, no salary in the early days. Fast forward only a few months and their pockets were being lined and they had created a fast and stable income.

Multiply that time again and because fear had been removed, their business didn’t grow.

Can anyone be motivated for success?

Yes, of course. Having big goals and desires can drive a person. So still create your goals and desires, but perhaps find your why. Usain Bolt was driven to succeed for years to be the fastest man on earth because of a loss at age 8.

The post 016 – Motivated by success? Probably not appeared first on Mike Sweet.

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This is session number 016 of the Influence Psychology and Persuasion podcast. This show investigates how humans are motivated. Are you playing to your own strengths and do you understand what drives you the most?<br /> <br /> Statistics and human nature dictates that we are far more likely to make a decision if that decision eliminates either FEAR or LOSS.<br /> <br /> Examples:<br /> <br /> Your boss asks you to work another 2 hours on Wednesday evening. If you do this you will earn another £20! Feel motivated to do this?<br /> <br /> Most of us would base this on whether we needed that additional £20, but how about you boss saying if you don't work on Wednesday evening you'd lose £20 per week from your salary? Think about that for a moment!<br /> <br /> Changing banks and utility suppliers is a very common one. Comparison sites show you what you can save if you shift, but add that up to what we may lose as a result of changing. What are the Risks associated with changing, what's the hassle that you will have to go through? Car insurers don't tend to have this issue as this is more accepted as a simple process.<br /> <br /> 1-2-1 therapy, business coaching and performance coaches all talk in terms of the big goal and what you want to achieve. Creating the compelling outcome and that will give you drive for the journey. However, history and psychology tell us a much different story.<br /> <br /> The truth is, we are far more motivated to take initial action to get away from fear, pain, and anxiety, than we are for achieving a goal or getting a reward.<br /> <br /> Take a look at this from Usain Bolt "<br /> <br /> "To understand what drives Usain Bolt, you have to understand the nature of the man, who speaks time and time again about a race from another time. One with no real significance, that took place decades ago on a country slope which doubled as a playing field. This race would thread the very fibre of the man and the athlete who is so widely celebrated today.<br /> <br /> It was 1995, and the eight-year-old got his first taste of defeat. It was bitter and hard to digest. For that youngster, it fuelled a burning desire to win – to always win. It channelled a combustive competitive edge that would lift him to heights once barely even imaginable.<br /> <br /> If you talk to him often enough, you’ll realise too that he’s still a little pissed about that loss, as he is about all of the few he has suffered as a professional." (Source) <br /> <br /> Even though he is running to win, what drives him is overcoming that loss. There are a number or Usain Bolt quotes where he has lost and since has tried to never let that happen.<br /> <br /> Loss causes us pain, achievement just gives us something extra.<br /> <br /> This about if from an evolutionary purpose. We fight for survival and we drop our guard when all is OK.<br /> <br /> If you create, fabricate, or even imagine a pain you need to avoid you'll be more motivated to achieve.<br /> <br /> But always keep a goal in mind. The goal and blue sky thinking can give you a place to aim for, avoiding a pain will give you the energy and passion to get you there regardless of the route taken. Mike Sweet clean
015 – Generating Confidence at Any Time https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/015-generating-confidence-time/ Thu, 14 Jul 2016 18:39:04 +0000 http://www.mikesweet.co.uk/?p=557 https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/015-generating-confidence-time/#respond https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/015-generating-confidence-time/feed/ 0 <p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/015-generating-confidence-time/">015 – Generating Confidence at Any Time</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk">Mike Sweet</a>.</p>

Welcome to Influence, Psychology and Persuasion

This is session number 015 of Influence Psychology and Persuasion. In this show, I’ll be discussing confidence and a misunderstanding about feelings in general.

Power Pose Confidence

“I’m not very confident doing that.” Or, “I’m just not confident in those situations.” These are common sayings for people every day, and as the listener, we seem to accept, without challenging this type of statement.

But….. as confidence is just a feeling, and we have to create our own feelings, why do we seem to think, this magic confidence dust happens by itself without our control or input. We seem to assume this “confidence” thing is a mystery. Some have it, some don’t. Some have confidence in some situation some of the time and then all of a sudden, don’t!

The Facts about Generating Confidence

Well, today I’ll go over some interesting facts about feelings and more importantly, confidence. No longer will you have to be subject to the confidence fairy to see whether you’ll be blessed with confidence whenever you need it. It’s time to gain control and have it when you need the stuff.

The first principle we need to cover should hopefully be clear. You have to “do” all of your feelings. No one else is in charge and no one can make you feel anything. Did you get that? No one else can make you feel anything. Just to reiterate as an example. Your neighbour didn’t make you angry, your spouse didn’t try to frustrate you. Feelings aren’t given, they are taken. And feelings don’t just appear, you create them.

So how do we create feelings that we want? The first answer that you will hear most often, will be to think confidently or positively. This is totally true and a reasonable start. You do need to think and talk to yourself positively and confidently. However, there is a slight issue that most of us face. When we try to put on a brave face or brave attitude, and we start the positive internal incantations, the other little voices kick-in. You know the ones? The little guys on your shoulders that seem to bring you back down. Those voices are real and have a real impact on how we feel, but, there are ways to bring those on side.

Your internal voice is able to generate feelings by thinking about certain situations and how they might be. There’s a bit of magic in there because your brain doesn’t realise the difference between an imagined event or a real one. This is why we’re able to create really powerful feelings about something that will happen or has happened, simply by using our internal dialogue. Once you manage to get your internal language right, you’ll find that those feelings that you want will come far more easily.

So if we start with speaking to yourself, what kind of words or sentences do they need to be?

The How To’s – of Generating Confidence

Rule number one when trying to create feelings using your internal voice and thoughts. Don’t lie to yourself because the little guys on your shoulders will bring you crashing down.

Internal sentences/incantations or mantras like, “I am supremely confident and charismatic in all situations!” “Umm… really….. that’s why you’re listening to this!” This is what the guys on your shoulders will be saying. Dragging you right back down to reality.

Let’s try. “I wonder how confident I’ll feel while giving the speech at the wedding?” In steps the little guys laughing…. “hahahahaha Not very, you never have been or never will be”. OK, that didn’t work.

Powerful bold statements don’t work – Quality questions do.

So what is the method? “What small ways I am noticing my confidence increase?” OK, what you notice about the guys on your shoulders now? They should be far quieter because that kind of sentence is possible. We really need to play on this possibility because that is the tightrope that allows us to access our inner resources without those pesky little voices chirping in.

We also know that when a person is feeling confident and charismatic, they act that way too. And the interesting fact is this mechanism works both ways. If you begin to act confidently and charismatic, then you begin to generate those feelings. This is something that we overlook, we could be feeling down because we are acting down and wishing or hoping, that it wasn’t the case.

Acting anxious, worried and fearful creates feelings of fear, anxiety and worry.

What does the Science say?

Science tells us that our physiology directly affects our psychology and more importantly our neurology. You are fully driving the bus, you are in control, you have the power but perhaps you didn’t have the knowledge or the technique….. Until now.

There are so many studies covering how physiology will directly affect how you feel and to implement this is fast and very effective. The great news is as well, we already know how to act before trying to line up to a feeling that we want to create. We know what a happy person acts like, we know what a depressed person acts like, we know what confidence looks like. The clues are all around us and it’s time we start acting that way.

Now it is important to understand this isn’t just a way of generating superficial feelings, this is the real deal. For example, a person standing tall facing a crowd head-on with their hands on hips, flaring out their elbows moving the head around slowly, will not only look confident will begin to feel more confident as they stand there, but also their chemical structure will be changing inside. Testosterone dramatically increases, cortisol plummets and all of this is measurable within less than two minutes. This is real change folks, not just a way to mask over what’s really happening.

As this podcast was all about creating confidence, let’s look at it as a two-step process. Firstly, think of some sentences that you can use that are conducive to growing in confidence that doesn’t get the little guys all on edge. Secondly, really think about your posture, stance and how your acting. Psychology definitely affects physiology, but this is a two-way street that needs to be exploited. Your physiology directly affects your neurology and psychology. Act “as-if” as much as you can.

As most of us spend our days meandering through in a trance state it’s good to remember to practice and notice your pose and stance. A great way I have found is to notice every time you walk through a doorway and imagine you are trying to fill it. Stand tall, spread your shoulders wide and you walk through slowly and purposefully. Practice this for a couple of days every time you walk through a doorway and see how quickly acting confident becomes your default.

Remember: “All the world is a stage”

The post 015 – Generating Confidence at Any Time appeared first on Mike Sweet.

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This is session number 015 of the Influence Psychology and Persuasion podcast. In this show, I'll be discussing confidence and a misunderstanding about feelings in general.<br /> <br /> Power Pose Confidence<br /> <br /> I’m not very confident doing that. Or, I’m just not confident in those situations. These are common sayings for people every day, and as the listener, we seem to accept, without challenge this type of statement.<br /> <br /> But….. as confidence is just a feeling, and we have to create our own feelings, why do we seem to think, this magic confidence dust happens by itself without our control or input. We seem to assume this “confidence” thing is a mystery.<br /> <br /> The facts about Generating Confidence<br /> <br /> Well, today I’ll go over some interesting facts about feelings and more importantly confidence. No longer will you have to be subject to the confidence fairy to see whether you’ll be blessed with confidence whenever and wherever you need it. It's time to gain control and have it when you need the stuff.<br /> <br /> The first principle we need to cover should hopefully be clear. You have to “do” all of your feelings. No one else is in charge and no one can make you feel anything. Did you get that? No one else can make you feel anything. Just to reiterate as an example. Your neighbour didn't make you angry, your spouse didn't try to frustrate you. Feelings aren't given, they are taken. And feelings don't just appear, you create them.<br /> <br /> So how do we create feelings that we want? The first answer that you will hear most often, will be to think confidently or positively. This is totally true and a reasonable start You do need to think and talk to yourself positively and confidently. However, there is a slight issue that most of us face. When we try to put on a brave face or brave attitude, and we start the positive internal incantations, the other little voices kick-in. You know the ones? The little guys on your shoulders that seem to bring you back down. Those voices are real and have a real impact on how we feel, but, there are ways to bring those on side too.<br /> <br /> Your internal voice is able to generate feelings by thinking about certain situations and how they might be. There's a bit of magic in there because your brain doesn't realise the difference between an imagined event or a real one. This is why were able to create really powerful feelings about something that will happen or has happened, simply by using our internal dialogue. Once you manage to get your internal language right, you'll find that those feelings that you want will come far more easily.<br /> <br /> So if we start with speaking to yourself, what kind of words or sentences do they need to be? Mike Sweet clean
014 – Fixed and Growth Mindset – What You Need to Know https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/14-fixed-growth-mindsets-need-know/ Sun, 26 Jun 2016 14:02:42 +0000 http://www.mikesweet.co.uk/?p=544 https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/14-fixed-growth-mindsets-need-know/#respond https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/14-fixed-growth-mindsets-need-know/feed/ 0 <p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/14-fixed-growth-mindsets-need-know/">014 – Fixed and Growth Mindset – What You Need to Know</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk">Mike Sweet</a>.</p>

Welcome to Influence, Psychology and Persuasion

This is session number 014 of Influence Psychology and Persuasion. This show/page is something that has been showing up lots over the last few months. It seems that people all over are all talking about Fixed and Growth mindset. But what’s the deal, why now, and is this important? Well, I hope you’ll find out here.

Definition of Fixed and Growth Mindsets

First and foremost, it’s important to understand that this topic of fixed and growth mindset stems from lots of studies carried out by Prof of psychology from Stanford University Dr Carol Dweck. I’m merely relaying my learnings from this and how I can, and others around me have applied some of these findings.

A person is said to have a fixed mindset if they believe that their intelligence, talents and behaviours are mostly fixed. However, growth mindset people understand that they can nurture their talents and abilities through hard work, persistent, right practice, good teachings and again more practice.

Think about the implications of that just one moment! At the very core, a person with a growth mindset and attitude believes that they can achieve and do anything they want if they put their mind to it. On the contrary, a fixed mindset person would view people who are talented, as potentially lucky or even born with the gift. Of course, there are exceptions. Physical limitations may hinder you in certain aspects. If you are genetically a very small person then perhaps setting your sights on being the next Mr Universe may be out of your reach. Basketball players tend to be 6.5 foot +. But, there are plenty of  5.7-foot players who have crafted their talent to become a force to be reckoned with on the court.

Talent and natural abilities are traits people have when they apply to practice and tenacity. In his book Bounce, Matthew Syed demonstrates at length so many examples of extreme talent and ability that all come down. Practice, belief, and repetition. There is an obvious caveat here which most of us can overlook when it comes to practice. Practice needs to have feedback at all times otherwise you’re simply repeating a process that you don’t know to be correct. One of the examples given within the book talks about a person who is learning to play golf, and they are hitting golf balls in the dark. Of course, they don’t know where the going, so how are they able to adjust. Practice with feedback is absolutely essential to create talent in any area.

Growth and Fixed Mindsets Web

Feedback and Direction

Another trait of a growth mindset person would be their ability to accept feedback and direction. A person with a growth mindset would understand that without this third-party input it’s very difficult to find out what works, and what doesn’t. The converse is obviously true also. A fixed mindset person would not want to hear feedback as they would take this as criticism rather than another way to view the result or action.

Growth Mindset Praise for Children

Whenever praising a person or even a child with whom you’d like to develop a growth mindset, ensure that the praise is around effort and hard work and not simply being smart or good at it. “What a fantastic project you’ve done, you’ve worked so hard on that it’s brilliant” vs “Wow what a fantastic project you’ve done your so lucky you are this clever”!  Can you see the difference? There has been so much work on the effects of praise. This is a great article which demonstrates the negative effects with just one line of praise.

Am I stuck with the mindset I was born with?

The answer you’re probably going love. No… you’re not! Our mindset is entangled with our belief system and thankfully even though most of our actions and behaviours are operated by our subconscious belief system. A belief can be changed. And there are a couple of ways to do this.

  •  Education and information
  •  Desire to change
  •  An awareness of this model

Let me break these three examples down to you to make shifting your mindset seem more simple than perhaps it should be.

Education and Information

The reason why the top of the list is education and information is that information will directly affect your behaviour and belief system. I mentioned earlier in the post about Matthew Syed and his book Bounce the myth of talent and the power of practice. 

Matthew gives tens of examples of how applied practice creates seemingly insurmountable talent. It wasn’t until I read this book, or in fact heard the audio that my mindset shifted. I would consider myself to be a growth-minded person, yet I wouldn’t have considered myself a person who believed that I could have achieved anything. It was a real eye-opener to me to learn that applied practised as a youngster would have transformed my life.

David Beckham – Super Talent?

A few quick examples of this: David Beckham spending several hours every evening as a young boy with a football in the back garden after school. His mother watching through the window, as he failed repeatedly time after time after time. She saw the effort that was put in, and more amazingly, she didn’t really see what he had achieved in the early days as natural talent. All that was documented in her mind were the hours David spent in the garden kicking a ball. Most of the time, badly. Seeing David fail over and over again was wired in her mind.

Andre Agassi’s dad was his coach during the very early days. At that time they decided that if Andre was able to hit 1 million balls per year, then he could be the very best player in the world. Their reason for believing this was an example of growth mindset thinking. Lots of practice with lots of feedback and iterations creates results. Over 2700 balls hit every single day took Andre Agassi to fame. This is applied practice at work. Or, should a say. This is a person working at applying the perfect practice.

There are so many examples of this throughout the book, but the point really is. Until I had that education and information on what was possible, my mindset perhaps wouldn’t have shifted. Now you know this to be true also. What do you now think is possible?

A Desire to Change

A desire to change is essential. You’ve got to really want this. All of you has to want this. And what do I mean by “all of you?” You know that voice inside that chirps in at times. You need to have that on board too. There is a method to this you’ll be pleased to know. If there is an area of your life you’d like to create change in, then you need to state, believe and also take action.

Let’s assume you’re listening to this post via podcast on audio because “you’re not a great reader”!  for example. Then, sure enough, you will continue to listen to the audio is without attempting to learn to read well. So the way you get around this is by getting your internal voice on your side. Let me give you an example of an internal dialogue that works. “Up until this point, I’d always shy away from reading content, but I know that practice day by day, will allow me to become faster, more proficient and I’ll enjoy it more!”

With an internal dialogue like this, those voices on your shoulders can’t really dismiss what you’re saying. Therefore you can allow that belief system to grow without that nagging, niggling voice in your head. There is some more magic to add to this though. If there is ever a point where you find yourself saying “I still can’t read faster and more proficient” simply add the words YET to the end to imply possibility.

Awareness

Lastly, I’ve added in being aware of this model. All I really mean by this is looking at your behaviours, actions and beliefs through this looking glass. It may give you more insight to how you’ve been running your life and perhaps even, what’s been holding you back.

  •  “It’s difficult for me to lose weight”
  •  “I’ve never been a numbers person”
  •  “I’m just not musical”
  •  “I can never get things done on time”

That will become what’s real for you. An understanding of a new model, a new way, can allow you to make a change and shift your choice of language and beliefs.

The Takeaways to Create a Growth Mindset

  • Embrace challenges. Challenges are something you initially find difficult. This means you’re about to learn and discover something new.
  • Be persistent when you’re faced with setbacks and even failures. Sometimes you win and sometimes you learn, either way, being persistent gives you what you need.
  • Effort and tenacity are your paths to mastering a growth mindset.
  • Learn from criticisms. Be careful not to just accept them all verbatim but certainly, look at adopting an understanding of what’s being said.
  • Find inspiration from others that have succeeded where you want to. Finding out their path will break down some old self-limiting beliefs to what’s possible and what’s necessary to achieve.
  • There’s no such thing as an overnight success.

The post 014 – Fixed and Growth Mindset – What You Need to Know appeared first on Mike Sweet.

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This is session number 014 of the Influence Psychology and Persuasion podcast. This show is something that has been showing up lots of the last few months. It seems people all over are all talking of Fixed vs Growth mindsets. But whats the deal, why now, and is this really important? Well, in this show I hope you'll find out.<br /> <br /> Definition of Fixed and Growth Mindsets<br /> First and foremost, is important to understand that this topic of fixed and growth mindset stems from lots of studies carried out by Prof of psychology from Stanford University Dr Carol Dweck. I'm simply relaying my learnings from this and how I can, and others around me have applied some of these learnings.<br /> <br /> The takeaways to create a growth mindset<br /> Embrace challenges. Challenges something you initially find difficult, this means you're about to learn and discover something new.<br /> Be persistent when you're faced with setbacks and even failures. Sometimes you win and sometimes you learn either way being persistent gives you what you need.<br /> Effort is your path to mastering a growth mindset.<br /> Learn from criticisms. Be careful not to simply accept them all verbatim but certainly, look at adopting an understanding what's being said.<br /> Find inspiration from others that have succeeded where you want to. Finding out their path will break down some old self-limiting beliefs to what's possible and what's necessary to achieve. Mike Sweet clean
012 – Be Mindful Now – A World Away From Social Media https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/012-be-mindful-now-a-world-away-from-social-media/ Fri, 18 Mar 2016 17:37:57 +0000 http://www.mikesweet.co.uk/?p=496 https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/012-be-mindful-now-a-world-away-from-social-media/#respond https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/012-be-mindful-now-a-world-away-from-social-media/feed/ 0 <p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/012-be-mindful-now-a-world-away-from-social-media/">012 – Be Mindful Now – A World Away From Social Media</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk">Mike Sweet</a>.</p>

Living The Life

Fairly recently, mindfulness was coined as the new thing that we should all become aware of and be doing more of. But what does this really mean and why now? In a world that is becoming more connected every minute, people are finding that they are becoming more disconnected with one another, and more importantly, the outside world. Becoming mindful is the art and technique of becoming aware of the here and now and what it has to offer. No doubt you’ve heard the saying “tomorrow is a mystery, yesterday is history and today is a gift, which is why they call it the present!”

But just think about that for a moment, how much of your day is truly spent in the here and now. I’m not about thinking about later on in the day I’m on about being truly here now?

Not only do we have the tendency to discuss with others what we did yesterday, or what we had for lunch and what we did the weekend, but we also go the other way to we also talk about all the things that we will be doing, will be experiencing. We may be going a holiday in six months and we find that we need to talk to others about a holiday that we will be going on. So much of our time is spent in the past which is gone and in the future which isn’t guaranteed for anyone, what we really all need to do is spend more time being in the now.

Computers, Internet, smart-phones, applications and social media are all further distractions to keep us away from what is going on in our present lives. But these things are here to stay, so the only way to make change is to take action yourself. These Weapons of Mass Distraction are everywhere, and it’s your job to spend your time in the here and now.

Another interesting fact about becoming more mindful and being in the here and now is that most mental disorders do not live in the here and now. Typically, depression, anxiety, stress, phobias, fear, panic attacks, post-traumatic stress disorder are all accessed and lived in the, before and the after, very rarely the Now. People feel anxious about things that may happen in days, weeks and months to come. People can feel depressed and stressed about things do happen to them years before. Things that they absolutely cannot change or control now. Now is all we all have is time, we need to learn to be here.

One problem people come up against is that so many of these weapons of Mass distraction are part of everyone’s day-to-day life. Social media is a choice, however there is also a level of expectation. There are things we can learn there are things we can do with social media, but when it takes over our lives something needs to happen. I’m not going to suggest here that you banish all social media as a starting point, what I am suggesting is that you schedule your time on social media. Book some time in 3,4,5,6 times a day whatever it may be. Don’t go cold turkey, as there’s no need to be if you make a conscious effort and decision to use social media at certain times for certain amounts of time then you will find that you’re able to control this distraction that pulls your way from the now.

So once you schedule your time for things that at the moment absorb your time from being here now. This leaves all other hours to really live, while you live.

So how do you become more mindful, and the avoid procrastination? There are few principles and techniques that I teach to allow people to do just this.

Here they are:

Schedule social media, TV, films and even chatting with others.

Don’t start your day until you’ve finished it! This is a favourite of mine but it basically means plan your day the evening before. So many of us don’t have a plan for the following day and we just run on default and autopilot and we end up doing all of those things that we don’t necessarily want to do but just because we haven’t planned what we will do.

Practice, practice, practice. Another famous saying I love to use is practice makes………… permanent! I say permanent and not perfect because no doubt up until this point you been practising every single day looking at social media and wasting your time on other menial tasks that you wish you hadn’t done. You had practised but you certainly hadn’t become perfect. What has happened is you got yourself stuck in a level of permanence. Thankfully additional practice allows you to make something new that is also productive, permanent and possibly perfect.

So you’re properly wondering how you do practice becoming more mindful? Well, I’m glad you asked.

Questions! What am I looking forward to today, what do I want to learn today, what will I get done today, who will I make laugh today, who can I connect with today, what new ways will I discover today to become more mindful?

Taking a planned time out. Meditation, hypnosis and body scan mindfulness techniques are fantastic to do this. And as I said before practice makes permanent. The more often you spend time meditating, in hypnosis or carrying out body scans and various other internal processes the faster you will be able to make mindfulness more permanent you.

The post 012 – Be Mindful Now – A World Away From Social Media appeared first on Mike Sweet.

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This is session 012 of the living the life podcast. And this show today is all about being here now.<br /> <br /> Fairly recently, mindfulness was coined as the new thing that we should all become aware of and be doing more of. But what does this really mean and why now? In a world that is becoming more connected every minute, people are finding that they are becoming more disconnected with one another, and more importantly, the outside world. Becoming mindful is the art and technique of becoming aware of the here and now and what it has to offer. No doubt you've heard the saying "tomorrow is a mystery, yesterday is history and today is a gift, which is why they call it the present!"<br /> <br /> But just think about that for a moment, how much of your day is truly spent in the here and now. I'm not about thinking about later on in the day I'm on about being truly here now?<br /> <br /> Not only do we have the tendency to discuss with others what we did yesterday, or what we had for lunch and what we did the weekend, but we also go the other way to we also talk about all the things that we will be doing, will be experiencing. We may be going a holiday in six months and we find that we need to talk to others about a holiday that we will be going on. So much of our time is spent in the past which is gone and in the future which isn't guaranteed for anyone, what we really all need to do is spend more time being in the now.<br /> <br /> Computers, Internet, smart-phones, applications and social media are all further distractions to keep us away from what is going on in our present lives. But these things are here to stay, so the only way to make change is to take action yourself. These Weapons of Mass Distraction are everywhere, and it's your job to spend your time in the here and now.<br /> <br /> Another interesting fact about becoming more mindful and being in the here and now is that most mental disorders do not live in the here and now. Typically, depression, anxiety, stress, phobias, fear, panic attacks, post-traumatic stress disorder are all accessed and lived in the, before and the after, very rarely the Now. People feel anxious about things that may happen in days, weeks and months to come. People can feel depressed and stressed about things do happen to them years before. Things that they absolutely cannot change or control now. Now is all we all have is time, we need to learn to be here.<br /> <br /> One problem people come up against is that so many of these weapons of Mass distraction are part of everyone's day-to-day life. Social media is a choice, however there is also a level of expectation. There are things we can learn there are things we can do with social media, but when it takes over our lives something needs to happen. I'm not going to suggest here that you banish all social media as a starting point, what I am suggesting is that you schedule your time on social media. Book some time in 3,4,5,6 times a day whatever it may be. Don't go cold turkey, as there's no need to be if you make a conscious effort and decision to use social media at certain times for certain amounts of time then you will find that you're able to control this distraction that pulls your way from the now. Mike Sweet clean
013 – Cognitive Dissonance and How To Use It https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/013-cognitive-dissonance-use/ Fri, 18 Mar 2016 17:28:06 +0000 http://www.mikesweet.co.uk/?p=499 https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/013-cognitive-dissonance-use/#respond https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/013-cognitive-dissonance-use/feed/ 0 <p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/013-cognitive-dissonance-use/">013 – Cognitive Dissonance and How To Use It</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk">Mike Sweet</a>.</p>

Welcome to Influence, Psychology and Persuasion

This is session number 013 of Influence Psychology and Persuasion. This show is all about cognitive dissonance and how we can use it to improve our lives and outcomes dramatically.

What is Cognitive Dissonance?

This term refers to the situation where you have an internal conflict about your attitude, behaviours or a particular belief. Whenever you have this battle, it is known as cognitive dissonance, and it comes with a feeling of discomfort and in most cases the need to rationalise or reframe to realign those beliefs, thoughts, actions etc.

An example would be: people smoking (their behaviour) yet they know it causes cancer and other serious diseases (their cognition). The cognitive dissonance would then show when a person would try to rationalise, reframe or make it right for them. “I’ve always done it, and it gives me a timeout.”

This is a theory that was presented by Leon Festinger in 1957. When he proposed this cognitive dissonance theory, he explained that people want to remain consistent in their initial actions, and beliefs and this can give rise to irrational thinking and even maladaptive behaviour.

A fantastic study that was done by Leon Festinger when he was observing as a participant of a cult. They believed the earth was going to be destroyed by a flood. Some of the extremely committed members of this sect had even given up their jobs and their homes to work for the cult full time. Festinger wondered what would happen to the members’ beliefs when the occasion arose and the flood did not occur. When that time did emerge, some of the fringe members recognised that they had been misinformed or perhaps began building beliefs unnecessarily left the group. However, those more experienced or committed members started to reinterpret or re-frame the evidence to show that there were right all along. Even though before the event was to happen they were certain that the Earth would end through flood and that members of the cult would be taken away to safety.

Almost instantly, the most committed and experienced of the group fabricated a new justification of why the earth didn’t come to an end. This further compounded their belief.

See Why We Like What’s Familiar for more on this.

Dissonance can be reduced in one of three ways:

The first element is the person can change their attitudes, beliefs and behaviour. By aligning the two aspects, the dissonance is removed. But this is often very difficult as the behaviours and responses have been well ingrained and well learned over time.

The second element would have to be a cognition. Excepting new information would allow a person to become enlightened from a discovery if they were willing to accept it. Remember what I said earlier, people are very quick to try to reframe the situation rather than take in the information and use it as a lesson learnt.

The third element is to let it go simply. What this means is reduce the importance, or as I like to say, “drop the ego”. Just become more accepting that your beliefs, actions and behaviours will be challenged throughout your life and each of these challenges is an opportunity to learn and grow.

Cognitive dissonance can be used. Being a practical type I’m always looking for ways to improve, adapt and change.

I like to view cognitive dissonance as a sign and a signal that there is something to learn.

Any-time you get tapped on the shoulder by that feeling of conflict regarding a belief, action or behaviour that you have Just stop and think for a moment, “what if?” What if I can learn something from this, what if I can adapt my cognition or my actions to create fast-track improved outcomes the next time.

I’ve just finished reading a book called Black Box Thinking, and it talks in depth about cognitive dissonance and gives various examples. There is a definite correlation between experience, experts and those held in high regard on specific topics and the level of cognitive dissonance. It seems the more you know, the more difficult it is to accept new learnings, discoveries and new findings. Experts and academics are troubled with extreme levels of cognitive dissonance to protect themselves and their beliefs.

The medical profession is highlighted as a real problem for cognitive dissonance. Science is ever-changing, so are medicines and techniques. Therefore the medical profession is always battling with old beliefs that are being challenged.

Always wonder what you don’t know, this will allow you to grow!

The post 013 – Cognitive Dissonance and How To Use It appeared first on Mike Sweet.

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This is session number 013 of Influence Psychology and Persuasion podcast and this show is all about cognitive dissonance and how we can use it to improve our lives and outcomes dramatically.<br /> <br /> What is Cognitive Dissonance?<br /> <br /> This term refers to the situation where you have an internal conflict about your attitude, behaviours or a certain belief. Whenever you have this conflict, it is known as cognitive dissonance and it comes with a feeling of discomfort and in most cases the need to rationalise or reframe to realign those beliefs, thoughts, actions etc.<br /> <br /> An example would be: people smoking (their behaviour) yet they know it causes cancer and other serious diseases (their cognition). The cognitive dissonance would then show when a person would try to rationalise, reframe or make it right for them. “I've always done it, and it gives me a timeout”<br /> <br /> This is a theory that was presented by Leon Festinger in 1957. When he proposed this cognitive dissonance theory he explained that people want to remain consistent in their initial actions, and beliefs and this can give rise to irrational thinking and even maladaptive behaviour.<br /> <br /> A fantastic study that was done by Leon Festinger when he was observing as a participant of a cult that believed the earth was going to be destroyed by a flood. Some of the extremely committed members of this cult had even given up their jobs and their homes to work for the cult full time. Festinger wondered what would happen to the members beliefs when the time arose and the flood did not happen. When the time did arise, some of the fringe members recognised that they had been misinformed or perhaps began building beliefs unnecessarily left the group. However, those more experienced or committed members began to reinterpret or re-frame the evidence to show that there were right all along. Even though before the event was to happen they were absolutely certain that the Earth would end through flood and that members of the cult would be taken away to safety.<br /> <br /> Almost instantly, the most committed and experienced of the group fabricated a new justification of why the earth didn't flood or come to an end and this further compounded their belief.<br /> Mike Sweet clean
012 – Managing Your Internal Voices With Sub Modalities https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/012-managing-internal-voices-sub-modalities/ Fri, 18 Mar 2016 17:20:10 +0000 http://www.mikesweet.co.uk/?p=494 https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/012-managing-internal-voices-sub-modalities/#respond https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/012-managing-internal-voices-sub-modalities/feed/ 0 <p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/012-managing-internal-voices-sub-modalities/">012 – Managing Your Internal Voices With Sub Modalities</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk">Mike Sweet</a>.</p>

NLP In Action

Welcome to NLP In Action. NLP insights and practical tips to help you discover what NLP has for you.

This is Episode 012 of the NLP In Action podcast. This session is all about controlling your state, by managing your internal voice with submodalities and the way it or should say you make you feel. Your inner voice is the one that is talking to you right now.

Perhaps even while you’re listening, watching or reading this, that internal voice is still chattering away. There’s a chance it’s asking you because it wants you to ask me where I’m going with this.

Perhaps you’re confirming to yourself that you’ve heard something like this before! This inner voice or inner critic is with all of us. However, some people blame this inner voice and describe it as a piece of them that they simply can’t control. Some feel it has power over them and it makes them do and feel things or perhaps in some cases, not do, the things that they want to.

Who’s voice is it anyway?

The great news though, it’s your inner critic. In the book the chimp paradox the author describes this as monkey mind. It’s also referred to as monkey mind by certain Tai Chi practitioners. I like to see it as, you! Trying to separate this is precisely the problem. This is a part of you, and you have full control over it, however, some paradigms assume it’s “it”, that has authority.

So how do you begin to relinquish control over the seemingly wild trains of thoughts? One of the ways I mention quite frequently is the type of questions you ask yourself. I’ve covered this in another podcast please check that out. Today’s show is all about controlling this inner voice and sometimes our biggest critic by using submodalities. This is an NLP podcast after all! LOL

Time to get all NLP!

This inner voice in NLP terms is often referred to as Auditory Digital. Auditory Digital means merely the voice inside our head.

Submodalities of auditory digital are volume, pitch, pace, tonality and various other sound defining characteristics. It’s also worth noting that changing the location of the voice is very powerful too. We know the sound of that voice which is inside our head, however, merely moving that sound to another part of your body could also have a dramatic, profound effect very quickly.

We understand lots about language, we know that it’s not so much the words we choose to use, but the “how” we say them that can make a big difference to a person. Thankfully we can change our inner critic easily.

Let’s look at some examples of how to use submodalities

Perhaps you’re learning guitar, and you’re finding it difficult initially as anyone would. You keep on keeping on. But the inner critic just keeps saying, “you’re never going to be any good at this, you just haven’t got the dexterity.” Now if this is said in a tone and way that make you feel as if it has an impact on your performance, then it’s time to change that. Try saying that in your head but in a playground childish “ner ner na ner” style. “You’re never going to be good at this; you just don’t have the dexterity. You’re too old to learn to play the guitar why didn’t you learn earlier?”

You can also change the pace that you use for your inner voice. Another great technique is to simply change the character inside your head when it’s unhelpful to something that perhaps comical or has less perceived authority. Something like Lisa Simpson, Donald Duck or Stuart Little.

Volume is also a great way to control how you feel when your inner critic just jumps in. Just imagine for a moment. Turn it down or even using proximity and moving that voice from the centre of your head. Perhaps down your body to your knee or your foot or even move it away from you entirely. Perhaps on the window ledge or even outside of the window so it’s really quiet just talking to you from outside. Remember this is all a process of imagination, and so much of NLP is about constructing a new imagined process which dramatically changes your state and your outcome. Even though there are some guidelines and boundaries remember you can play with this as much as you want, just notice your state as you do so.

Submodalities can be used in so many ways. Some people like to imagine a control room inside of them where they’re able to adjust all of the submodalities. Imagine for a moment you’ve got your own internal control room that you can access any moment to turn up and down experiences, make them bigger, make the smaller, desaturate them or really make them vibrant and colourful. They are your imaginations therefore your constructions and your creations. But most of us don’t give a second thought to what we create. Even though they directly affect the way we feel and act. Adjusting and playing with submodalities really can allow us to regain control.

The post 012 – Managing Your Internal Voices With Sub Modalities appeared first on Mike Sweet.

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This is Episode 012 of the NLP In Action podcast. This session is all about controlling your state, by controlling your inner voice and the way it or should say you make you feel. Your inner voice is the one that is talking to you right now.<br /> <br /> Perhaps even while you're listening, or reading this that internal voice is still chattering away. There's a chance is asking you because it wants to ask me where I'm going with this, or perhaps you're confirming to yourself that you've heard something like this before! this in a voice, or inner critic is with you all of us, however some people blame this inner voice and describe it as a piece of them that they simply can't control, it seems to have power over them and it makes them do things or perhaps in summary more cases not do the things that they want to.<br /> <br /> The great news though, it's your inner critic. In the book the chimp paradox the author describes this as monkey mind. It's also referred to as monkey mind by certain Tai Chi practitioners. I like to refer it to it as, you! Trying to separate this is exactly the problem. This is a part of you, and you have full control over it, however some paradigms assume it's it, that has the control.<br /> <br /> So how do you begin to relinquish this control over this seemingly wild train of thoughts? One of the ways I mention quite frequently is the type of questions you ask yourself. I've covered this in another podcast please check that out. Today's show is all about controlling this inner voice and sometimes our biggest critic by using sub-modalities. This is an NLP podcast after all! LOL Mike Sweet clean
011 – What We Can Do About Stress https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/011-what-we-can-do-about-stress/ Fri, 11 Mar 2016 19:58:45 +0000 http://www.mikesweet.co.uk/?p=478 https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/011-what-we-can-do-about-stress/#respond https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/011-what-we-can-do-about-stress/feed/ 0 <p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/011-what-we-can-do-about-stress/">011 – What We Can Do About Stress</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk">Mike Sweet</a>.</p>

Ideas for Life

What is Stress?

The first and most important part to understand about stress is the fact that it’s all perceptual. That’s right, stress is all defined and graded based upon a person perception of that particular stressor.Think about it for a moment, you’re at work and all hell breaks loose, it seems as if the company is about to fold, and this seems like a perfect time that everyone around you will be stressed, but you find the person who has sat next you for years seems quite cool about it. They are not panicking, they are not stressing, it seems almost as if they have either turned a blind eye to the fact that going on around them or it was all part of their bigger plan anyway.

The truth is, the stresses around us in our day-to-day existence are all categorised by us, we are the ones who define how stressful something is, or is supposed to be. Like most feelings, some people are simply more practised at producing stress than others, and there are other people who can seem to overcome stressful situations more easily, as they are more practised at being placid and calm. Perhaps you can see where I’m going with this already if you’ve listened to my podcast? Practice makes permanent, and those people who make a conscious effort to actively practice feeling more placid and calm are definitely able to produce those feelings when others around them are losing it.

What’s the Purpose of Stress?

Stress isn’t all bad, it does serve a purpose even if that purpose is slightly advanced for our  evolutionary place in time.

When the body senses that an event requires an additional burst of action, adrenaline and cortisone, the body floods our system to produce a rapid desired response to allow us to overcome this initial event. I’m sure you’ve heard of certain stories where people have reacted with superhuman strength and accuracy in times of extreme stress, such as a building collapse or fire for example. The body produces these amazing effect by pumping adrenaline, increasing our heart rate and delivering more oxygen to our vital organs including the brain and muscles, this enables us to react more quickly and more effectively. stress, at its core, is there as a protective device and we will have all witnessed a time that it has been useful for us, so don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater. Some stress does have a purpose and is very useful.

Where is Stress Not Useful?

Stress has a very bad name, people hate to feel stressed and in fact stress is responsible for many of life’s struggles. stress causes problems, when it is manifesting every single day. Again as I’ve mentioned above, it’s all about perception. If you perceive your job to be extremely stressful rather than challenging and exciting, then again you will begin to release these chemicals and hormones throughout your system. Remember, these are fantastic when you need to take rapid quick action, but they are not very helpful if they are circulating throughout your system day after day. Stress when it’s sporadic and reactive is perfect. Your body is working in harmony to keep you safe and well. Being stressed about work, stressed about your car, stressed about your health and stressed about your love ones is not only not helpful but it’s safe to say is extremely damaging to your entire system.

What Action Can We Take Against Stress

So what needs to happen? Firstly, it’s time for a reality check. A certain stress may occur and you need to ask yourself, will this thing be bothering me three weeks from now, two months from now? The idea here is to put this into perspective. When we have stresses, and we can really feel like they are weighing us down what we really need to do is assess the stress and realise that there probably is an endpoint.

If some reason you’re still extremely stressed about your job and there isn’t an endpoint because you need to stay there for some reason or another. Pinpoint what it is that stressing you and reframe it. Perhaps the person in the office who frustrates you or is nasty to you on a regular basis. A simple reframe would be to ask yourself what can you learn from this person? I know this sounds completely wacky, but in my other podcast questions are the answers it explains how asking yourself certain questions can really allow you to see a situation differently.

Take five! We know by now that prolonged stress can have a catastrophic effect on our emotional and physical well-being. By taking time to actively distress, and this could be using meditation, hypnosis, other relaxation techniques, going to the gym or getting mobile. Giving yourself the gift of time, and time out really is a productive and beneficial technique to allow you to purge the negative feelings of stress. This is further enhanced by embracing that time, really feeling thankful that you are able to give yourself the gift of Taking Five.

The takeaways from today are:

All stress is determined by you and how you perceive it and frame it.
Give yourself the gift of relaxation in some form.
If you can do something about stressful situation, then do it. If you’re not able to directly affect it, then don’t stress about it if it’s completely out of your control.

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This is session number 011 of the Living The Life podcast. This session is about stress. What it is really, and what we can do to prevent stress.<br /> <br /> What is Stress?<br /> <br /> The first and most important part to understand about stress is the fact that it's all perceptual. That's right, stress is all defined and graded based upon a person perception of that particular stressor.Think about it for a moment, you're at work and all hell breaks loose, it seems as if the company is about to fold, and this seems like a perfect time that everyone around you will be stressed, but you find the person who has sat next you for years seems quite cool about it. They are not panicking, they are not stressing, it seems almost as if they have either turned a blind eye to the fact that going on around them or it was all part of their bigger plan anyway.<br /> <br /> The truth is, the stresses around us in our day-to-day existence are all categorised by us, we are the ones who define how stressful something is, or is supposed to be. Like most feelings, some people are simply more practised at producing stress than others, and there are other people who can seem to overcome stressful situations more easily, as they are more practised at being placid and calm. Perhaps you can see where I'm going with this already if you've listened to my podcast? Practice makes permanent, and those people who make a conscious effort to actively practice feeling more placid and calm are definitely able to produce those feelings when others around them are losing it.<br /> <br /> What's the Purpose of Stress?<br /> <br /> Stress isn't all bad, it does serve a purpose even if that purpose is slightly advanced for our evolutionary place in time.<br /> <br /> When the body senses that an event requires an additional burst of action, adrenaline and cortisone, the body floods our system to produce a rapid desired response to allow us to overcome this initial event. I'm sure you've heard of certain stories where people have reacted with superhuman strength and accuracy in times of extreme stress, such as a building collapse or fire for example. The body produces these amazing effect by pumping adrenaline, increasing our heart rate and delivering more oxygen to our vital organs including the brain and muscles, this enables us to react more quickly and more effectively. stress, at its core, is there as a protective device and we will have all witnessed a time that it has been useful for us, so don't throw the baby out with the bathwater. Some stress does have a purpose and is very useful.<br /> <br /> Where is Stress Not Useful?<br /> <br /> Stress has a very bad name, people hate to feel stressed and in fact stress is responsible for many of life's struggles. stress causes problems, when it is manifesting every single day. Again as I've mentioned above, it's all about perception. If you perceive your job to be extremely stressful rather than challenging and exciting, then again you will begin to release these chemicals and hormones throughout your system. Remember, these are fantastic when you need to take rapid quick action, but they are not very helpful if they are circulating throughout your system day after day. Stress when it's sporadic and reactive is perfect. Your body is working in harmony to keep you safe and well. Being stressed about work, stressed about your car, stressed about your health and stressed about your love ones is not only not helpful but it's safe to say is extremely damaging to your entire system. Mike Sweet clean
012 – Get Your Brain Off Its Butt! – Lazy Thinking https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/012-get-brain-off-butt/ Fri, 11 Mar 2016 19:46:11 +0000 http://www.mikesweet.co.uk/?p=481 https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/012-get-brain-off-butt/#respond https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/012-get-brain-off-butt/feed/ 0 <p>This is session number 12 of Influence Psychology and Persuasion. This show is all about Lazy Thinking. https://youtu.be/9nlXNg1XUuU Lazy thinking is responsible for so many critical thinking errors. Lazy thinking occurs because we need to limit our inputs and piece together our responses and choices. We do this based on what we have done before […]</p> <p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/012-get-brain-off-butt/">012 – Get Your Brain Off Its Butt! – Lazy Thinking</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk">Mike Sweet</a>.</p> This is session number 12 of Influence Psychology and Persuasion. This show is all about Lazy Thinking.

https://youtu.be/9nlXNg1XUuU

Lazy thinking is responsible for so many critical thinking errors. Lazy thinking occurs because we need to limit our inputs and piece together our responses and choices. We do this based on what we have done before and what has served us up to that point. Lazy thinking allows us to function normally, easily but it is defining our choices, decisions and lives as a whole. Action must be taken.

The psychological principle of lazy thinking, like most other principles, certainly serves a purpose. Every day our life is full of lessons. Each of these lessons are stored and allow us to shortcut critical thinking by using these lessons at a later date. Sometimes we even package these lessons to allow us to come up with a seemingly rapid accurate gut feel. Here is where the problem lies.

What’s the Issue?

Marketeers, sales professionals and even manipulators fully understand that we will go through most of our day on autopilot, lazily thinking and making decisions as we have done in the past.

This topic jumped out at me today whilst I was on the school run with the kids. I heard some mums talking about diet and foods. One of them sounded extremely pleased that they purchased a microwaveable dinner that was gluten-free. The other one also responded in amazement, and clearly wanted to try some of this gluten-free microwaveable dinner. As it was gluten-free, it’s obviously healthy isn’t it?

Now, this isn’t a show about diet, but the facts are this. Gluten is fine for most people, but for those who do suffer, the suffering can be quite intense. So a gluten-free option is certainly, an option and may have benefits for some. However, we’ve come to think that foods that are fat-free, gluten-free, sugarfree are the best options in all cases to choose regardless of our own dietary needs. This is lazy thinking in action.

Lazy Thinkers are quick to find proof

The lazy thinker would assume that if it didn’t have one of the above ingredients in, therefore it must be the healthier choice. The critical, active thinker may be wondering if these items have been taken out, what specifically has gone back in? Known neurotoxic sweeteners sometimes replace sugar, simply to have the product labelled as sugar-free!

Artificial thickeners are put in foods to replace fats. In most cases, fats that are beneficial to us are being replaced with thickeners that have no nutritional benefit whatsoever. But marketers get away with labelling something as fat-free, or even low-fat and make us want this more. Did you know chips are meat-free!!! It doesn’t tell you anything.

Lazy brain and lazy thinking affect us in so many ways. And it’s time to step in and make a cognitive assessment of your brains thinking. Let me give you some more examples.

Lazy thinkers tend to be more selfish. They will use certain languages and make specific judgements based on their social situations and things that seem to fit at that time. Think about it for a minute, how many times have you thought about something after an event, and realised that your initial decision was a mistake. “ thinking about it now I can……….”

When a person is admired or believed to be right on a particular subject. People also then believe more of what that person says, it seems that once a person has passed a validation test in some way or another. Then their other suggestions, comments and stories seem to be more plausible and believable. Manipulators can use this to set the scene. They can create a story or situation that they can prove to be true, and then follow it up with an illusion that you will simply adopt more easily. See more of this on the Halo Effect and Commitment and Consistency pages.

Get Critical Thinking Again

Now you know that lazy thinking occurs. Simply begin to spend more time becoming focused on an interaction. Still, listen to what’s going on, but always have that critical side of you wondering “what if”, or how do we know? Be careful with this though, it’s a great way to lose rapport and friends! Critical thinking really needs to be used when the outcome or the observation directly affects you, your life, your friends, your money, your health and so on. Don’t become that critical person who disbelieves everything a person says. Perhaps have a read of Agree Even When You Don’t for more on this.

Anything to do with avoiding being lazy normally involves a level of willpower. Did you realise, willpower is just like a muscle? Not only are you better at willpower when you are well rested, but if you use up your willpower throughout the day, then you’re far more susceptible to suggestions later on in the day. Your critical thinking muscle has been used throughout the day, so lazy thinking kicks in and suggests you get a bottle of red wine as you’ve had a busy week. Just think about times that you need to make critical decisions and ensure that your well rested, your days well planned so that you don’t use up your critical thinking on mundane tasks, and enter with an air of curiosity.

Just think about times that you need to make critical decisions and ensure that you’re well rested. That your days are well planned so that you don’t use up your critical thinking on mundane tasks and enter with an air of curiosity.

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This is session number 12 of Influence Psychology and Persuasion. This show is all about Lazy Thinking. https://youtu.be/9nlXNg1XUuU Lazy thinking is responsible for so many critical thinking errors. Lazy thinking occurs because we need to limit our in... This is session number 12 of the influence Psychology and Persuasion podcast. This show is all about Lazy Thinking.<br /> <br /> Lazy thinking is responsible for so many critical thinking errors. Lazy thinking occurs because we need to limit our inputs and piece together our responses and choices based upon what we have done before and what has served us up to this point. Lazy thinking allows us to function normally, easily but it is defining our choices, decisions and lives as a whole. Action must be taken.<br /> <br /> The psychological principle of lazy thinking, like most other principles certainly serves a purpose. Every day our life is full of lessons. Each of these lessons are stored and allow us to shortcut critical thinking by using these lessons at a later date. Sometimes we even package these lessons to allow us to come up with a seemingly rapid accurate gut feel. Here is where the problem lies.<br /> <br /> What's the Issue?<br /> <br /> Marketeers, sales professionals and even manipulators fully understand that we will go through most of our day on autopilot, lazily thinking and making decisions as we have done in the past.<br /> <br /> This topic jumped out at me today whilst I was on the school run with the kids, I heard some mums talking about diet, and foods. One of them sounded extremely pleased that they purchased a microwaveable dinner that was gluten-free. The other one also responded in amazement, and clearly wanted to try some of this gluten-free microwaveable dinner. As it was gluten-free, it's obviously healthy isn't it? Nnow this isn't a show about diet, but the facts are this. Gluten is fine for most people, but for those who do suffer, the suffering can be quite intense. So a gluten-free option is certainly, an option. However, we come to think that foods that are fat-free, gluten free, sugarfree are the best options in all cases to choose regardless of our own dietary needs.<br /> <br /> The lazy thinker would assume that if it didn't have one of the above ingredients in, therefore it must be the healthier choice. The critical, active thinker may be wondering if these items have been taken out what specifically has gone back in? Kknown neurotoxic sweeteners sometimes replace sugar, simply to have the label sugar free. Artificial thickeners are put in foods to replace fats. In most cases, fats that are beneficial to us replaced with thickeners that have no nutritional benefit whatsoever. But marketers get away with labelling something as fat-free, or even low-fat and make us want this more. Chips are meat free, it doesn't tell you anything.<br /> <br /> Lazy brain, and lazy thinking affects us in so many ways. And it's time to step in and make a cognitive assessment of your brains thinking. Let me give you some more examples.<br /> <br /> Lazy thinkers tend to be more selfish, and will use certain languages and make specific judgements based on their social situations and things that seem to fit at that time. Think about it for a minute, how many times have you thought about something after an event, and realised that your initial decision was a mistake. “ thinking about it now I can……….”<br /> <br /> When a person is admired, or believed to be right in a particular subject. People also then believe more of what that person says, it seems that once a person has passed a validation test in some way or another. Then there other suggestions, comments and stories seem to be more plausible and believable. Manipulators can use this to set the scene. They can create a story or situation that they can prove to be true, and then follow it up with an illusion that you will simply adopt more easily. Mike Sweet clean
011 – Pattern Interrupt https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/011-pattern-interrupt/ Fri, 11 Mar 2016 19:33:24 +0000 http://www.mikesweet.co.uk/?p=483 https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/011-pattern-interrupt/#respond https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/011-pattern-interrupt/feed/ 0 <p>This is session number 11 of the NLP in actions podcast and today’s show is all about the Pattern Interrupt. So much of NLP is flexible and not a one-trick pony. Its tools, techniques, and principles are readily transferable and can integrate with others, creating fantastic flexibility and profound changes. The pattern interrupt follows this […]</p> <p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/011-pattern-interrupt/">011 – Pattern Interrupt</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk">Mike Sweet</a>.</p> This is session number 11 of the NLP in actions podcast and today’s show is all about the Pattern Interrupt. So much of NLP is flexible and not a one-trick pony. Its tools, techniques, and principles are readily transferable and can integrate with others, creating fantastic flexibility and profound changes. The pattern interrupt follows this same pattern of flexibility in its applications, but its uses can seem so different.

What is a Pattern Interrupt

As we discover in NLP, so much of what we do is pattern-based. We follow specific methods, models and procedures whenever we do specific tasks or things. These models are patterns, and they allow us to generate and create specific outcomes and states. Some of these are beneficial, and others aren’t. Let me give you an example of a not so good pattern.

Your alarm goes off at 6 AM you reach over with your right arm and hit snooze, three minutes later the alarm goes off again and so does your arm, ready to hit the snooze button. This repeats several times until you finally decide it’s time to get out of bed. You eventually get out of bed, you’re not feeling too good, but you plod on as you do every single morning…….Because, this is your pattern. This also ties in nicely to the saying “if you do what you’ve always done, you will get what you’ve always got.”  Our patterns allow us to run on autopilot which is a massive advantage most of the time. If our patterns are not helpful and create states, we wish we weren’t in, the patterns need to be interrupted. Interruption allows for change.

An interruption in a pattern can dramatically transform a persons state or outcome, and there are so many ways to do this, so I’ll explain a few here. Once you understand this principle, you can find new means that you can use this and if you have any questions regarding these please do get in touch, and I can go over some with you.

To go back to the example I gave above about lying in bed in the morning and snoozing eight times before deciding to get up. A change in pattern or change in strategy could be to move your phone or alarm to the other side of the room. The following morning your alarm goes off at 6 AM. You have no choice but to get out of bed to turn the alarm off. Also decide before that, once the alarm goes off and you switch it off, that you stand at the other end of your bedroom, open the curtains and do a big stretch and take three deep breaths. This is a new pattern for you that you can decide upon, but whatever you do, it will create a dramatic change from what you were doing. And you can most definitely expect a difference in your state and how your morning runs typically.

Linguistic Patterns Interrupt

A pattern interrupts can also be used verbally or linguistically in many ways. Let’s have a look at this within a sales setting.

You are the salesman, and you’re making a cold call into a company to try and gain their trust and ultimately their business. Bearing in mind that when you’re making this call, there will have been hundreds before you making a very similar call. Therefore, a pattern by the person who answers the phone has already been created. They’ll be hardwired to a response when the salesperson calls and says “Hi my name is Joe, and I’m calling from the XYZ company, can you tell me who deals with X?” Now the person who answered the phone will have heard this script or something similar to it 1000 times over. And perhaps only one in the thousand had ever got an answer that they had wanted. Again a further pattern is ingrained, and it would be helpful if you could bypass this.

So, what you do? Do something that others don’t that will create an interrupt in that person’s pattern when they pick up the phone. Another great thing about breaking this type of patter is that they will associate the pattern they know with someone who is unsuccessful and doesn’t offer value. So much more goes on when you break a pattern.

To give you an example it could be something like:

“Hi Joe, this is Mike Sweet. Does that name sounds familiar to you?” Or “Hi Joe, can I ask you? Would you eat a bowl of worms for £200?” Or “I’ll ask this person….  Hi Joe, can you tell me what you think the best film in the 80’s was?” Or “I bet this isn’t a good time to call?”

The above examples are entirely different from what a person is used to, but they will cause a person to stop and think. You’ll definitely need to add a little bit of charisma and chuckle to allow these to not smash into the face of the person picking up the phone, but you will create different state than they have had up until that point.

Remember, you can always have the desired outcome with any interaction. Even if the person you’re talking to has a clear set intention. They’ll have a plan perhaps of what they are going to say to you, how they would like the conversation to go, and more importantly the outcome that they would like.

So, if you feel that the interaction or communication isn’t to your desired outcome, you can keep interrupting a person’s pattern while they are talking to you. This follows the same example that no doubt you will have experienced many times. Remember back to a time when a person is on a roll is telling you all about their holiday and they are thoroughly engrossed and infused. Then, you make a flippant comment like “my auntie Jude lost her flip-flops when she went to Majorca,” and all of a sudden, the person is off-track and they have forgotten what they were saying. This pattern interrupt allows you to regain control if that’s what you desire. But also remember, sometimes you’d like a person to carry on telling you about their holiday, so be very careful about interrupting patterns because it can have a massive state altering effect. This is a clear case of mismatching which you can hear and watch about on the matching and mirroring page.

Richard Bandler one of the founders of NLP uses pattern interrupts all of the time. There are many examples of him using a pattern interrupt while treating a client because it can be effective. He could simply be asking the client about their depression, OCD, ailment or something and as they’re explaining it and trying to describe it, he would make them laugh. He’d then repeat this pattern several times to anchor in the interrupted pattern. This then makes it extremely difficult for the person to tell or should I say re-live their problem. Any chance that person now tries to engage with the old unhelpful state or issue, they find that they’re anchored to the pattern interrupt which was conducive to them overcoming their problem by laughing or forgetting. Remember, a memory is only a memory of the last time you remembered it.

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This is session number 11 of the NLP in actions podcast and today’s show is all about the Pattern Interrupt. So much of NLP is flexible and not a one-trick pony. Its tools, techniques, and principles are readily transferable and can integrate with othe... This is session number 11 of the NLP in actions podcast and today's show is all about the Pattern Interrupt. So much of NLP is is flexible and not a one trick pony. Its tools, techniques, and principles are readily transferable and have the ability to integrate with others, creating amazing flexibility and profound changes. The pattern interrupt follows this exact same pattern of flexibility in its applications but it uses can seem so different.<br /> <br /> What is a Pattern Interrupt<br /> <br /> As we discover in NLP, so much of what we do is pattern-based. We follow certain methods, models and procedures whenever we do certain tasks or things. These models are patterns and they allow us to generate and create certain outcomes and states. Some of these are beneficial and others aren’t. Let me give you an example of a not so good pattern.<br /> <br /> Your alarm goes off at 6 AM you reach over with your right arm and hit snooze, three minutes later the alarm goes off again, and so does your arm, ready to hit the snooze button. This repeats several times until you finally decide it's time to get out of bed. You eventually get out of bed, you're not feeling too good, but you plod on as you do every single morning…….Because, this is your pattern. This also ties in nicely to the saying “if you do what you've always done, you will get what you've always got.” Our patterns allow us to run on autopilot which is a massive advantage most of the time. If our patterns are not helpful and create states we wish we weren't in, then patterns need to be interrupted.<br /> <br /> An interruption in a pattern can dramatically transform a person state or outcome and there are so many ways to do this, so I'll explain a few here. Once you understand this principle, you can find new ways that you can use this and if you have any questions regarding these please do get in touch and I can go over some with you.<br /> <br /> To go back to the example I gave above about lying in bed in the morning and snoozing eight times before deciding to get out. A change in pattern or change in strategy could be to move your phone or alarm to the other side of the room. The following morning when your alarm goes off at 6 AM you have no choice but to get out of bed to turn the alarm off, also decide prior to that, once the alarm goes off and you switch it off, you stand at the other end of your bedroom, open the curtains and do a big stretch and take three deep breaths. This is a pattern that you can decide upon, but whatever you do will create a dramatic change from what you were doing and you can most definitely expect a change in your state and how your morning normally runs. Mike Sweet clean
011- Expectation Defines Your Reality and Actions https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/011-expectation-defines-reality-actions/ Fri, 04 Mar 2016 17:31:13 +0000 http://www.mikesweet.co.uk/?p=454 https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/011-expectation-defines-reality-actions/#respond https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/011-expectation-defines-reality-actions/feed/ 0 <p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/011-expectation-defines-reality-actions/">011- Expectation Defines Your Reality and Actions</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk">Mike Sweet</a>.</p>

Welcome to Influence, Psychology and Persuasion

This is session number 011 of Influence Psychology and Persuasion. Be careful what you expect. Expectation will sway your choices, decisions, actions and behaviours.

There are so many examples of this and on different levels. For example, if you expect to have a rubbish day at work, then that’s what your RAS (Reticular Activating System. See this podcast for more on this) will see and experience.

The same applies for Luck. People who believe they are lucky will actually experience more luck.

However, I have another example inline with the persuasion element. I’ll explain this principle in the buying and selling field. Salespeople use and should use this. The good ones already do.

Here’s how it goes:
You and your partner go to look for a new mattress. While your shopping around trying some out, one really takes your fancy. The sale agent approaches. You ask “How much is this mattress?” Agent: “The deluxe medium firm is £1200. What is it you like about it?” The couple will now give their reasons and explanation, maybe even their desire to buy this. But something very important has happened. The level of expectation has been set. The figure £1200 is attached and expected to that product. This has created an anchor in their mind and what to expect when shopping for a mattress in this store. Pricing anchors are very powerful.

Here for the magic. The sales assistant can now say something like “The medium firm is a popular choice (Social Proof and agreeing with the couple’s choice. We like people who agree with us) and those people who like this mattress, love the Platinum version. Would you like me to tell you about it and show it to you?” Who wouldn’t? This is the first small yes. (See the Yes Set and also Commitment and Consistency pages for more on this). “This is the platinum version. There are twice as many springs for an unrivalled support, there is also the addition of a cool-tech top layer which keeps you warm in the winter and prevents sweating in the summer. This mattress also comes with a 10-year shape warranty instead of 5 years like the rest of our mattresses. And the final and the most major difference is that this comes with 2 cool tech pillows to guarantee the best nights sleep”  So, at this stage, the couple can see and appreciate all of those additions and they already have a benchmark of what they get for £1200. So what do you think they would price or should I say value this mattress at?

So, at this stage, the couple can see and appreciate all of those additions and they already have a benchmark of what they get for £1200. So what do you think they would price or should I say value this mattress at? Now the magician of a sales agent can add in, “Today this mattress is yours for £1320”! If this were me I’d appreciate the extra value shown and the Platinum mattress would be mine. I’ve heard stories of estate agents doing this very same principle. They would always have a “Normal home” on their books with a small garden, poor access and in need of decoration in all of their locations. The reason….. to show potential buyers what they would get for their money and to set the stage of expectation and create that anchor. If they did like this house then great, if not, then next home they had lined up for them in the same price bracket would seem like an amazing value. This is all due to expectation. Be careful what you expect. It will define your reality and behaviour.

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This is session number 011 of the Influence Psychology and Persuasion podcast. Be careful what you expect. Expectation will sway your choices, decisions actions and behaviours. There are so many examples of this and on different levels too. For example, if you expect to have a rubbish day at work, then that's what your RAS (Reticular Activating System. See<br /> <br /> There are so many examples of this and on different levels too. For example, if you expect to have a rubbish day at work, then that's what your RAS (Reticular Activating System. See this podcast for more on this) will see and experience.<br /> <br /> However to add another example inline with the persuasion element I'll explain this principle in the buying and selling field. Sales people use and should use this.<br /> <br /> Here's how it goes:<br /> You and your partner go to look for a new mattress. While your shopping around to try a few and one really takes your fancy. The sale agent approaches. You ask "How much is this mattress?" "The deluxe medium firm is £1200. What is it you like about it?" The couple will now give their explanation and desire to buy this, but something very important has happened. The level of expectation has been set. The figure £1200 now have a tangible product and expectancy attached to it in their minds.<br /> <br /> The level of expectation has been set. The figure £1200 now have a tangible product and expectancy attached to it in their minds. Here for the magic. The sales assistant can now say something like "The medium firm is a popular choice (Social Proof) and those people who like this mattress, love the Platinum version. would you like me to tell you about it and show it to you?" Who wouldn't? "This is the platinum version. There are twice as many springs for an unrivalled support, there is also the addition of a cool-tech top layer keeps you warm in the winter and prevents sweating in the summer. This mattress also comes with a 10-year shape warranty instead of 5 years like the rest of our mattresses. And the final and most major difference is that this comes with 2 cool tech pillows to guarantee the best nights sleep" So, at this stage the couple can see and appreciate all of those additions and they already have a bench mark of what they get for £1200. So what do you think they would price or should I say value this mattress at? Mike Sweet clean
010 – How To Learn To Accept https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/010-learn-accept/ Fri, 04 Mar 2016 16:24:17 +0000 http://www.mikesweet.co.uk/?p=461 https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/010-learn-accept/#respond https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/010-learn-accept/feed/ 0 <p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/010-learn-accept/">010 – How To Learn To Accept</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk">Mike Sweet</a>.</p>

Living the Life

This show is all about excepting what is, and using it to your advantage. So many times I meet people in therapy and coaching session who’s life is in constant flux. One day up and the next, rock bottom. These ups and downs can’t be predicted so It can feel like “life” is just happening to us, instead of us making it happen. I cover this principle on another podcast which you can find called Cause and Effect.  I’d like to suggest that you no longer allow life to just happen, but do you understand life happens because it’s supposed to.

The very best way for me to explain this, is by using an old story which has been delivered and told in so many different ways that I too, will adding my own version as the message it is conveying is extremely powerful and very simple to understand. This story is based upon the Taoist Farmer.

The Taoist farmer, lived in a very humble cottage with his grandson. It was only the two of them and they had to live off the land as most did and what they had, was just enough to sustain them. They had very little, their horse which helped to plough the fields was slow but effective. Every day the grandson and the horse would do their work to grow the food is that they needed. One morning, the grandson went outside, only to find the horse had disappeared. One of their neighbours heard about this and came straight over to speak with the Taoist farmer ” I heard that your horse that you will use to plough your fields has run-off, that such terrible news”  the farmer replied ” is neither good, nor bad, because we do not know the full story yet”  a few days later, the horse returned bringing with it to more beautiful wild horses.  The same neighbour approached the farmer and said ” what amazing news, you had one horse, then that one horse went away and now you have three!”  The farmer simply replied ” is no good, nor bad, because we do not know the full story yet.

The farmers grandson was training to use the new horses to help with plough in the fields and the additional work that they could do, and whilst mounting one of the new wild horses, it bucked him off, he fell and broke his leg.  A neighbour heard of this, and came to the farmer. ” were awful news, your grandson has broken his leg and you’re going to really struggle with the crops now”  the farmer replied, ” is no good nor bad because we do not know the full story yet”  a few weeks later there was a war in the land. The King instructed every able-bodied man to fight regardless of their age.  The farmers grandson didn’t need to go as his leg was broken, he was one of the few men left in the land.  and neighbour came to the house to speak with a farmer ” you’re so lucky that your grandson doesn’t need to go to war because of his accident”  the farmer replied, ” it’s not good or bad because we do not know the full story yet”

You get the gist, from the story that there is so much value in remaining levelheaded whether there is an up or down. It’s a great attitude to have that you simply do not know the full story.

Most of us get so wrapped up in what’s going on to us that we forget so much of it is it within our control. And it’s the control of our thoughts that allows us the peace of mind when the ups and downs come to create turbulence.

So think the current stress or worry you have in your life, and add into the  mix ” is neither good nor bad, because you do not know the full story yet!”

Listen up, and see what else you learn and discover during this podcast, and leave me comments or contact me on social media to discuss anything.

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This is session number 010 of the Living The Life podcast.This show is all about excepting what is, and using it to your advantage. So many times I meet people in therapy and coaching session who's life is in constant flux. One day up and the next, rock bottom. These ups and downs can't be predicted so It can feel like "life" is just happening to us, instead of us making it happen. I cover this principle on another podcast which you can find called Cause and Effect. I'd like to suggest that you no longer allow life to just happen, but do you understand life happens because it's supposed to.<br /> <br /> The very best way for me to explain this, is by using an old story which has been delivered and told in so many different ways that I too, will adding my own version as the message it is conveying is extremely powerful and very simple to understand. This story is based upon the Taoist Farmer.<br /> <br /> The Taoist farmer, lived in a very humble cottage with his grandson. It was only the two of them and they had to live off the land as most did and what they had, was just enough to sustain them. They had very little, their horse which helped to plough the fields was slow but effective. Every day the grandson and the horse would do their work to grow the food is that they needed. One morning, the grandson went outside, only to find the horse had disappeared. One of their neighbours heard about this and came straight over to speak with the Taoist farmer " I heard that your horse that you will use to plough your fields has run-off, that such terrible news" the farmer replied " is neither good, nor bad, because we do not know the full story yet" a few days later, the horse returned bringing with it to more beautiful wild horses. The same neighbour approached the farmer and said " what amazing news, you had one horse, then that one horse went away and now you have three!" The farmer simply replied " is no good, nor bad, because we do not know the full story yet. Mike Sweet clean
010 – The Circle of Excellence https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/010-the-circle-of-excellence/ Fri, 04 Mar 2016 16:14:01 +0000 http://www.mikesweet.co.uk/?p=458 https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/010-the-circle-of-excellence/#respond https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/010-the-circle-of-excellence/feed/ 0 <p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/010-the-circle-of-excellence/">010 – The Circle of Excellence</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk">Mike Sweet</a>.</p>

NLP In Action

Welcome to NLP In Action. NLP insights and practical tips to help you discover what NLP has for you.

This is Episode 010 of the NLP In Action podcast. This show is all about the Circle of Excellence. There are a few name variations to this but the principles are all the same. So just embrace the process and look for new applications and variations yourself. One of the main core skills of NLP is state management. Having the ability to manage your state in various circumstances has a massive positive impact. Most people let their states lead them. The Circle of excellence, sometimes known as the circle of confidence and many more variations is a simple process that allows a person to create a desired state, and then step into that any time that they choose. A person can have a number of these “desired states” for various applications, such as sales, negotiation, even having fun.

Superstars, presidents, and all types of people who are on stage go through some sort of Circle of excellence process, to enable them to deliver not only their speech but their passion and enthusiasm.

The Circle of Excellence process

  1. Decide on the resource or state. Choose a resourceful state that you would like to have more often.
  2. Imagine there’s a circle on the floor in front of you, something the size that you can step into. Some people even like to mark this out.
  3. Time to elicit that state, so take some time, relax and breathe deeply. As this is a process of imagination, it’s usually easier to do this with your eyes closed.
  4. Now elicit a strong resourceful state. Really intensify that feeling, act as if you had that state intensely, notice those sensations, and feelings.
  5. Now project those intense feelings into the circle in front of you. Notice what colour they are, how are they moving what the size is? Notice the sounds or feelings that come from that circle.
  6. Now, step into the circle when the feelings and emotions are at their peak. As soon as you get in there, intensify those feelings as much as you can, notice and feel the powerful emotions that are surrounding and flowing throughout your entire body. Breathe it in, and wholly embrace it.
  7. Anchor that feeling with some natural gesture word or phrase. Some people use a body movement as an anchor that is in line with the state they are trying to produce.
  8. Don’t let the intensity fade, step back out, shake off the feelings and return to a healthy normal state. ( Questions like: what did I have at breakfast on Wednesday is a great way to create a neutral state change).
  9. Now repeat the process, adding in where possible even more powerful emotions

The trick with this is, to actively imagine stepping into the circle when it has all the resources ready for you, instantly feeling those feelings and emotions which in turn create that state that you desire, and when that’s no longer needed, imagine stepping back out of the circle.

As this is a process of imagination, the circle can go with you. Where you go, it can go. Just think of it as your resource or force field. You just need to remember to step out of it and come back to a neutral state any time that that state is not required.

There are some more methods to this which I use quite frequently. The people who would like to become more socially excellent, I ask them to use this process but imagine that every doorway that they walk through can generate feelings that allow them to feel confident, and communicate excellently in social settings. The beauty of doing this is that while imagining walking through each doorway you become more socially excellent and sure, this process becomes automatic with time. Practice makes permanent remember?

As I always say, think of new applications that you can use this. Another example I can give you would be for an item of clothing. Perhaps any time you put on certain dress or jacket, you instantly change your state that is conducive to the type of place that you’ll be wearing it. It could be a fun state while you’re wearing this item at a dinner event, or it could be an intellectual thinker as these items are worn during business meetings. Whatever it may be, it’s a process of imagination. So please do look into as many ways as possible to utilise this strategy, because it’s widespread, extremely helpful but massively overlooked.

In simple terms, it’s nothing more than a power tie or a lucky pen. We attached meaning to so many inanimate things. The circle of excellence is a little different as it can always be with you and you can’t leave it at home.

The post 010 – The Circle of Excellence appeared first on Mike Sweet.

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This is Episode 010 of the NLP In Action podcast. This show is all about the Circle of Excellence. There are a few name variations to this but the principles are all the same. So just embrace the process and look for new applications and variations yourself. One of the main core skills of NLP is state management. Having the ability to manage your state in various circumstances has a massive positive impact. Most people let their states managed them. The Circle of excellence, sometimes known as the circle of confidence and many more variations is a simple process that allows a person to create a desired state, and then step into that any time that they choose. A person can have a number of these "desired states" for various applications, such as sales, negotiation, even having fun.<br /> <br /> Superstars, presidents, and all types of people who are on stage, go through some sort of Circle of excellence process, to enable them to deliver not only their speech but their passion and enthusiasm.<br /> <br /> The Circle of Excellence process<br /> <br /> Decide on the resource or state. Choose a resourceful state that you would like to have more often.<br /> Imagine there's a circle on the floor in front of you, something the size that you can step into. Some people even like to mark this out.<br /> Time to elicit that state, so take some time, relax and breathe deeply. As this is a process of imagination, it's usually easier to do this with your eyes closed.<br /> Now elicit a strong resourceful state. really intensify that feeling, act as if you had that state intensely, notice the sensations, and feelings.<br /> Now project those intense feelings into the circle in front of you. Notice what colour they are, how they moving what's the size? Notice the sounds of feelings that come from that circle.<br /> Now, step into the circle when the feelings and emotions are at their peak. As soon as you get in there, intensify those feelings as much as you can, notice and feel the powerful emotions that are surrounding and flowing throughout your entire body. Breathe it in, and totally embrace it.<br /> Anchor that feeling with some natural gesture word or phrase. Some people use a body movement as an anchor that is in line with the state they are trying to produce.<br /> Don't let the intensity fade, step back out, shake off the feelings and return to a normal state. ( Questions like what do I have a breakfast on Wednesday is a great way to create a neutral state change).<br /> Now repeat the process, adding in where possible even more powerful emotions Mike Sweet clean
009 – It’s Never Crowded Along The Extra Mile https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/009-its-never-crowded-along-the-extra-mile/ Fri, 26 Feb 2016 15:50:55 +0000 http://www.mikesweet.co.uk/?p=433 https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/009-its-never-crowded-along-the-extra-mile/#respond https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/009-its-never-crowded-along-the-extra-mile/feed/ 0 <p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/009-its-never-crowded-along-the-extra-mile/">009 – It’s Never Crowded Along The Extra Mile</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk">Mike Sweet</a>.</p>

Living The Life

This session is close to my heart and since I have taken notice of this I have witnessed this more and more. It’s never crowded along the extra mile. What does this mean? Simply put, if you’re willing to do those things most others won’t do, then it’s a far easier journey, paved with rapid results and a calm feeling of achievement.

Most people go through their lives, living to times dictated to them by others and seemingly external factors. Work starts at 8:30 am, therefore, you factor in the commute and the time to get dressed and maybe rush some boxed breakfast. You get into work, open your emails and see what you have to deal with immediately. You have a barrage of emails and along with that your boss has just told you they need to have a report in for lunch time, plus can you prepare a presentation for 5:30pm as you have a finance meeting. It seems like these talks keep mounting and no matter how productive you are, you simply can’t catch up. You’re behind the ball and theres no way out.

So what does this do with travelling an extra mile I hear you ask? Well, firstly this “mile” is a metaphorical one, so no need to get back in your car for a short trip. The extra mile is the additional output that can transform a person’s life, literally. A little extra that will massively increase output, productivity while even reducing stress levels and ability to cope.

An example of the extra mile in the above situation would be this. Instead of working backwards and getting up at 6:35 am as you know from experience that gets you in on time, you set your alarm and get up for 5:30 am. This magic hour is the first step. Not only will the house be quiet and the bathrooms be free, but you’ll be getting prepared without distraction from family and phones etc. Getting ready will now be done in less time. you’ve had a few extra mins to get some quality breakfast and now you’re ready to leave the house. But wait….. You’re in for another treat. The roads are so much clearer, remember how your morning commute was spent listening to rubbish on the radio, with your phone pinging away in your lap to alert you of more impending works and stress. No more! The commute is smooth, then the phone is quiet and to top it off the car park is empty. You get the best spot too.

When you get in the office there is hardly anyone there. You grab a morning drink and sit down to the computer. First things first, that note off your boss about the presentation and report. Done. Distraction free and you’re away. The main task for the day is done. Next the emails that need to be picked up. Sailed through them and you’re clear for the day. With proper prior planning the extra mile is nothing short of a miracle. That one extra hour in the morning has the ability to transform your day and most importantly your stress levels.

Don’t limit the extra mile to an early start. The best way to find these wormholes is to see what most people do, and then just do that little bit more.

The reason this is today’s post is because I have added something into to my life which I have dreaded for years and now fully embrace. I set my alarm for 4:30 am to get to the Gym. The reason. My wife loves to do the 6:15 am gym classes so with kids someone has to be at home. Here are my options. Lie in until 6:30 am ish until the house wakes, my wife is sweating her pants off at the gym and it’s time for me to get the house, kids and dog ready for when she gets home for about 7:20 am, then it’s my turn. The morning this way as you can imagine is a mad rush. The traffic to the gym isn’t great and on the way back, what a disaster. This means I don’t get showered and dressed for work until at least 9:20 am!!!  Now I know this isn’t late but………. By getting up at 4:30 am I’m back dressed and fed before the kids wake. My day can start on those gym days as soon as my wife gets back. I’m simply ahead of the game.

I’m not alone! I was very surprised quite how many people were also at the gym at this time. It’s far from busy but you won’t be the only one. But you will be part of a very select few who choose productivity and the ability to run their day on their time frame.

Where are you able to go the extra mile?

Listen up, and see what else you learn and discover during this podcast, and leave me comments or contact me on social media to discuss anything.

The post 009 – It’s Never Crowded Along The Extra Mile appeared first on Mike Sweet.

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This is session number 009 of the Living The Life podcast. This session is close to my heart and since I have taken notice of this I have witnessed this more and more. It's never crowded along the extra mile. What does this mean? Simply put, if you're willing to do those things most others won't do, then it's a far easier journey, paved with rapid results and a calm feeling of achievement.<br /> <br /> Most people go through their lives, living to times dictated to them by others and seemingly external factors. Work starts at 8:30 am, therefore, you factor in the commute and the time to get dressed and maybe rush some boxed breakfast. You get into work, open your emails and see what you have to deal with immediately. You have a barrage of emails and along with that your boss has just told you they need to have a report in for lunch time, plus can you prepare a presentation for 5:30pm as you have a finance meeting. It seems like these talks keep mounting and no matter how productive you are, you simply can't catch up. You're behind the ball and theres no way out.<br /> <br /> So what does this do with travelling an extra mile I hear you ask? Well, firstly this "mile" is a metaphorical one, so no need to get back in your car for a short trip. The extra mile is the additional output that can transform a person's life, literally. A little extra that will massively increase output, productivity while even reducing stress levels and ability to cope.<br /> <br /> An example of the extra mile in the above situation would be this. Instead of working backwards and getting up at 6:35 am as you know from experience that gets you in on time, you set your alarm and get up for 5:30 am. This magic hour is the first step. Not only will the house be quiet and the bathrooms be free, but you'll be getting prepared without distraction from family and phones etc. Getting ready will now be done in less time. you've had a few extra mins to get some quality breakfast and now you're ready to leave the house. But wait..... You're in for another treat. The roads are so much clearer, remember how your morning commute was spent listening to rubbish on the radio, with your phone pinging away in your lap to alert you of more impending works and stress. No more! The commute is smooth, then the phone is quiet and to top it off the car park is empty. You get the best spot too. Mike Sweet clean
009 – Representational Systems https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/009-representational-systems/ Fri, 26 Feb 2016 15:47:04 +0000 http://www.mikesweet.co.uk/?p=440 https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/009-representational-systems/#respond https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/009-representational-systems/feed/ 0 <p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/009-representational-systems/">009 – Representational Systems</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk">Mike Sweet</a>.</p>

NLP In Action

Welcome to NLP In Action. NLP insights and practical tips to help you discover what NLP has for you.

This is Episode 009 of the NLP In Action podcast and this session is all about representational systems, sometimes called rep systems in the world of NLP. Rep systems are yet another cornerstone of NLP, and without them, you will be in the dark.

What are representational systems?

Representational systems can be defined as particular senses we use to describe our experience of the world. There are three primary and five overall representational systems for this explanation. These are Visual, Auditory, Kinaesthetic, Olfactory and Gustatory Aka V.A.K.O.G in the vast majority of cases only the first three are used.

Start to notice these representational systems in a persons choice of words. NLP calls these “predicates.” This is meant to imply something relating to the representational systems used.

People will have a dominant or sensory preference that you’ll be able to pick up in their language. The reason you’d want to know this is that it makes connecting with people far easier. Communicating in a person’s sensory preference is a great rapport builder, and I’m sure you’ve heard people say, “we were just on the same wavelength.” There are some reasons for this, but sensory preference matching is a great step in the right direction. Talking “their way” makes communication flow as they do not need to swap over rep systems internally to make more sense of the communication. In essence, your on the same page, talking the same language.

You’ve heard of the film, Lost In Translation right?

Well, this is exactly what can happen if two people are in different rep systems and literally talking in different ways. Communication is missed and commonality if hard to achieve. This is why practising this is so important. Let me give you an example of interaction where rep systems are not aligned.

Wedding Planner: Thanks for choosing me to plan all of your special day. I understand from your email you are stuck for ideas and feel like you’ve hit a wall. Can you lay out the issues?

Couple: This is right, we really are looking for clarity, We’ve been overshadowed for some time now and we can’t see the woods for the trees.

Wedding Planner: I’m sure together we can get a good grasp on what you’re after and make all of the right steps in the right direction.

Couple: OK we are stuck with all of this – we just can’t seem to picture the event in our minds

Wedding Planner: I have this all of the time. You’re not alone. Most people do feel calmer once they have a full plan in place and small action steps to get there.

Couple: (Unsure) I’m not sure we’re getting the picture across.

The Couple may be thinking: We were really hoping his wedding planner will be able to bring the event alive in our minds. What do I have to do, draw him a diagram?

The Wedding Planner is thinking: Hmm, the client is resistant. Tough sell this one.

Now, notice what rep systems were preferred and used by each party. The Wedding Planner should be simple to get a grasp of, and after re-reading you’ll get a clear picture of the couples too.

As this example has given you an idea of miss-matching, I hope you can see the implications? The ability to listen and take a simple note of a person preferred rep systems will make you an excellent communicator for whatever purpose.

What happens in written text or talking to a group?

In 1-2-1 interactions this is a relatively simple process, but what happens when you are talking to a group, writing a letter or doing a speech? Well, there is no possible way to guess so the simple answer way, diversify your own language. And guess what? You’ll have your own sensory preference too. Changing that is more tricky than noticing others. This is well worth the time though, and as I always say, practice makes……….. permanent.

These rep systems run our whole experience and therefore, there is more to think about that our language and the choice of words we use. If a person can be a “Visual” type and have a preference of those types of sub-modalities, then it’s very probable that the person will also have a real eye for detail or an appreciation of all things visual. Think of the possibilities here!

Let’s go back to the wedding example above. It’s sad but true that lots of people who are getting married plan their day so that others will enjoy it, they consider how a person might respond to certain parts, likes, and dislikes. This is a strange concept to me but worth noting.

If this is you, or you have to entertain or put an event on, there are some other areas you can think about. What does the place look like overall, is it comfortable, is the PA system and music right so you can create the ambience you’d like, how loud should the music be when the people are eating? These considerations are what can make people feel like overall the event went well.

Other considerations

Also, like me, there will be the Auditory Digital types who will think in words and numbers. These, like me, are looking for logic and what can be explained.

So the takeaway! Listen for others preference, Find your own. Be flexible and if all else fails, use a variety of rep systems and their submodalities.

The post 009 – Representational Systems appeared first on Mike Sweet.

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This is Episode 009 of the NLP In Action podcast and this session is all about representational systems, sometimes called rep systems in the world of NLP. Rep systems are yet another corner stone of NLP and without them, you will literally be in the dark.<br /> <br /> A representational system, can be defined as particular senses we use to describe our experience of the world. There are 3 main and 5 overall representational systems for the purpose of this explanation. These are Visual, Auditory, Kinaesthetic, Olfactory and Gustatory Aka V.A.K.O.G in the vast majority of cases only the first 3 are used. With all practice, do what's necessary and then add in later once you have mastered the most relevant and useful steps.<br /> <br /> Start to notice these representational systems in a persons choice of words. NLP calls these "predicates". This is meant to imply something relating to the representational systems used.<br /> <br /> People will have a dominant or sensory preference that you'll be able to pick up in their language. The reason you'd want to know this is that it makes connecting with people far easier. Communicating in a person's sensory preference is a great rapport builder and I'm sure you've heard people say, "we were just on the same wavelength". There are a number of reasons for this but sensory preference matching is a great step in the right direction. Talking "their way" makes communication flow as they do not need to swap over rep systems internally in an effort to make more sense of the communication. Mike Sweet clean
010 – Creating An Uncanny Connection https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/010-creating-an-uncanny-connection/ Fri, 26 Feb 2016 15:35:32 +0000 http://www.mikesweet.co.uk/?p=446 https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/010-creating-an-uncanny-connection/#respond https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/010-creating-an-uncanny-connection/feed/ 0 <p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/010-creating-an-uncanny-connection/">010 – Creating An Uncanny Connection</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk">Mike Sweet</a>.</p>

Welcome to Influence, Psychology and Persuasion

This is session number 010 of Influence Psychology and Persuasion. I have a confession! I have just covered this in another one of my Podcast on NLP titled Representational systems, but this just had to be added here too. It’s an entirely new recording, and I’ll be explaining it in another way. More aligned with Influence and persuasion.

Using representational systems to get people on board is a skill not to be missed. This is very quickly practised and very simple to implement too. Here’s the video:

What are Representational Systems?

Simply put, representational systems are our five senses. Each of us, senses and experiences the world very differently as you probably well-know. The senses are V.A.K.O.G. and these stand for visual, auditory, kinesthetic, olfactory, and gustatory. Typically, and for the purpose of this session, I’ll be just talking about the first three, visual, auditory, and kinesthetic. Most people do not experience the world through smell or taste so will leave those out for simplicity. People have preferences in the type of representational system that they use most. This is their dominant or preferred representational system, But typically, people will use all of the senses to experience at some point or another.

How Is This Useful For Influence And Persuasion?

This gets interesting when you can use a person’s preference in your dialogue while you are communicating in with them. This connection or matching of representational systems is what makes people feel more significant levels of rapport and more comfort. And we know by now, affinity and feeling comfortable always allows for interactions to flow more smoothly and therefore will enable the communicator to direct the situation conversation into the desired outcome more efficiently. The most accessible example that you will know and understand is when two people meet for the first time but get on so well for no reason known to them that they make a statement like “it feels like we were on the same wavelength”  or even “we just talk the same language”. This is a great sign. That two people are aligned in how they represent the world and its meaning.

How to Know What Representational Systems Someone is Using

Listen, listen, listen! It becomes effortless to pick out in a person’s language what their representational preference is just by having a few moments talking to them. “What was your journey like here today?” ” Well, to be honest, I felt a little overwhelmed before I left home which probably set me on the path to an uncomfortable train journey and an anxious feeling in my stomach.” 

As you can see in that short example person that answered represented their morning using words aligned with a kinesthetic representational system. Words like overwhelmed, anxious, feeling, uncomfortable are all signs or sub-modalities of a kinesthetic communicator. One thing I like to point out here is to not necessarily jump on the bandwagon and think that someone is automatically primarily a kinesthetic type just by a line or two of communication, take note and carry on the discussion to see what else comes out. “How you getting on with the report”? “Wow! When I first saw it, I felt a little bit sick. But to be honest, it seems clear now, I have a picture in my mind of where I need to go with it, and I’ll have it on your desk by next Tuesday”.  As you can see by the above example, I’ve bolded the words that give you an indication to the representational systems used, and there are two. Feelings, therefore, kinaesthetic and then visual. As you can see, just by asking a few simple questions or listening to a person in dialogue, you will rapidly be able to pick up on their representational systems will be to respond in line with that. Get the picture?

Do I Need To Know My Own Representational Preference?

You absolutely do! Knowing you own preference allows you to tailor your responses, and questions to another person line of communication by using their representational choices. If you are the first to interact, or you are talking to a large group, you don’t have the luxury of tailoring your communication using their preference, so what you do in this situation? Well, it’s easier than you might think. As you saw above in that small demonstration, people do flit between representational systems all the time. So to influence and keep a high level of rapport with groups of people, or with people that you haven’t yet had an open dialogue with. Use language that varied in the representational system make your preference, all three, visual, auditory, and kinesthetic. When describing, telling a story or elaborating. This is a surefire way to connect with all of the listeners.

 

The post 010 – Creating An Uncanny Connection appeared first on Mike Sweet.

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This is session number 010 of the Influence Psychology and Persuasion podcast. I have a confession! I have just covered this in another one of my Podcast on NLP titled Representational systems, but this just had to be added here too. It's a completely new recording and I'll be explaining it in another way. More aligned with Influence and persuasion.<br /> <br /> Using representational systems to get people on board is a skill not to be missed. This is very easily practiced and very simple to implement too.<br /> <br /> What are Representational Systems?<br /> <br /> Simply put, representational systems are our 5 senses. Each of us senses and experiences the world very differently as you probably well-know. The senses are V.A.K.O.G. and these stand for visual, auditory, kinesthetic, olfactory, and gustatory. typically, and to the purpose of this session I'll be just talking about the first three, visual, auditory, and kinesthetic. Most people do not experience the world through smell or taste so will leave those out for simplicity. People have preferences in the type of representational system that they use mostly. This is their dominant, or preferred representational system, But typically, people will use all of the senses to experience at some point or another.<br /> <br /> How Is This Useful For Influence And Persuasion?<br /> <br /> This gets interesting when you can use a person's preference in your own dialogue while you are communicating in with them. This connection or matching of representational systems is what makes people feel greater levels of rapport and more comfort. And we know by now, report and feeling comfortable always allows for interactions to flow more smoothly and therefore allow the communicator to direct the situation conversation into the desired outcome more easily. The easiest example that you will know and understand is when two people meet for the first time, but get on so well for no reason known to them that they make a statement like " it feels like we were on the same wavelength" or even " we just talk the same language". this is a great sign, That two people are aligned in how they represent the world and its meaning. Mike Sweet clean
008 – Get Uncomfortable NOW https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/008-get-uncomfortable-now/ Tue, 09 Feb 2016 18:21:43 +0000 http://www.mikesweet.co.uk/?p=421 https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/008-get-uncomfortable-now/#respond https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/008-get-uncomfortable-now/feed/ 0 <p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/008-get-uncomfortable-now/">008 – Get Uncomfortable NOW</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk">Mike Sweet</a>.</p>

Living The Life

This session is very close to my heart and is an area, I’m always pushing! But it doesn’t come easily to me. I wish it did. Getting uncomfortable with something is a sign and a signal that you’re about to learn, achieve or push a boundary with something. Whenever boundaries are pushed, lessons and discoveries are uncovered. This is where I want to spend my life. Pushing, trying, learning and growing.

Why I’m suggesting being uncomfortable is good

OK, the best place to start here is a quote. “Do what you’ve done and you’ll get what you’ve got“. So, what if I’m happy with what I have and have achieved? This is a great question and it leads me on to a very important life, personal, mental and physical health fact! You can only ever be in 2 states during your life, growing or dying. Listen to more of these Podcasts for more on this but, in a nutshell, we are goal seeking beings from birth, this is the time where we push the most and have an unfathomable amount of tenacity plus for most it’s the time where we spend most of our days happy. This isn’t because we are eating cushions, or chewing keys, it’s because we are always attempting things we can’t do. e.g. Growing. If you can practice challenging yourself this is a sure way to keep happy and motivated. It’s the achievements we remember when we are old and tell a story. These trials and tribulation shape us. But, you always need to be in a state of pushing.

When is it enough and time to settle

Honestly, most days are fine to settle and relax. I’m not suggesting you start the day with a 4:30 am gym session, followed by a 60-minute meditation session, then listen to an audio book on cardiology on the way to work and outwork and outsmart everyone there. This will run you into the ground for sure. But….. what small steps of challenge can you implement today? It may be something so simple as mastering sudoku, or learning a new language. And once done, think how good you’d feel?

Why does it feel so hard to start something new?

Quite simply, we are naturally wired to do what’s familiar. In evolutionary terms, if what you did yesterday was good enough to keep you here for today, then that must be right, surely. This was 100%, and still can be applicable for those in caves, mud huts and hunting for survival. But for you dear listener and reader, the game has changed. Living in a cave and hunting was uncomfortable and this is part of the reason our ancestors remained so active. They had to be. But now with Flat TV’s and fat waistlines. Depression and feelings of worthlessness on the rise and even to epidemic levels. Action needs to be taken. NOW.

The first step is the hardest, and should get harder

Another whacky title. My point is this, when something gets comfortable again, growth stops and this is a time to step things up a gear, add something new into the mix or change something completely. Comfort is the enemy, but most of our goals and values desire comfort and contentment! Comfort and contentment will come from achievement and growth. Imagine how content you feel when you have tackled a task you have been putting off. OK, not doing it has allowed you time to be content, but….. the mind isn’t. Completing, achieving, ticking off and all ways you can live on purpose and it come with discomfort. Listen up, and see what else you learn and discover during this podcast, and leave me comments or contact me on social media to discuss anything.

The post 008 – Get Uncomfortable NOW appeared first on Mike Sweet.

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This is session number 008 of the Living The Life podcast. This session is very close to my heart and is an area, I'm always pushing! But it doesn't come easily to me. I wish it did. Getting uncomfortable with something is a sign and a signal that you're about to learn, achieve or push a boundary with something. Whenever boundaries are pushed, lessons and discoveries are uncovered. This is where I want to spend my life. Pushing, trying, learning and growing.<br /> <br /> Why I'm suggesting being uncomfortable is good<br /> <br /> OK, the best place to start here is a quote. "Do what you've done and you'll get what you've got". So, what if I'm happy with what I have and have achieved? This is a great question and it leads me on to a very important life, personal, mental and physical health fact! You can only ever be in 2 states during your life, growing or dying. Listen to more of these Podcasts for more on this but, in a nutshell, we are goal seeking beings from birth, this is the time where we push the most and have an unfathomable amount of tenacity plus for most it's the time where we spend most of our days happy. This isn't because we are eating cushions, or chewing keys, it's because we are always attempting things we can't do. e.g. Growing. If you can practice challenging yourself this is a sure way to keep happy and motivated. It's the achievements we remember when we are old and tell a story. These trials and tribulation shape us. But, you always need to be in a state of pushing.<br /> <br /> When is it enough and time to settle<br /> <br /> Honestly, most days are fine to settle and relax. I'm not suggesting you start the day with a 4:30 am gym session, followed by a 60-minute meditation session, then listen to an audio book on cardiology on the way to work and outwork and outsmart everyone there. This will run you into the ground for sure. But..... what small steps of challenge can you implement today? It may be something so simple as mastering sudoku, or learning a new language. And once done, think how good you'd feel? Mike Sweet clean
008 – Perceptual Positions – From My Point of View https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/008-perceptual-positions/ Tue, 09 Feb 2016 17:53:20 +0000 http://www.mikesweet.co.uk/?p=418 https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/008-perceptual-positions/#respond https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/008-perceptual-positions/feed/ 0 <p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/008-perceptual-positions/">008 – Perceptual Positions – From My Point of View</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk">Mike Sweet</a>.</p>

NLP In Action

Welcome to NLP In Action. Useful tips and insights to NLP, along with practical applications for you to begin to integrate.

This is Episode 008 of the NLP In Action podcast. And you would understand why this is number 8 if you understood fully where I’m coming from. Metaphorically speaking! This session is on Perceptual Positions. Most of you even if you’ve never heard of this will do this in some ways most days. But…. when you add some structure and methodology it will allow you to become a more rounded, could I say balanced person. Understanding perceptual positions can allow you to be the ultimate placater and mediator.

?

What are Perceptual Positions

The great news here is they are what they sound like. A perception of another position, in this case, another person’s position, or understanding of an event, situation, or even and upcoming one for example.

What you need to know!

As with all NLP, you will find variations to an on certain techniques. But as I aim to keep these in 10-minute shows I’ll deliver and explain the most common 3 positions. I like to do this process in 2 separate rounds, but as with all NLP, you can simply mix and match until you get the desired result and or state. The first of the rounds is to allow you to obtain insights and foresight, and the second round is the same thing but now applying those initial learnings and creating new learnings to give a new understanding.

1st Position or perspective

Associated. This means to see and assess the situation through your own eyes and senses. This is a very insular process and you need to imagine as if you are there. There is a linguistic pattern in NLP and we say, “see what you’d see, feel what you’d feel, hear what you’d here and notice those feeling inside….. what are you saying to yourself”? This is a great way to get your own fully rounded perspective firstly.

2nd Position or perspective

“I wish you could walk a day in my shoes?” This is the process and step where you will Imagine what it is like to be the other person. Really begin to imagine what it’s like for them. Almost as if you are looking back at you listening to what’s been said and how you are acting, How are you coming across to them? An interesting angle and easy for the self-critical, but try to be a little neutral and just understand more, now you have the opportunity too.

3rd Position or perspective

Ever noticed when the person is standing at the sideline of a discussion they step in after a few minutes of back and forth and are usually able to get a new and different perspective on the situation. One that perhaps neither of you had thought of as a solution or desired outcome. This third position is about detachment and really allows for a bird’s eye view of the situation. From this position, you can watch body language, posture and perhaps take the view of both and combine to make a new level of understanding. Its great to consider how differently the situation would pan out if you take on board this view. The 2nd Round Repeat the above steps again! “Mike, I’ve already done them why again?” This time, you’ll notice each position feels completely different. If you think about it. It’s impossible to get the exact response as you now have a brand new set of understandings, viewpoint, and knowledge. As always practice, practice and practice some more…… It makes permanent, and it will allow you to be unconsciously competent at running this process. It very possible, with practice, that you are able to do this on the fly. Can you imagine how effective you’d be at understanding a situation or event if this were automatic?

Once you have gone through this process, repeat position 1 with that new perspective and see how differently you fell and understand that event.

When working through the perceptual positions model is good practice to set out an area to give you spatial anchors.  this simply means that while you’re in position one as you, talking about the event. You’re in a specific place within the room. As you shift position to, you will move to another desired space where the other person would be. That’s when you step into their shoes as then and act “as if”.

Repeat this again for the observer position. Where does it feel most comfortable for the observer to be noticing the situation? This is the fly on the wall or the authority figure or observer.

Some Considerations

  • Where are you starting from?  Use a SUDS scale to understand where a person is now regarding the situation.
  • Break states when switching between positions.  Breaking states can allow a person to step out of emotions and feelings attached to a certain position, this allows them to get really associated into the new position.
  • As the practitioner, guiding someone through this process. Make sure you use the correct language to keep the client or person you’re working within the appropriate position. Talk to them as if they are that person in that position.
  • As with all of NLP, make sure you’re in a position where you can calibrate the persons’ physiology. This can help guide your communication based on what they are experiencing in that moment.  be mindful of your position as do not intrude into the perceptual space that the client is working within.
  •  position one is the most important, as it’s the position of the client. The perceptual position process always starts and finishes in position one. You can future pace here and ask “notice how things have changed now you have that perception.”
  • This is the client process, so simply be there to help them understand it. It’s not for you to rationalise all make sense of it for them.
  • When working with a client, have them we grade how they feel about the experience now. Typically you will find an improvement. If no improvement. You can simply ask what needs to happen to you to feel better about this?

 

Getting perspective yourself

Like most NLP tools, you can use this perceptual position methodology on yourself. Just use the spatial anchoring to set different positions of the people to whom this relates. If you have a current issue with one of your work colleagues or bosses you could:

  • Use your own work chair to act in the first position
  • Bring in another chair or stand in a position where this person could or may have already been. It helps if you can associate that person being in that place.
  • The third position can simply be a fly on the wall, or it could be the CEO or even a friend, family member or loved one.

 

The post 008 – Perceptual Positions – From My Point of View appeared first on Mike Sweet.

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This is Episode 008 of the NLP In Action podcast. And you would understand why this is number 8 if you understood fully where I'm coming from. Metaphorically speaking! This session is on Perceptual Positions. Most of you even if you've never heard of this will do this in some ways most days. But.... when you add some structure and methodology it will allow you to become a more rounded, could I say balanced person. Understanding perceptual positions can allow you to be the ultimate placater and mediator.<br /> <br /> What are Perceptual Positions<br /> <br /> The great news here is they are what they sound like. A perception of another position, in this case, another person's position, or understanding of an event, situation, or even and upcoming one for example.<br /> <br /> What you need to know!<br /> <br /> As with all NLP, you will find variations to an on certain techniques. But as I aim to keep these in 10-minute shows I'll deliver and explain the most common 3 positions. I like to do this process in 2 separate rounds, but as with all NLP, you can simply mix and match until you get the desired result and or state. The first of the rounds is to allow you to obtain insights, and foresight, and the second round is the same thing but now applying those initial learnings and creating new learnings to give a new understanding. Round 1<br /> <br /> 1st Position or perspective<br /> <br /> Associated. This means to see and assess the situation through your own eyes and senses. This is a very insular process and you need to imagine as if you are there. There is a linguistic pattern in NLP and we say, "see what you'd see, feel what you'd feel, hear what you'd here and notice those feeling inside..... what are you saying to yourself"? This is a great way to get your own fully rounded perspective firstly.<br /> <br /> 2nd Position or perspective<br /> <br /> "I wish you could walk a day in my shoes?" This is the process and step where you will Imagine what it is like to be the other person. Really begin to imagine what its like for them. Almost as if you are looking back at you listening to whats been said and how your are acting, How are you coming across to them? An interesting angle and easy for the self-critical, but try to be a little neutral and just understand more, now you have the opportunity too.<br /> <br /> 3rd Position or perspective<br /> <br /> Ever noticed when the person is standing at the sideline of a discussion they step in after a few minutes of back and forth and are usually able to get a new and different perspective on the situation. One that perhaps neither of you had thought of as a solution or desired outcome. This third position is about detachment and really allows for a birds eye view of the situation. From this position, you can watch body language, posture and perhaps take the view of both and combine to make a new level of understanding. Its great to consider how differently the situation would pan out if you take on board this view. The 2nd Round Repeat the above steps again! "Mike I've already done them why again?" This time, you'll notice each position feels completely different. If you think about it. It's impossible to get the exact response as you now have a brand new set of understandings, viewpoint, and knowledge. As always practice, practice and practice some more...... It makes permanent, and it will allow you to be unconsciously competent at running this process. It very possible, with practice, that you are able to do this on the fly. Can you imagine how effective you'd be at understanding a situation or event if this were automatic? Mike Sweet clean 9:16
009 – Keep It Simple And Ask https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/009-keep-it-simple-and-ask/ Tue, 09 Feb 2016 17:46:04 +0000 http://www.mikesweet.co.uk/?p=413 https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/009-keep-it-simple-and-ask/#respond https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/009-keep-it-simple-and-ask/feed/ 0 <p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/009-keep-it-simple-and-ask/">009 – Keep It Simple And Ask</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk">Mike Sweet</a>.</p>

Welcome to Influence, Psychology and Persuasion

This is session number 009 of Influence Psychology and Persuasion. And I honestly don’t know why this wasn’t the very first show. I really don’t. It came to me this week while I attended some sale training and concurrently completed the book ASK by Ryan Levesque. The secret sauce in this show is………. ask and keep it simple! OK, there is a little more to this than I am making out here but, the real key here is simplicity, honesty, curiosity and asking quality questions. This needs to be your default position at all times. Forget the advanced tac-ticks and body language for now. Get very good at getting very simple.

Get smart, Get simple

People like simplicity. Simplicity allows us to run on autopilot, act and communicate on a level we are comfortable. We tend to stick to things we like, and to what feels the most comfortable to us. Simplicity just feels right. This is why I’m suggesting before you look to upskill, down skill. haha, you know what I mean? First thing is first and it’s time to go back to basics. Simplicity, honesty, and curiosity. These are the key to a curious mind, and a mindset that will naturally enquire and allow you into a person’s world, this is the place where the magic can happen.

Where is this useful and where can I apply?

As I said above, this needs to be your default position and therefore, this is an area you should spend some time in. Practice here will ensure you have mastered simplicity. A great basis to work on before you begin to layer all other techniques or principles onto it.

  • Work with colleagues
  • Home with spouse and children
  • Friends
  • On the phone

Do you get the picture? Practice and use this everywhere from now on. Practice makes permanent and this needs to become your default position for you to become naturally charismatic and influential. So what exactly do you need to do to simplify?

  1. Assume you know very little in all cases. Talking only allows you to repeat what you know, listening allows you to gain knowledge. Knowledge is power when used correctly.
  2. Apply some TED! OK in my mind TED is a large man who has a white shirt and thick black rimmed glasses. (You don’t need to remember what I think he looks like) TED likes to ask questions and he always gets people to open up and give him what he wants. An understanding of how he can help them best. TED stands for TELL, EXPLAIN, and DESCRIBE and these magical questions allow people to enter a trance-like state where they are able to bring into life what they are expressing. He also nods very slightly with his head ever so slightly tilted and These state generation type questions are so powerful and all you are doing is asking or inquiring with a sense of curiosity.says from time to time. “That’s interesting”. He’s also very good at keeping quiet, just long enough to allow for the interaction to flow.
  3. ASK again. Clarity is the most powerful persuasion and influence tool. Whether you are having a debate with a spouse or you are in the middle of a huge sale for your company. You always have to remain clear, this means……. asking for clarity. “So that I fully understand, in your mind why is it you say I should? Or How can we X….. for you? What can we do to work with you? If there was one thing missing from this that would make the whole process go well for you, what would it be?” Don’t feel like you should know if in any doubt, ask and get clear. In fact not, knowing is ……. knowing and clarity.

I already do ask, what’s new?

That! exactly that! If at any point in this you have started to ask yourself “what’s new or what’s coming next”. Then that is the very reason asking is so important. Imagine for a minute you have listened to the podcast, read the post or watched the video and you have some questions. If you and I ever had the chance to talk about this and you were to ask me about keeping it simple and asking, do you think you’d get the exact same outcome and answers from me? Of course not, I’d have new ways to describe it. If asked, “TELL me about an example of where you have used this is business”. I would have to give you an answer, and this my friend is the reason to ask, ask and ask. In influence and persuasion, you can never have enough information. Questions and curiosity are your friends.

Put this is in a business context. Perhaps you’re designing a new product or service. How are you going to know if anyone wants it? Ask. Think about this from a validation point of view. Your customer will tell you what they want. They will explain all of the issues they are having. This gives you total clarity.

The post 009 – Keep It Simple And Ask appeared first on Mike Sweet.

]]>
This is session number 009 of the Influence Psychology and Persuasion podcast. And I honestly don't know why this wasn't the very first show. I really don't. It came to me this week while I attended some sale training and concurrently completed the book ASK by Ryan Levesque. The secret sauce in this show is.......... ask and keep it simple! OK, there is a little more to this than I am making out here but, the real key here is simplicity, honesty, curiosity and asking quality questions. This needs to be your default position at all times. Forget the advanced tac-ticks and body language for now. Get very good at getting very simple.<br /> <br /> Get smart, get simple<br /> <br /> People like simplicity. Simplicity allows us to run on autopilot, act and communicate on a level we are comfortable. We tend to stick to things we like, and to what feels the most comfortable to us. Simplicity just feels right. This is why I'm suggesting before you look to upskill, down skill. haha, you know what I mean? First thing is first and it's time to go back to basics. Simplicity, honesty, and curiosity. These are the key to a curious mind, and a mindset that will naturally enquire and allow you into a person's world, this is the place where the magic can happen.<br /> <br /> Where is this useful and where can I apply?<br /> <br /> As I said above, this needs to be your default position and therefore, this is an area you should spend some time in. Practice here will ensure you have mastered simplicity. A great basis to work on before you begin to layer all other techniques or principles onto it.<br /> <br /> Work with colleagues<br /> Home with spouse and children<br /> Friends<br /> On the phone<br /> Do you get the picture? Practice and use this everywhere from now on. Practice makes permanent and this needs to become your default position for you to become naturally charismatic and influential. So what exactly do you need to do to simplify? Mike Sweet clean 10:39
007 – Your Stories Direct Your Life https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/007-your-stories-direct-your-life/ Mon, 01 Feb 2016 05:31:46 +0000 http://www.mikesweet.co.uk/?p=349 https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/007-your-stories-direct-your-life/#respond https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/007-your-stories-direct-your-life/feed/ 0 <p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/007-your-stories-direct-your-life/">007 – Your Stories Direct Your Life</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk">Mike Sweet</a>.</p>

Living The Life

Your story creates your life. I’m not on about here creating your life story, I’m really talking about the ability to create a story or reason for a part of your life that has, or maybe want to happen.

This is a life principle that I really wish was taught from a young age, as it would save people so much time and emotional damage as they go through life. Having the ability to create a solid story about a time in your life that empowers you really is the secret to allow you to keep on moving forward, without regrets and only lessons learned. Effective storytelling to yourself about an event can not only allow you to overcome something that you once felt was tragic or numbing, but when done correctly, it can be the catalyst for change and it can fuel your growth and future.

Example of story telling

Let me run through an example of how we all understand each of us has our own story about an event, and how those stories define our outcomes and our beliefs thereafter. Imagine for a moment, that four people on a high street witness an armed robbery of a jewelry store, right in front of their very eyes. All of these people with a within 10 feet of all of the action while it happened. When the police arrived at the scene and take everyone’s account of what they saw, each and every person will give a slightly different variation than the next, and it’s even possible that some people witnessed what could be described as a completely different event al together which is very interesting! More interestingly though, those same four people who witnessed the armed robbery will all tell a very different story to themselves and others about what happened, and how they felt about it.

Witness number one:  Since the event, I’ve been extremely scared of shopping in the High Street, and on extremely wary of groups of men of four or more. And I don’t think I’ll ever be able to go into a jewelry store again.

Witness number two: I was really shaken by the event, and since that time I have realised that danger is potentially on every corner, after seeing those armed men I have decided to embark on self-defence training, and since doing so I feel really powerful and I can protect my family, some could say empowered.

Witness number three: The high Street brings back a number of thoughts and emotions. But the thing that really stays with me is how effective the police were handling the situation and how calming they were soon as they arrived to the scene. Having never been in a crime like this, I had a different view of police officers, and this has absolutely transformed my view and made me feel that we do live in a caring and supporting environment, but I also understand that bad things do sometimes happen. Wrong place wrong time maybe?

Witness number four: It’s been six months now since the armed robbery, and I’m struggling to go out every single day. It doesn’t matter where I am, but if I see any man I begin to panic and think it’s all going to happen again, I’ve lost a lot of weight, and feel that these men have not only stole jewellery, but stole my life and don’t know where to turn.

Each one of the fabricated witnesses above has given a statement, and I dare say all of them you can relate to or at lease believe. The important bit though is how they can completely differ from some people gaining from a terrible event and others becoming traumatised by exactly the same event. The events don’t create lasting feelings, regrets, or belief changes. The stories we tell ourselves about those things are what have the power.

The real blessing

Thankfully, if the event doesn’t create the feelings, and the stories do, then who creates the stories? Well, you know all too well. It’s you! If you’ve had something happened to you, such as a traumatic event or experience you always have the chance to go over that event again and design a whole new story for you. Spending time on these events that may be bothering you or causing you trauma is absolutely crucial. If you just take from this that it’s not the event it’s the story we tell ourselves about the event that causes issues that least you’ve taken the first step.

How to create a better story

As I said above, it is you that it has the chance to create the story, but why do some people create a story that is helpful rather than a hindrance? Well, this all comes down to the quality and type of questions you ask yourself.

Great questions are things like:  What have I learned from this? How was this made me a better person? How can I use this to grow? How can I be grateful that this happened to me? Initially, these type of questions can cause frustration. But that’s just because you haven’t given them time yet. Start with great questions and you’ll realise that you’re able to come up the resources to answer those questions, and as soon as you do, you’ll begin to fabricate a whole new story that comes with it, a whole new set of feelings and understandings.

Rubbish questions are things like:  Why me? What would have happened if they had shot me? When will this happen again? What if this happens to my children?

You only have to read both sets of questions and realise how you feel straight after to understand the power you have to create a new outcome.

The takeaway from today is: ” the quality of questions you ask yourself defines the quality of stories you store, which allow you to feel empowered”

Listen up, and see what else you learn and discover during this podcast, and leave me comments or contact me on social media to discuss anything.

The post 007 – Your Stories Direct Your Life appeared first on Mike Sweet.

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This is session number 007 of the Living The Life podcast. Your story creates your life. I'm not on about here creating your life story, I'm really talking about the ability to create a story or reason for a part of your life that has, or maybe want to happen.<br /> <br /> This is a life principle that I really wish was taught from a young age, as it would save people so much time and emotional damage as they go through life. Having the ability to create a solid story about a time in your life that empowers you really is the secret to allow you to keep on moving forward, without regrets and only lessons learned. Effective storytelling to yourself about an event can not only allow you to overcome something that you once felt was tragic or numbing, but when done correctly, it can be the catalyst for change and it can fuel your growth and future.<br /> <br /> Example of story telling<br /> <br /> Let me run through an example of how we all understand each of us has our own story about an event, and how those stories define our outcomes and our beliefs thereafter. Imagine for a moment, that four people on a high street witness an armed robbery of a jewelry store, right in front of their very eyes. All of these people with a within 10 feet of all of the action while it happened. When the police arrived at the scene and take everyone's account of what they saw, each and every person will give a slightly different variation than the next, and it's even possible that some people witnessed what could be described as a completely different event al together which is very interesting! More interestingly though, those same four people who witnessed the armed robbery will all tell a very different story to themselves and others about what happened, and how they felt about it. Mike Sweet clean 8:52
007 – How To Use An NLP Anchor And Why https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/007-how-to-use-an-nlp-anchor-and-why/ Fri, 29 Jan 2016 15:27:39 +0000 http://www.mikesweet.co.uk/?p=389 https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/007-how-to-use-an-nlp-anchor-and-why/#respond https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/007-how-to-use-an-nlp-anchor-and-why/feed/ 0 <p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/007-how-to-use-an-nlp-anchor-and-why/">007 – How To Use An NLP Anchor And Why</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk">Mike Sweet</a>.</p>

NLP In Action

Welcome to NLP In Action. NLP insights and practical tips to help you discover what NLP has for you.

This is Episode 007 of the NLP In Action podcast. This episode is all about NLP Anchoring, What it is, how to use it and the benefits of its application. Discover how to use an NLP anchor.

What is anchoring?

The most straightforward explanation for anchoring is to create a bookmark that is easy to return to in a person’s psychology and experience. Anchoring, as the name suggests puts a lock into a particular position which allows a person to go back to that same point/experience and more importantly state.

Typically, anchoring is used to allow a person to go back to a desired state or experience efficiently. However, so much of what we do and what we experience is attached to anchors, some positively and others not so. Understanding anchoring is extremely important as so much of our day-to-day lives can be dictated by negatively associated anchors. In a nutshell, understanding anchors, how to create them, how to break them (also called collapsing anchors) is an extremely useful personal development strategy.

An example of anchoring

Perhaps the most popular occurrence of anchoring which dates back to the 1800s was that of Russian scientist Ivan Pavlov. Ivan did some research where he was able to get dogs to associate eating with the ringing of a bell. During this experiment, he would ring a bell and then feed the dogs. He did this many times to set the anchor. So it is indeed a case of association. Then, the twist in the experiment was when Ivan rang the bell, before feeding the dogs, the dogs would begin to salivate as they knew the response to follow.

Next, and perhaps something a little easier to absorb. Think for a moment how certain songs can take you back to a place or experience, some people can access old states and emotions by certain smells. Smells of an Ex’s perfume/aftershave is a sure fire way to get anyone in trouble. “Ummm…. That smell reminds me of ………….. !” Err.. I’ve lost it now. lol.

Music and songs can take you back to a place or experience; some people can access old states and emotions by individual songs, smells etc. Even something so simple like the smell of bread or certain cooking smells can take people back 20 or 30 years to a specific time in their life when this state was anchored to that particular smell or taste. Anchors are being created and collapsed all of the time, but when we create anchors specifically to have a desirable effect, this is when the magic happens. Anchors give us the rapid access to certain desirable and repeatable states. Smells, touch, sounds, locations are all enablers of how to use an NLP anchor.

Strategies, anchors and creation

Creating an anchor and a strategy for a new desirable habit or state can be extremely beneficial. Think of the people who would really love to get up early in the morning, as soon as their alarm goes off. We all know that this the very best way to start the day

But when that “morning mind” kicks in and begins “selling” you excuses of why those five minutes extra are so significant. Then the internal conflict can sometimes be too much, and the old strategy of snoozing seven times was then charging round in the morning can become a habit tough to break, and incredibly frustrating.

So the desirable outcome, in this case, is to be able to get straight out of bed, as soon as the alarm goes off. Can you imagine how amazing this would be if it were you? Here are the stages below of how I would set that anchor.

  • Pick your favourite alarm tone on your phone or alarm clock! (It might as well be your favourite, you’ll hear it every morning, once!)
  • Set your alarm for 15 minutes time, and lie down in bed relaxing with your eyes closed, just as you would if you were asleep.
  • Beep, Beep, Beep!  Turn straight around, put your feet on the floor stand up and stretch.
  • Now repeat this process, three, four or more times. The real art is to do the get-up action as soon as you hear the alarm.

Also, add in that you only turn the alarm off once you’ve done your stretch while standing for three seconds.
This conditioned response will become far more comfortable to follow when it comes to the first morning using this anchor.

This is merely an auditory anchor that will have profound benefits on your life and productivity.

As discussed in one of my podcasts, called why we like what’s familiar we are hardwired to follow actions far more simply that we have practised before. Or, put it another way, once we have anchored a particular state, action and strategy we are far more likely to follow this procedure without consciously thinking. And we all know that practice makes…………… permanent! Well, at least permanent until re-practised another way.

More examples

NLP anchoring steps laid out

  1. Create a strong state using state elicitation – for instance by remembering a time when you were very much in that state.
  2. Recall, repeat or act out what you saw, heard and felt in the situation.
  3. Get associated. This means as if your looking out of your eyes.
  4. Create an anchor. This can be a word you say, an action you take, simple act of squeezing your finger and thumb together is a very common first anchor trigger for people.
  5. Break state is a way for you to find a neutral state. For example, what did you have for breakfast on Wednesday? This is a great question to break someone state.
  6. Repeat, and practice. Practice makes permanent remember.
  7. Once practised and repeated for several times, fire the anchor and see if you’re able to get the desired state or action. If not go back to step six in practice some more.
  8. Use the anchor any time you want to experience that desired state, or action.

    Successful anchoring tips

High intensity of the state you want to anchor. e.g. Jump out of bed with passion.
Only fire the anchor in the peak of the state to set.
Repeat until permanent.
Anchors can fade so keep up the good work.

The post 007 – How To Use An NLP Anchor And Why appeared first on Mike Sweet.

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This is Episode 007 of the NLP In Action podcast. This episode is all about NLP Anchoring, What it is, how to use it and the benefits of its application.<br /> What is anchoring?<br /> <br /> The most simple explanation for anchoring is to create a bookmark that is easy to return to in a person's psychology and experience. Anchoring it, as the name suggests puts a lock into a certain position which allows a person to go back to that exact same point/experience and more importantly state. Typically, anchoring is used to allow a person to effectively go back to a desired state or experience. However, so much of what we do and what we experience is attached to anchors, some positively and others not so. Understanding anchoring is extremely important as so much of our day-to-day lives can be dictated by negatively associated anchors. In a nutshell, understanding anchors, how to create them, how to break them (also called collapsing anchors) is an extremely effective personal development strategy.<br /> An example of anchoring<br /> <br /> Perhaps the most popular occurrence of anchoring which dates back to the 1800s was that of Russian scientist Ivan Pavlov. Ivan did some research where he was able to get dogs to associate eating with the ringing of a bell. During this experiment, he would ring a bell and then feed the dogs. He did this a number of times to set the anchor. So it is really a case of association. Then, the twist in the experiment was when Ivan rang the bell, before feeding the dogs, the dogs would begin to salivate as they knew the response to follow. Next, and perhaps something a little easier to absorb. Think for moment how certain songs can take you back to a place or experience, some people are able to access old states and emotions by certain smells. Smells of an Ex's perfume/aftershave is a sure fire way to get anyone in trouble. "Ummm.... That smell reminds me of .............. !" Err.. I've lost it now. lol.<br /> <br /> Music and songs can take you back to a place or experience, some people are able to access old states and emotions by certain songs, smells etc. Even someting so simple like the smell of bread or certain cooking can take people back 20 or 30 years to a specific time in their life when this state was anchored to that specific smell or taste. Anchors are being created and collapsed all of the time, but when we create anchors specifically to have a desirable effect, this is when the magic happens. Anchors give us the rapid access to certain desirable states.<br /> Strategies, anchors and creation Mike Sweet clean
008 – Agree Even When You Don’t https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/008-agree-even-when-you-dont/ Fri, 29 Jan 2016 15:17:19 +0000 http://www.mikesweet.co.uk/?p=391 https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/008-agree-even-when-you-dont/#respond https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/008-agree-even-when-you-dont/feed/ 0 <p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/008-agree-even-when-you-dont/">008 – Agree Even When You Don’t</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk">Mike Sweet</a>.</p>

Welcome to Influence, Psychology and Persuasion

This is session number 008 of Influence Psychology and Persuasion. And in typical “Mike fashion” I’ve given you a strange title that seems oxymoronic. Agree even when you don’t! Really.

Why I suggest you always agree! Initially.

Okay, I have given a bit more away now that I’ve added the “initially” part at the end of the title. But bear with me here because there are some very important factors to consider. And why I have made this statement about an agreement. Agreeing with a person first and foremost allows for rapport to be built and for the interaction to continue to flow. And in any interaction, we are always looking for a good level of rapport and to ensure that we feel comfortable enough at the conversation stays in flow and moves along nicely in the direction we choose to enable the right outcome for us. Agreement is the very best way to do this! Agreed? lol

Examples of agreement

You are selling gas and electricity for a small not very known distribution company. You do have very competitive rates and the switch over to existing large supplier over to you, can be seamless and will involve very little of a persons time.

But, right at the end of the interaction before the person is about to sign their new agreement, they say that they have some concerns. That may go something like this.  “As you are only a small company, how do I know you will stay in business, and be able to provide me with the service I want, I feel a little uneasy”.  The untrained person here would try to explain to that person that they needn’t feel uneasy and they would try to reassure in any way that they could, simply saying that they’re not that small and they do have 3% of the entire market. In basic terms, they would attempt to sell a person. This is a great example of not agreeing, trying to dissuade a person’s opinion by telling.

Having the ability to create an agreement though allows a person to feel as if you understand their situation, and also lets them know that it’s fine for them to feel that way, as others have to. In this case, you’d use something called the feel, felt, found method, and it goes a little something like this. ” Well Mrs Jackson I completely understand how you feel about switching to a smaller company for your gas and electricity services, even though we are cheaper than your current supplier, in fact, every day I hear similar thoughts and concerns from people like you who felt the same way, however, once the switch has happened almost seamlessly, those people found that they were pleased that they trusted in smaller company to provide them with the similar great service, at a much-reduced cost. This agreement twists the angle and makes a disagreement, agreeable. Think, how you can agree even when you don’t.

A sales example of agreement

“I have just received your quotation for the replacement bathroom suite and it all looks good, but you are quite expensive. Actually, you’re far more expensive than the other 2 quotes.” Let’s use Mrs Jackson again. “Well Mrs Jackson I do hear that we are expensive most weeks, and you’re absolutely right, we aren’t cheap. We do offer a full turnkey service and after 10 years in business and being recommended by all of our clients, people come to us only when they decide that they want the absolute best possible workmanship available.” This again started with an agreement. When you have an agreement with a person it lets them know you’re on the same page, and people hate being wrong or entering into any level of disagreement. Another word for disagreement. Conflict!

What else can be learned by agreeing?

Another example. You may be out for a few drinks with some friends and somebody claims that the moon is made out of blue cheese! okay, stay with me on this one, as you know it’s extremely difficult to agree with a slightly inebriated person suggesting that the shining white rock in the sky is actually stilton! However, there is something very important in this. You only know what you know. Put another way, there is a chance here for you to learn something by agreeing. You may simply learn that what you know is correct, however, it is possible that you do find out that you were wrong and there is something to be learnt.

So when Jeff at the pub claims that the moon is made of blue cheese, rather than dismissing, and disagreeing immediately. (And in this instance I wouldn’t blame you if you did). Simply ask, “how do you know this Jeff?” you may find that Jeff gives you some elaborate explanation which leads you to question your own beliefs and initial knowledge. Perhaps you don’t agree totally with Jeff’s answer and that the moon may be made out of blue cheese, but there may be something to be learnt. And knowledge is power after all.

Why it’s not worth disagreeing – Initially

Ultimately, the first reason why it’s not worth disagreeing should be the only reason that you need, to avoid conflict. It brings a very little to the table. Asking questions about a person’s beliefs or opinions that you don’t agree with may unlock a similarity that you can find common ground on. This then gives you the upper hand to take control, whilst having the agreement and the understanding with the person/s that you are working with shows them that you are trying to see things from their point of view. This is ultimately influence and persuasion at its very best.

By asking a person questions about their beliefs you’re able to repeat back and say something like “so it’s a bit like X ?” and turn the X into a metaphor to allow you to find common ground. Not disagreeing and leaving it open allows the metaphorical ball to remain in play. You know the saying, “with hindsight I would have…..”. Avoiding a flat-out disagreement allows you to have the foresight and to perhaps re-engage at a later date, once you’ve given it a bit more thought. Disagreement, on the other hand, shuts down all interactions and creates a level of conflict.

An agreement frame is an NLP term and this is covered extensively in the NLP Practitioner Training

The post 008 – Agree Even When You Don’t appeared first on Mike Sweet.

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This is session number 008 of the Influence Psychology and Persuasion podcast. And in typical "Mike fashion" I've given you a strange title that seems oxymoronic. Agree, even when you don't! Really.<br /> Why I suggest you always agree! Initially.<br /> <br /> Okay, I have given a bit more away now that I've added the "initially" part at the end of the title. But bear with me here because there are some very important factors to consider and why I have made this statement about agreement. Agreeing with a person first and foremost allows for rapport to be built and for the interaction to flow. And in any interaction, we are always looking for a good level of rapport and to ensure that we feel comfortable enough at the conversation stays in flow and moves along nicely in the direction we choose to enable the right outcome for us. Agreement is the very best way to do this! Agreed? lol<br /> Examples of agreement<br /> <br /> You are selling gas and electricity for a small not very known distribution company. You do have very competitive rates and the switch over between existing large supplier over to you, can be seamless and will involve very little of a persons time. But, right at the end of the interaction before the person is about to sign their new agreement, they say that they have some concerns. That may go something like this. "As you are only a small company, how do I know you will stay in business, and be able to provide me with the service I want, I feel a little uneasy". The untrained person here would try to explain to that person that they needn't feel uneasy and they would try to reassure in any way that they could, simply saying that they're not that small and they do have 3% of the entire market. In basic terms they would attempt to sell a person. This is a great example of not agreeing, trying to dissuade a person's opinion by telling. Having the ability to create an agreement though allows a person to feel as if you understand their situation, and also lets them know that it's fine for them to feel that way, as others have to. In this case, you'd use something called the feel, felt, found method, and it goes a little something like this. " Well Mrs Jackson I completely understand how you feel about switching to a smaller company for your gas and electricity services, even though we are cheaper than your current supplier, in fact, every day I hear similar thoughts and concerns from people like you who felt the same way, however, once the switch has happened almost seamlessly, those people found that they were pleased that they trusted in smaller company to provide them with the similar great service, at a much reduced cost. This agreement twists the angle and makes a disagreement, agreeable.<br /> A sales example of agreement<br /> <br /> "I have just received your quotation for the replacement bathroom suite and it all looks good, but you are quite expensive. Actually, you're far more expensive than the other 2 quotes." Let's use Mrs Jackson again. "Well Mrs Jackson I do hear that we are expensive most weeks, and you're absolutely right, we aren't cheap. We do offer a full turnkey service and after 10 years in business and being recommended by all of our clients, people come to us only when they decide that they want the absolute best possible workmanship available." This, again started with an agreement. When you have an agreement with a person it lets them know you're on the same page, and people hate being wrong or entering into any level of disagreemnt. Another word for disagrement. Conflict!<br /> What else can be learned by agreeing?<br /> <br /> Another example. You may be out for a few drinks with some friends and somebody claims that the moon is made out of blue cheese! okay, stay with me on this one, as you know it's extremely difficult to agree with a slightly inebriated person suggesting that the shining white rock in the sky is actually stilton! However, Mike Sweet clean
006 – Matching and Mirroring https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/006-matching-and-mirroring/ Fri, 22 Jan 2016 16:40:16 +0000 http://www.mikesweet.co.uk/?p=347 https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/006-matching-and-mirroring/#respond https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/006-matching-and-mirroring/feed/ 0 <p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/006-matching-and-mirroring/">006 – Matching and Mirroring</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk">Mike Sweet</a>.</p>

NLP In Action

Welcome to NLP In Action. NLP insights and practical tips to help you discover what NLP has for you.

This is Episode 006 of the NLP In Action podcast. This episode is all about matching and mirroring. Perhaps one of the most misunderstood and misused of all of the NLP tool-box.

What some believe and shouldn’t

If you match and mirror an individual’s physiology, pitch, pace and volume and more during an interaction you’ll be able to create a rapid and stable rapport with them. There is a very fine line with matching and mirroring, and it’s not copying and mimicking. There is nothing worse than that.

Where did the matching and mirroring idea come from?

Simple! You can observe this correctly at work with people who are comfortable with each other. They will sit the same, breathe at the same pace, speak at similar volumes and gesture similarly. It’s very simple to see how this was discovered, and again how easy it would be to deduce that copying those patterns could, and would produce rapid cases of rapport. You need to understand that these behaviours were happening on an unconscious level. Therefore when the unskilled practitioner attempts to match and mirror it can happen on a very conscious level and could come across incredibly awkward, and worst of all the person may realise that you’re mimicking them which is not going to help report at all.

What’s the best place to start?

As I mentioned above, trying to matching and mirror on a conscious level can come across very clunky and reduce the levels of rapport that you can create. This is because so much of your attention is simply spent on matching mirroring that you’re not actually engaging in the correct manner. Therefore I would suggest initially you practice matching and mirroring just by the volume of your voice and also the level of expression of your voice.

As an example, if the person you’re speaking to is very expressive with their language and speaks quite rapidly and loudly, they just focus on matching that in your own way but using those traits. We all know that practice makes………. permanent! Those things that you practice consciously will soon become an unconscious response that you can rely upon. Next time you speak to someone who is quietly spoken, perhaps introverted with minimal body language movement, begin to practice and match that. Before too long you will find that your unconscious takes over and that you become a natural at mirroring a persons volume, expression, and pace. Then it’s a good time to start noticing more body language subtleties, and you can begin to include those within your arsenal to become an effective communicator.

What types of things can be matched and mirrored?

Speech patterns
Body language
Vocabulary style and specific choices of words
Facial expressions
Breathing
Eye movement
Pace, tempo, pitch, tone, volume (these are the ones that I think are the easiest to start with)
Another subtle introduction into matching mirroring to ensure that you don’t end up mimicking and copying is to use something called crossover matching. If the person you are interacting with is blinking rapidly, then you can tap your finger to the same rate that they are, this rhythm we picked up an unconscious level and a subtle as it may seem can enhance rapport in connection. Head nodding  is another very useful non-verbal timing device that you can use to cross over Mirror someone else’s actions and timing.

Mismatching and when to use it

As much as we all know that having the rapport and a great line of communication can be extremely important, I also explained how when a person is in rapport and feels like to have a connection; it’s possible for them to continue communicating. And at times, we know that there are benefits in stopping a person in their tracks to maybe allow others to join in, or to get your point in without physically asking them to stop. This can be done by mismatching.

Mismatching needs to be done very carefully as it can provoke a response by the person as it can come across extremely rude. However, if used efficiently then mismatching will allow you to break persons line of thought and perhaps let a line of communication to come in. To allow you to move the conversation somewhere different.

Mis-matching could be something like turning your body away from them slightly or breaking eye contact. Subtlety is the key here and remember; it’s just another string to your bow. And also remember if you want to carry on with good levels of rapport and to be on occasion be careful not to accidentally mismatch. Looking your watch during interaction is an extremely useful mismatch. Be careful!

 

The post 006 – Matching and Mirroring appeared first on Mike Sweet.

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This is Episode 006 of the NLP In Action podcast. This episode is all about matching and mirroring. Perhaps one of the most misunderstood and misused of all of the NLP tool-box.<br /> <br /> What some believe and shouldn't<br /> <br /> If you match and mirror an individual's physiology pitch, pace and volume and more during an interaction you'll be able to create a rapid and solid rapport with them. There is a very fine line with matching and mirroring and it's not copying and mimicking. There is nothing worse than that.<br /> <br /> Where did the matching and mirroring idea come from?<br /> <br /> Simple! You can observe this perfectly at work with people who are comfortable with each other. They will sit the same, breathe at the same pace, speak at similar volumes and gesture in a similar way. is very simple to see how this was discovered, and again how easy it would be to deduce that copying those patterns could, and would produce rapid cases of rapport. However, the thing that needs to be understood about this, is that these behaviours were happening on an unconscious level, therefore when the unskilled practitioner attempts to match and mirror it can happen on a very conscious level and could come across extremely awkward, and worst of all the person may realise that you're actually mimicking them which is not going to help report at all. Mike Sweet clean 9:54
007 – Why We Like What’s Familiar https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/007-why-we-like-whats-familiar/ Fri, 22 Jan 2016 16:15:32 +0000 http://www.mikesweet.co.uk/?p=344 https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/007-why-we-like-whats-familiar/#respond https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/007-why-we-like-whats-familiar/feed/ 0 <p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/007-why-we-like-whats-familiar/">007 – Why We Like What’s Familiar</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk">Mike Sweet</a>.</p>

Welcome to Influence, Psychology and Persuasion

This is session number 007 of Influence Psychology and Persuasion. In this episode, I’ll be explaining why we like what’s familiar, and how it affects our interactions and decisions. First and foremost, and more obviously, we, as a species like what’s familiar. From an evolutionary angle, if what you did yesterday was good enough to keep you here, alive and well today, then repeating that makes so much sense. But….. how can this psychological principle be used to your advantage, and what do you need to be aware of to prevent falling into the trap of following pre-programmed responses.

https://youtu.be/n3cGmed_QpM?rel=0

Familiarity and similarity go hand-in-hand. You’ve heard the saying, “birds of a feather flock together”. And the reason why this is known so well is that in so many cases it’s absolutely true. We like people who are like us. This recognition of being similar confirms to us that we are on the right path and that our way, our beliefs, and how personality traits are exactly where they need to be, which is why we like other people just like us. This acts as a confirmation bias.

How can I use this to my advantage?

Small-talk is a great way that people search for similarities. You’ll hear people talking about sporting events, seasonal events and even the weather in the quest trying to find some common ground. In the business world, you’ll often find those well-trained salespeople looking for personal connections that tie business and family together. e.g. “I noticed you have an office in Hong Kong, my wife’s family is from Hong Kong, what a great place”. Having the ability to tie together a similarity allows for a rapid bond to form which from a business perspective makes the interaction far slicker and more likely to end in a successful business transaction. On a one-to-one basis, people are constantly looking for similarities when they are dating and so they should remember we like people who are like us. So many people can get this wrong while they are looking for “the one” as it’s possible to simply blurt about everything about you, without giving too much notice or interest to where the conversation is going and trying to match up those commonalities.

What if commonalities are difficult to come by?

If you’re struggling to find common ground, and perhaps where a strong relationship is paramount, you can simply resort to showing interest. Just because you don’t have a direct sameness in an area, you showing an interest in a particular area, at least demonstrates that there is a familiarity to some degree. This has another effect too, people love to talk, and more importantly, those people love others that listen and show interest, again this confirms their attitude, beliefs and interests. Another confirmation bias.

What to look out for

Now I am no cynic, but it’s best to be aware of people actively searching for similarities and familiarity during a first interaction. Salespeople, conmen, and others looking to bypass your better judgement will all use the similarity principle to allow them to rapidly and effectively build a level of trust. We can’t help it either, we like what’s familiar and will be persuaded. However, now you have listened to this or read this post, you should be completely aware that this principle exists, that some people use it to their advantage, and the others who know very little about it, blunder their way through life during interactions, wishing for common ground.

Adjusting your body language

It is said, that the largest proportion of our communication is funnily enough, non-verbal. This means your overall body language and demeanour conveys your message far more than the actual words, pitch, pace, and tonality that you use. Therefore, being aware of your body and its positioning is probably the most effective way to create early similarities with another person. It is actually called matching and mirroring. However, there is an extremely important caveat here. It is not copying and mimicking. Very subtle matching mirroring of a person’s body language will allow you to connect with them very rapidly. If a person is very slightly slouched and looking pleasant but a little shy, your best possible approach is to match that in your own way. To give you an example of what not to do is to boldly stroll over, chest out, head up, throwing out a very strong arm for a handshake. I’ll cover this more in the NLP podcast NLP in Action which you can listen to purely on matching and mirroring.

Create better relationships and rapport by being interested and finding common ground.

For more on why we like what’s familiar check out a post about commitment and consistency and cognitive dissonance.

The post 007 – Why We Like What’s Familiar appeared first on Mike Sweet.

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This is session number 007 of the Influence Psychology and Persuasion podcast. In this episode, I'll be explaining all about familiarity and how it affects our interactions and decisions. First and foremost, and more obviously, we, as a species like what's familiar. From an evolutionary angle, if what you did yesterday was good enough to keep you here, alive and well today, then repeating that makes so much sense. But..... how can this psychological principle be used to your advantage, and what do you need to be aware of to prevent falling into the trap of following a pre-programmed responses.<br /> <br /> Familiarity and similarity go hand-in-hand. You've heard the saying, “birds of a feather flock together". And the reason why this is known so well, is because in so many cases it's absolutely true. We like people who are like us. This recognition of being similar confirms to us that we are on the right path and that our way, our beliefs, and how personality traits are exactly where they need to be, which is why there are other people just like us. This acts as a confirmation bias. Mike Sweet clean 9:11
006 – Understanding Hypnosis https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/006-understanding-hypnosis/ Fri, 15 Jan 2016 16:23:26 +0000 http://www.mikesweet.co.uk/?p=341 https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/006-understanding-hypnosis/#respond https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/006-understanding-hypnosis/feed/ 0 <p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/006-understanding-hypnosis/">006 – Understanding Hypnosis</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk">Mike Sweet</a>.</p>

Welcome to Influence, Psychology and Persuasion

This is session number 006 of Influence Psychology and Persuasion. This podcast is all about understanding hypnosis. What it is, how it’s induced, and why it seems so effective at producing rapid amazing change.

https://youtu.be/8_qDShrGfwA?rel=0

First I need to start off by saying, hypnosis is absolutely a “real thing”, and you should not view this in terms of magic, or things like sorcery. You’d be surprised how many people seem to classify hypnosis is something not of this world, or simply made up.

So let’s start with what is hypnosis?
This can be defined in so many ways but let’s drag a little excerpt from Wikipedia as they have a nice neat, and concise description, here is what It is said here.

Hypnosis is a state of human consciousness involving focused attention and reduced peripheral awareness and an enhanced capacity for response to suggestion.

To give you an example of what hypnosis is, and something that is commonly taught throughout hypnotherapy training practices around the world. Hypnosis is a state of trance. The most common example of day to day trance is while you are driving, think for a moment, perhaps you’re on a route that you know all too well, you may have the radio on in the background and you’re thinking about what the day has to offer, and things that you may have to do. When you get to where you’re going, more often than not you won’t remember the route you took, what cars were in front of you, what happened at the roundabout. Many people actually say they don’t remember any of the journeys. Then the strange addition! While you are driving, without seemingly paying any attention to the journey, the radio was on in the background. If you are asked what was playing, you probably wouldn’t remember. However! You will most likely be singing that, or humming it throughout the day without giving it a second thought.

So…. go back to while you were driving, It seems, that the music was implanted within your brain and then begins to play during the day without any conscious effort. This leads me quite nicely to how does hypnosis work?  As demonstrated above, while you are distracted, or in a state of trance. And this could come in many guises such as, confusion, relaxation, monotony, overload etc the things that are happening externally of your conscious awareness enter your subconscious mind. Hypnosis isn’t as scarce as you may have thought, in fact, you will be in states of hypnosis regularly. Many times a day. TV is a great form of hypnosis…. part of the reason adverts can be so effective.

A great analogy that I once heard regarding how hypnotherapy works were very similar to how a nightclub operates. Imagine for a moment that a nightclub is your brain, it’s where all the action is happening, lots of things are going on at any one time, and it’s a fun place to be and things are happening all of the time and people are just going with the flow. This is your subconscious mind. The conscious mind, which is the sensible part, also called the critical faculty would be the bouncers on the front door. The bouncers are there to make sure only the right type of people enter the nightclub. These minders of the subconscious part of your brain, have the job of controlling what goes in and what happens within. The job of a hypnotist or hypnotherapist is to put in a suggestion into the subconscious mind without the interruption of the critical faculty. Or, the bouncers.

If the hypnotist, or hypnotherapist or even the person trying to implant the suggestion has a face-to-face discussion with the bouncers about why they should be allowed in. There is a massive chance that this new suggestion will be rejected because the guardians of the subconscious feeling that it is not suitable for some reason. It’s now the hypnotist job to get past these bouncers. So, as we learnt above how do we get past the conscious critical faculty and create hypnosis?

Hypnosis or trance can be produced by, relaxation, boredom, shock, overload, compliance and misdirection. It is the hypnotist job to try whatever is the most suitable to get past the persons’ critical faculty to ensure that the positive suggestion is allowed into the subconscious mind. And just like the music within the background, that you didn’t consciously hear, once in, the positive suggestion will/can begin to play, or act out to deliver the results that are desired.

The post 006 – Understanding Hypnosis appeared first on Mike Sweet.

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This is session number 006 of the Influence Psychology and Persuasion podcast. This podcast is all about understanding hypnosis. What it is, how it's induced, and why it seems so effective at producing rapid amazing change.<br /> <br /> First I need to start off by saying, hypnosis is absolutely a "real thing", and you should not view this in terms of magic, or things like sorcery. You'd be surprised how many people seem to classify hypnosis is something not of this world, or simply made up.<br /> <br /> So let's start with what is hypnosis?<br /> This can be defined in so many ways but let's drag a little excerpts from Wikipedia as they have a nice neat, and concise description, here is what It is said here.<br /> <br /> "Hypnosis is a state of human consciousness involving focused attention and reduced peripheral awareness and an enhanced capacity for response to suggestion.<br /> <br /> To give you an example of what hypnosis is, and something that is commonly taught throughout hypnotherapy training practices around the world. Hypnosis is a state of trance. The most common example of day to day trance is while you are driving, think for a moment, perhaps you're on a route that you know all too well, you may have the radio on in the background and you're thinking about what the day has to offer, and things that you may have to do. When you get to where you're going, more often than not you won't remember the route you took, what cars were in front of you, what happened at the roundabout. so many people actually say they don't remember any of the journey. then the strange addition! While you are driving, without seemingly paying any attention to the journey, the radio was on in the background. If you are asked what was playing, you prog you wouldn't remember. However! You will most likely be singing that, or humming it throughout the day without giving it a second thought. Mike Sweet clean 9:21
006 – The Adult And Child Inside Our Minds https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/006-the-adult-and-child-inside-our-minds/ Fri, 15 Jan 2016 15:11:27 +0000 http://www.mikesweet.co.uk/?p=336 https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/006-the-adult-and-child-inside-our-minds/#respond https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/006-the-adult-and-child-inside-our-minds/feed/ 0 <p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/006-the-adult-and-child-inside-our-minds/">006 – The Adult And Child Inside Our Minds</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk">Mike Sweet</a>.</p>

Living The Life

In this show, I’ll be explaining 2 fundamental brain patterns to allow you to achieve more of what you want and to reduce those internal conflicts and frustrations.

Now, as with most of my shows, this information comes from years as a coach and therapist. My time has lead me to see some really clear patterns and because of my curious nature I have then done the research to back up my own finding and then I have been on a quest to simplify the processes to allow this information to the masses without the techno-babble.

The brain process you need to understand is the “adult and child split”. I like to think of it like this. Our physical brain and central nervous systems is the child which likes to follow commands and clear instructions. It’s also the imaginative part. If you ask what kind of blue is the sky it will come up with something creative, quite like a child would.

The adult part of our thinking is the bit no-one can locate. This has been called the soul, the commander, the part of you that’s actually reading this and asking questions along the way. You could say it’s the intelligent part of you. The adult part is the chief and has the ability to offer instructions to the “child part” to physically function and define our reality. In essence, if you want to move your arm you will have a little internal chat and then send the command to the child part to follow, and hey-presto you move your arm. Basic stuff really and I bet you’re thinking why is this relevant, and what is there you can learn that’s constructive?

Well the sending of the command is a normal part and is something you will carry on doing, but you also need to understand that the adult and the child have a different language. Or we could say, the child doesn’t understand some types of commands.

If you tell a child not to push the big red button, what are they compelled to do? If you say to a child don’t cross the road, why do they seem to do exactly what you tell them not to do. OK, I’ll let you into it, but while I tell you all about his part and how it works, don’t pay any attention to your feet right now. This is important, and also don’t notice which hand feels the warmest while I explain this in detail. Well, what just happened. You did what I asked you not to do. Simply put, you can’t do a don’t. but you can do-a-do! Sounds a bit like a dance, do-a-do!

The issue is not the child inside, being blatantly difficult, it’s the type of commands that is the problem. The internal child is goals-driven, it wants and can only understand what to do, what to focus on, and what to feel. Therefore, if you don’t want to feel frustrated, more often than not you’ll feel even more frustrated by not wanting to. The child is looking for a clear direction and command to follow. Wanting to feel calm and in control allows your inner child to be creative and find a resource to make that happen for you, which, in turns reduces the feelings of frustration. Not wanting to feel stressed will only give you more stress and internal questions.

It’s important to know this, as you are closer to the adult part than the child. You have the ability to add into your life what you want, but your inner child, has to deliver the goods.

Therefore, next time you’re looking to achieve something, whether it’s something as simple as waking up at 6 AM and getting straight out of bed, give yourself that exact command. A command such as don’t lie-in tomorrow morning will more than likely be interpreted by your inner child as lie-in tomorrow morning.  And then the big problem with all of that, is that not only do you feel like a failure but, you also really question why you are unable to stick to your original plans.

It can make you wonder at times, who is actually pulling the strings! Thankfully the answer is you, but perhaps you been talking in the wrong language!

Listen up, and see what else you learn and discover during this podcast, and leave me comments or contact me on social media to discuss anything.

The post 006 – The Adult And Child Inside Our Minds appeared first on Mike Sweet.

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This is session number 006 of the Living The Life podcast. In this show, I'll be explaining 2 fundamental brain patterns to allow you to achieve more of what you want and to reduce those internal conflicts and frustrations.<br /> <br /> Now, as with most of my shows, this information comes from years as a coach and therapist. My time has lead me to see some really clear patterns and because of my curious nature I have then done the research to back up my own finding and then I have been on a quest to simplify the processes to allow this information to the masses without the techno-babble.<br /> <br /> The brain process you need to understand is the "adult and child split". I like to think of it like this. Our physical brain and central nervous systems is the child which likes to follow commands and clear instructions. It's also the imaginative part. If you ask what kind of blue is the sky it will come up with something creative, quite like a child would. Mike Sweet clean 9:26
005 – 4 Tips To Prevent Conflicts To Create The Perfect Relationship https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/005-4-tips-to-prevent-conflicts-to-create-the-perfect-relationship/ Thu, 07 Jan 2016 19:18:27 +0000 http://www.mikesweet.co.uk/?p=318 https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/005-4-tips-to-prevent-conflicts-to-create-the-perfect-relationship/#respond https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/005-4-tips-to-prevent-conflicts-to-create-the-perfect-relationship/feed/ 0 <p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/005-4-tips-to-prevent-conflicts-to-create-the-perfect-relationship/">005 – 4 Tips To Prevent Conflicts To Create The Perfect Relationship</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk">Mike Sweet</a>.</p>

Living The Life

In this session, I’ll be explaining a very simple but completely overlook mindset tips that will allow you to have the upper hand and prevent unnecessary conflicts with Loved ones in the quest for the no longer common long lasting relationship and marriage.

Acceptance
Whenever I have couple sat in with me to talk about their relationships and their relationship issues, more often than not the person begins to describe to me how their life-long partner squeezes the toothpaste from the middle rather than from the end, or other little petty niggles like never re-sealing packets the way that they would do. It seems in so many cases that the real small things begin to mount up in relationships and when they do, they seem insurmountable and begin to make an impact, pulling people apart. The most interesting thing though, is that these niggles, and the small annoyances that all of us have, become the thigs we most miss about people should we ever loose then for some reason! Think about that for a moment, the relationships that come to an end through death or breakup. You hear people talk about their other half’s little quirks and how that they miss them so much, and how cute they are and how they use to individualise them, which is one of the reasons that made them so special.  Accept without exception.

Ask, Don’t Guess
Guessing, is possibly the biggest reason that couples fall out for no apparent reason. Let me explain this a little bit more. Imagine for a moment you walk in from a real tough day at work, your boss has been an arse, and nothing seems to have gone to plan. You’re driving home feeling frustrated and annoyed knowing that you do not want to bring this through the front door and on to your partner, you decide you can go straight in get changed and go downstairs forgetting about the worries to the day to simply enjoy the night. but as luck would have it, things aren’t going to go to plan here either. You get in, determined not to let this ruin your night, you drop your bits at the door march upstairs, you wash your face and put some comfies on  and go downstairs, but you’re met with a miserable looking face. You immediately start thinking, I don’t know why bother, they are in a mood with me for some silly reason, and after the day I’ve had I can’t be bothered to go into it now. Your face is now like thunder as is theirs, you sit down to watch some rubbish on TV and very little is said apart from the odd sneer or snigger. You go to bed like this, wake up the following morning stomping around the house, you both still playing the silent treatment because the other started it. Sound familier? However, something very important happened here which should and from now on will be avoided. When you walked through the door with good intentions and not to bring your problems home, little do you know your partner was about to step through into the hallway to give you a kiss and welcome you home, but all they saw was the back of you marching up the stairs. While you are getting ready looking forward to coming downstairs and spending the evening, they were in the kitchen getting frustrated that you had blanked them after they have been so looking forward to you coming home. So you then come downstairs to begin your evening to the most miserable face you’d ever seen, and again you make the fatal mistake, of guessing rather than asking. Firstly assume there’s nothing wrong, but also ask an offer on ear if they need it. if you’re quick enough and you can realise what’s just happened perhaps you can begin with an apology and say something like ” after the day I’ve had, I wanted to come home and have a fantastic evening so I’m really sorry if when I came in I seemed flustered and angry, that wasn’t my intention, I wanted to get cosy and not let it ruin our night, are you OK?”

Support and Coach
Supporting and coaching each other may seem like an obvious part to a successful relationship but it’s not for everyone. If your partner has a goal, or something that they really want to achieve or something that they’re working on, really help them get that. There may be times where they seem to fall off the wagon, you’re probably the closest person to them and therefore you’re the one who needs to help them get back on track, especially if the thing that they’re working towards will help them in some way even if it’s just create an amazing feeling because they want to achieve it, support and coach wherever you can.  it will show you care, and so many relationship breakdowns are because people feel like the others are on a different path and that they’re not interested in your goals and what’s important to you.

Let It Go
I’m definitely not about the song from Frozen here, I’m talking about letting go of a grudge or hard feeling. Let’s face it, the only person that hurts from holding a grudge, is the person that holds it. It’s like hanging onto a hot coal, the only burns the person not letting it go. There’s another great saying that I once heard from Wayne Dyer and its ” nobody ever dies from a snakebite, it’s the venom inside that kills” thankfully removing venom that is a grudge is a simple as letting it go.

Listen up, and see what else you learn and discover during this podcast, and leave me comments or contact me on social media to discuss anything.

The post 005 – 4 Tips To Prevent Conflicts To Create The Perfect Relationship appeared first on Mike Sweet.

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This is session number 005 of the Living The Life podcast. In this session I'll be explaining a very simple but completely overlook mindset tips that will allow you to have the upper hand and prevent unnecessary conflicts with Loved ones in the quest for the no longer common long lasting relationship and marriage.<br /> <br /> Acceptance<br /> Whenever I have couple sat in with me to talk about their relationships and their relationship issues, more often than not the person begins to describe to me how their life-long partner squeezes the toothpaste from the middle rather than from the end, or other little petty niggles like never re-sealing packets the way that they would do. <br /> <br /> Ask, Don't Guess<br /> Guessing, is possibly the biggest reason that couples fall out for no apparent reason. Let me explain this a little bit more. Imagine for a moment you walk in from a real tough day at work, your boss has been an arse, and nothing seems to have gone to plan. You're driving home feeling frustrated and annoyed knowing that you do not want to bring this through the front door and on to your partner, you decide you can go straight in get changed and go downstairs forgetting about the worries to the day to simply enjoy the night. but as luck would have it, things aren't going to go to plan here either. <br /> <br /> Support and Coach<br /> Supporting and coaching each other may seem like an obvious part to a successful relationship but it's not for everyone. If your partner has a goal, or something that they really want to achieve or something that they're working on, really help them get that. There may be times where they seem to fall off the wagon, you're probably the closest person to them and therefore you're the one who needs to help them get back on track, especially if the thing that they're working towards will help them in some way even if it's just create an amazing feeling because they want to achieve it, support and coach wherever you can. it will show you care, and so many relationship breakdowns are because people feel like the others are on a different path and that they're not interested in your goals and what's important to you.<br /> <br /> Let It Go<br /> I'm definitely not about the song from Frozen here, I'm talking about letting go of a grudge or hard feeling. Let's face it, the only person that hurts from holding a grudge, is the person that holds it. It's like hanging onto a hot coal, the only burns the person not letting it go. There's another great saying that I once heard from Wayne Dyer and its " nobody ever dies from a snakebite, it's the venom inside that kills" thankfully removing venom that is a grudge is a simple as letting it go.<br /> <br /> Listen up, and see what else you learn and discover during this podcast, and leave me comments or contact me on social media to discuss anything. Mike Sweet clean 10:25
005 – The Eyes Have It – Eye Accessing Cues https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/005-the-eyes-have-it-eye-accessing-cues/ Wed, 06 Jan 2016 19:12:40 +0000 http://www.mikesweet.co.uk/?p=311 https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/005-the-eyes-have-it-eye-accessing-cues/#respond https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/005-the-eyes-have-it-eye-accessing-cues/feed/ 0 <p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/005-the-eyes-have-it-eye-accessing-cues/">005 – The Eyes Have It – Eye Accessing Cues</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk">Mike Sweet</a>.</p>

NLP In Action

Welcome to NLP In Action. NLP insights and practical tips to help you discover what NLP has for you.

This is Episode 005 of the NLP In Action podcast. This show is all about eye accessing cues. Typically people who begin to look into NLP at first, are very excited to learn that the way a person moves their eyes can tell you a lot about how they are experiencing the world and what they may be thinking.

In a nutshell, the eyes typically move in 7 directions while a person is talking:

Up and Left
nlp eye accessing cuesUp and Right
Across Left
Across Right
Down to the Left
Down to the Right
Staring forward in a gaze

Have you noticed this? Perhaps now I’ve said it you’ll begin to see how much this happens. Great, please do as practice does make permanent.

A person tends to show a more prominent eye glances when they are asked to search for different types of information.

The great news is that the eye directions make quite a lot of sense to the type of information they are looking for. Visual parts are up. Just like the position of the eyes on your head. Accessing auditory is where the eyes go across to the ears, and then down when we are feeling or talking to ourselves.

Is This The Case For Everyone?

Above is the structure for a person who is “normally wired” this accounts for approximately 75% of the population, however, the 25% who don’t follow this pattern usually just reverse left and right.

The left and right I now refer to are as you look at that person so when I say up and left, it’s your left and their right. So from a watching and observing point of view use your own right and left.

If someone looks up, they are accessing visual information: Visual remembered images to the right, and visual constructed images to the left.

Can You Spot A Lie?

I like to remember this as Right Remember and Left Lie. It’s not necessarily an outright lie but possibly a construction or fabrication. Just something they don’t have a visual memory available to access. This seems to be a standard eye movement fo people who tend to exaggerate.

Auditory information is again accessed either on the left or right and again in the same way. Right remembered and Left Lie…… Construct fabricate etc. If they recall what their grandmother once said they may go right across and if they are trying to guess what a cow-pig might snort like then over to the left.  Still with me?

Is a person talking to themselves? Well in most cases they will be looking down and right. This is what’s known as auditory digital or Ad

And people look down and left as you look at them, this is them usually accessing kinaesthetic or feelings.

In quite a lot of cases, for people answering straightforward questions, you may find that their eyes just look straight ahead even though they are accessing information. Things like what your favourite football team, what’s the colour of your car, this uses the information that is well-known and doesn’t necessarily need to be retrieved therefore you can simply get a focused or glazed look at the I still face forward for these type of questions.

Eye movement or Eye accessing cues aren’t entirely new but do draw a massive amount of attention within the NLP world, as people seem to be amazed that there is this seemingly distinct pattern when it’s pointed out that we all do yet know nothing about.

Within the NLP world there are many uses for eye accessing cues, most common, is to find out people strategies for decision-making or perhaps buying strategies. I’ll cover this in another podcast, as you know I only have 10 minutes!

How You Can Begin To Look For These?

Understanding of persons eye accessing cues can also give you an indication of the type of predicates they use. This is how they contextualise the world to themselves. Understanding persons sensory preferences makes it very easy to talk and communicate on their wavelength

Questions To Try To Elicit Eye Movements
Visual remember type questions to elicit eyes going up to the right
“What colour was your very first car?”
“How many windows does your house have?”

Visual construct type questions to elicit eyes going up to the left
” if an elephant and a donkey had kids what you think they look like?” “What would your house look like if it was painted green with orange spots?”

Auditory recall type questions to elicit eyes going across to the right
“What was the very last thing I said?”
“What does Bart Simpson sound like?”

Auditory construct questions to elicit eyes going across to the left
“if elephants could sing, what would it sound like?’
“what would car sound like if they could run on washing-up liquid?”

Auditory digital questions to elicit eyes going diagonally down to the right
“Can you recite your nine times tables in your head?”
“Run me through the first few minutes of your morning yesterday and what you are thinking?”

Kinaesthetic type questions that will elicit feelings will show the eyes go diagonally down to the left
“What does a cold shower feel like?”
“Think of something that you’ve won in the past, how did that make you feel?”
“Tell me about your wedding day”

Exact Science – Works Every Time?

This isn’t an exact science, however, noticing eye accessing cues is a tool to use and understand as it will give you insights into that person’s world, their processes and how they internalise. If a person is not normally wired so to speak and therefore they access information in the reverse of what I have spoken about, you will in most cases find that there is still a pattern that can be followed. This is where a skilled practitioner will calibrate asking questions that they definitely need to remember and also definitely need to construct this is a way that a practitioner can begin to find out how a person is wired, so to speak.

Also a point worth noting, people rarely just go directly to the eye movement which matches the question. For example “what would your first car have looked like if it were painted green and orange?” From what I said above, I would expect their rise to go up and left as they need to visually construct this, but you need to also understand that a person may need to internalise what you said rather than simply construct an answer. This may mean that they repeat what you’ve just said so, therefore, there is a chance that you’ll get an auditory remember, then they might feel a little bit embarrassed about that particular car, or colour. And there’s also then a chance at the begin to talk to himself, thinking “what is this quack playing at.” But eventually, they will go to visual construct to pull the information.

So the eyes really do have it, but there’s far more to understanding how to decipher what a person is thinking or feeling other than using eye accessing cues. So, my challenge to you is beginning to use and notice people’s eye accessing cues which way the rise going what are they doing where are they searching for information. I’ll cover eliciting strategies in a later podcast and naturally, I’ll need to go over-representation all systems and predicates in more detail.

The post 005 – The Eyes Have It – Eye Accessing Cues appeared first on Mike Sweet.

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This is Episode 005 of the NLP In Action podcast. This show is all about eye accessing cues. Typically people who being to look into NLP at first, are very excited to learn that the way a person moves their eyes can tell you a lot about how they are experiencing the world and what they may be thinking.<br /> <br /> In a nutshell, the eyes typically move in 6 directions while a person is talkingnlp eye accessing cues<br /> Up and Left<br /> Up and Right<br /> Across Left<br /> Across Right<br /> Down to the Left<br /> Down to the Right<br /> <br /> Have you noticed this? Perhaps now I've said it you'll really begin to notice how much this happens. Great, please do as practice does make permanent.<br /> <br /> A person tends to show a more prominent eye glances when the are asked to search for different types of information.<br /> <br /> The great news is that the eye directions make quite a lot of sense to the type of information they are looking for. Visual parts are up. Just like the position of the eyes on your head. Accessing auditory is where the eyes go accross to the ears, and then down when we are feeling or talking to ourselves.<br /> <br /> Above is the structure for a person who is "normally wired" this accounts for approximately 75% of the population, however, the 25% who don't follow this pattern usually just reverse left and right.<br /> <br /> The left and right I now referr to is as you look at that person so when i say up and left, its your left and their right. So from a watching and observing point of view use your own right and left.<br /> <br /> If someone looks up, they are accessing visual information: Visual remembered images to the right, and visual constructed images to the left.<br /> <br /> I like remember this as Right Remember and Left Lie. It's not necessarily an outright lie but possibly a construction or fabrication. Just something they don't have a visual memory available to access. This seems to be a common eye movement fo people who tend to exaggerate.<br /> <br /> Auditory information is again accessed either on the left or right and again in the same way. Right remembered and Left Lie...... Construct fabricate etc. If they are recalling what their grandmother once said they may go right across and if they are trying to guess what a cow-pig might snort like then over to the left. Still with me? Mike Sweet clean 12:25
005 – 7 Ways To Stick To New Years Resolutions https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/005-how-to-stick-to-new-years-resolutions/ Tue, 05 Jan 2016 19:29:18 +0000 http://www.mikesweet.co.uk/?p=306 https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/005-how-to-stick-to-new-years-resolutions/#respond https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/005-how-to-stick-to-new-years-resolutions/feed/ 0 <p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/005-how-to-stick-to-new-years-resolutions/">005 – 7 Ways To Stick To New Years Resolutions</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk">Mike Sweet</a>.</p>

Welcome to Influence, Psychology and Persuasion Podcast

This is session number 005 of the Influence Psychology and Persuasion podcast. This is very topical as we have just started 2016. Why do nearly 50% of the population set a new years resolution, only 25 % of those who start make it to February and the only 8% are said to achieve their goals?  Here are 7 simple ideas to allow you to stay on track………. This time.

Get specific with the goal/s
Before embarking upon any new challenge or behaviour that you’d like to create, you need to absolutely make sure that your goal is extremely specific. It’s no good simply saying I want to lose weight, or I want to be slim. These give you a slight indication to what you’re working to, however they don’t give you any specific sizes or  timescales in which you want to achieve it. A very specific goal might be I want to lose 2 pounds a week for the first four weeks. Reassess after this point and you can increase or decrease the amount whenever you see fit, as well as been specific make sure it’s realistic because you probably want to lose a pound 8 week for four weeks, but get real. remember, you can’t do don’t therefore setting a goal about things that you don’t want to do, don’t want to achieve, is completely counter-productive. Your brain is goal seeking, and therefore you need to  word your goal is a thing that you are going to do rather than not. If your goal is to not drink wine on Friday night, it could be to drink bottles of soda water on a Friday night..

Get and accountability partner
Having someone you’re accountable to when working on a new goal or challenge is extremely important. Just like reporting into a line manager at work. It seems that when you have someone in your accountable to for achieving a certain goal you’re far more likely to push yourself in those times when you’re really lagging in motivation to do so. We all know the saying, there’s an app for that. And for accountability, there certainly is. Tim Ferris talks about a website called stick STICKK and this is a great website where you can find an accountability partner and even put a wager on the line to further boost motivation and accountability.

Know the end result and why it’s important to you
When you set your goal, your New Year’s resolution makes sure you know you’re “Why”, and why that is important to you. the truth is, you’re why will come from the story you tell yourself about what you want to achieve and why it’s important to you. Spend some time really thinking about what it will be like when you achieve that result. It may be something like you want to read a book a week, so ask yourself questions what will that give you, how would your life improved because of it, what other benefits you think you’ll achieve by doing this? You can even add a bit to the end of that and how would that make me feel if I achieved that? asking yourself questions about the why is a great way to load up motivation and passion about something you’re about to embark upon.

Don’t start your day until you finished it
It is absolutely critical, that you plan each and every day before each and every day. What I mean by this, is planned your following day the night before. Once you’ve planned your day and run through the day in your mind about how it might go how certain achievements once their completed will make you feel, then you’re far more likely to go ahead and stick to that plan. Once your brain has imagined something it’s very easy for that to be absorbed as the default option. But what most of us do, it don’t plan the following day including the new actions and then when motivation is low we begin to question ourselves. What would happen if I didn’t do X? do I really need to do this now? And it’s very easy to create a different reality.

Today is the best day to start
Procrastination is a positivity killer. The very best time to start anything new when you decide that it’s best to you in some way, is right at that given moment. Take a single action towards achieving that goal, it could be something small like downloading an app, calling a gym to find out when the next classes on, or even something as small as taking a note on your phone. It only takes one single step to make a start and it’s far more beneficial to start immediately and make adjustments along the way then is to profusely plan every possible step before the first one is taken. Start today!

The very best way to eat an elephant, is a bit at a time.
In most cases, you will have the ability to make your goal, incremental. Break it down into smaller more achievable parks the perhaps you can reassess on a weekly or monthly basis. This will also give you time to give yourself praise and let you know that you are heading in the right direction.

There is no failure only feedback
As each day passes and you hit these daily milestones, you may feel like you’re really on track, until suddenly you fail. this failure was merely a bump in the road and in most cases it will probably teach you something, simply get back on track and carry on producing just as you’ve done. If your goal is something light weight loss, ruining your diet with a tasty lunch is by no means a failure or reason to ruin your dinner and following days breakfast.

Recent Posts

The post 005 – 7 Ways To Stick To New Years Resolutions appeared first on Mike Sweet.

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This is session number 005 of the Influence Psychology and Persuasion podcast. This is very topical as we have just started 2016. Why do nearly 50% of the population set a new years resolution, only 25 % of those who start, make it to February and then only 8% are said to achieve their goals? Here are 7 simple ideas to allow you to stay on track.......... This time. Mike Sweet clean 10:49
004 – Meditate To Make You Great https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/004-meditate-to-make-you-great/ Fri, 01 Jan 2016 14:26:55 +0000 http://www.mikesweet.co.uk/?p=291 https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/004-meditate-to-make-you-great/#respond https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/004-meditate-to-make-you-great/feed/ 0 <p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/004-meditate-to-make-you-great/">004 – Meditate To Make You Great</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk">Mike Sweet</a>.</p>

Living The Life

Meditate to make you Great.

Meditation, mindfulness and other relaxation techniques, have been growing in popularity over the past 10 to 15 years and some would say that these methods have almost become mainstream. Unfortunately though, I feel we still have a long way to go to see more people embark upon these amazing relaxation and wellness protocols. Meditation is backed by science in so many areas. We now know that people who regularly meditate for 10 to 15 minutes at a time have the ability to rewire their neurology. This is a process called neuroplasticity simply means our brains rejig and change due to meditation.

Meditation is backed by science in so many studies. We now know that people who regularly meditate for 10 to 15 minutes at a time have the ability to rewire their neurology. This is a process called neuroplasticity and it simply means our brains rejig and change due to meditation. With the fast-paced life we all live in, it’s estimated that we have between 12,000 and 60,000 thoughts per day! now I’m not too sure how someone can even begin to tot those numbers up, but even at 12,000 singular thoughts per day we really are using our grey matter.

When we use our muscles and our ligaments, we can stretch, we can massage and we can go for treatments to get rid of knots and creeks but when our brain is stressed and overtaxed what do most people do? Drink! Smoke! These things don’t help at all. What we really need is to switch off and take a break.

This is where Meditation really has its place. It creates a clearer mind that can operate in more effective ways. Any wonder why so many of the top fortune 500 CEO’s meditate. As well as soothing away stresses and strains Meditation creates new neurological pathways. Is well documented that chronic prolonged stress has massive negative effects upon our neurology and physiology. Meditation and mindfulness allow a practical way to really begin to work at the damaging effects of prolonged stress.

As with all new things, meditation and mindfulness have been shrouded by a number of myths and misconceptions the perhaps keep so much of the general public away from embarking upon this new habit.

Here are some of those:
Meditation is a religious act!  This just simply isn’t true. The benefits of meditation have been documented in some religious type literature, however, the benefits and the processes of meditation don’t need to be religious in any way shape or form.

I need to clear my mind and I can’t!  This is another absolutely fantastic myth. If you’re thinking of nothing, and I mean absolutely nothing, then the chances are you’re dead. I’m not asking you to start dying just meditate.

It takes lots of practice and I don’t have the time!  If this is you, then you definitely need to practice meditation/mindfulness. Lots of studies have shown that people who meditate are far more productive and proactive therefore resolving time constraints. As well as a vast number of Fortune 500 CEOs who recommend an openly discuss how they use meditation along with its benefits, large corporations such as Google now allow their employees to take meditation/mindfulness courses to enhance their ability to practice this amazing technique.

Why do companies like this invest in their employees with meditation? Quite simply, because it absolutely works. Happy, calm and creative employees make a great company.

Don’t get bogged down with the how-to’s, just have a little hunt around online and you’ll find lots of really basic videos and apps to get you started. Just remember when starting out doing this, there is no wrong way, and practice makes permanent! Listen

The post 004 – Meditate To Make You Great appeared first on Mike Sweet.

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This is session number 004 of the Living The Life podcast. Meditate to make you Great.<br /> <br /> Meditation, mindfulness and other relaxation techniques, have been growing in popularity over the past 10 to 15 years and some would say that these methods have almost become mainstream. Unfortunately though, I feel we still have a long way to go to see more people embark upon these amazing relaxation and wellness protocols. Meditation is backed by science in so many areas. We now know that people who regularly meditate for 10 to 15 minutes at a time have the ability to rewire their neurology. This is a process called neuroplasticity simply means our brains rejig and change due to meditation. Mike Sweet clean 9:18
003 – Be More Selfish To Be More Considerate https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/003-be-more-selfish-to-be-more-considerate/ Fri, 01 Jan 2016 14:16:24 +0000 http://www.mikesweet.co.uk/?p=289 https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/003-be-more-selfish-to-be-more-considerate/#respond https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/003-be-more-selfish-to-be-more-considerate/feed/ 0 <p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/003-be-more-selfish-to-be-more-considerate/">003 – Be More Selfish To Be More Considerate</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk">Mike Sweet</a>.</p>

Living The Life

You need to bear with me on this one, as I have a few things to explain, especially the elephant in the room. The fact that I’m suggesting that the more selfish you become the more considerate you will be! Slightly oxymoronic don’t you think?

As this is being published at the end of December 2015 I’d like to suggest that during this festive period and on from now, you give yourself the gift of selfishness! and it truly is a gift, those people who know its power and how best to use it really do live a more fulfilled, happy and on purpose life.

If you’re one of those people who go out of your way to help others, friends, families, people from work whenever they need you, then this really is for you. Now there is a caveat to this, you can’t simply go around denying help to anyone because you’ve listened to this and decided that yes, you do need to become a little bit more selfish. There’s method to this seeming madness. The route behind this, is that you need to look after number one first. And in all cases, and I mean all cases you are number 1 to you. There is a very clear reason why when we fly on aeroplanes we are told by the cabin crew to fit our own life jackets and oxygen masks before helping others. This reason is…… If we don’t look after ourselves, then we simply can’t help others! You see will be going now?

If you really consider yourself to be considerate and helpful, then you absolutely must do things to yourself first. Whether it’s eating the right foods and going to the gym. Or joining a salsa class at night, or even learning the new language. these things all conducive to allow you to live the life that you want, and feel the way that you want to feel. You need to make these things in your life and nonnegotiable, these types of activities and challenges are what keeps us young and it ticks the box that allows us to keep on growing.

There is another very interesting and paradoxical piece to this pie and I’m sure it’s a scenario that you’ve come across at some point in your life, perhaps even regularly.  Typically, people who do lots for those around them love ones friends etc tend to find that they don’t get appreciated for all the help that they offer and carry out these people. It might be borrowing money, lifts to the shops help decorating a room or whatever it may be. Once the task has been completed it seems to lack in appreciation. Now look at the other side of the coin, the other people who seem to do very little for others but when they do the slightest of favour or offer some assistance then the receiver seems to massively appreciate that help. These the times you find yourself saying “they do absolutely nothing all year and then offered the smallest piece of help and get given the most thanks”. Something very interesting is going on here and I think I may have an answer.

When a person is selfish and they do things for themselves first and foremost in nearly all cases then that person is fully rejuvenated, we charged and fulfilled. Any help they offer or assistance they give also comes with a shroud of this positive energy, and it’s this energy that gets appreciated but gets wrapped up in the assistance that is given. Therefore the receiver values the assistance far more from a selfish person because it comes with good energy and a good feeling. A person who is always give, give giving and spends very little time on themselves can in most cases help out or offer assistance however this is then shrouded in negative energy. and this is what the recipient receives which is possibly why they don’t appreciate it as much.

If you make yourself number one, and always prioritised things that you want to do for yourself first, any assistance you offer thereafter always comes subtly different in positivity and energy and this is what we get. just like the person who walks into the office can completely drain the energy from those around, a person who does not restore their own energy will have this vampire like effect regardless of their intentions.

So if you want to be more considerate be more selfish starting now!

Listen up, and see what else you learn and discover during this podcast, and leave me comments or contact me on social media to discuss anything.

The post 003 – Be More Selfish To Be More Considerate appeared first on Mike Sweet.

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This is session number 003 of the Living The Life podcast. You need to bear with me on this one, as I have a few things to explain, especially the elephant in the room. The fact that I'm suggesting that the more selfish you become the more considerate you will be! Slightly oxymoronic don't you think?<br /> <br /> As this is being published at the end of December 2015 I'd like to suggest that during this festive period and on from now, you give yourself the gift of selfishness! and it truly is a gift, those people who know its power and how best to use it really do live a more fulfilled, happy and on purpose life. Mike Sweet clean 9:19
002 – Questions Are The Answer https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/002-questions-are-the-answer/ Fri, 01 Jan 2016 14:05:14 +0000 http://www.mikesweet.co.uk/?p=286 https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/002-questions-are-the-answer/#respond https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/002-questions-are-the-answer/feed/ 0 <p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/002-questions-are-the-answer/">002 – Questions Are The Answer</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk">Mike Sweet</a>.</p>

Living The Life

The title of this is a little bit off-putting I know, however, questions really are the answer.

The quality of questions you ask yourself directly correlates to the quality-of-life you will live.

So much of our day is spent talking to ourselves, we wonder we ponder and we guess how today has gone or is going to go. We even try to guess what a person is thinking about a future discussion that we’ve yet to have and we also guess how that person may feel! We run scenarios through our heads and we are constantly asking ourselves questions which ultimately only we can answer. however, most of the types of questions we do ask ourselves aren’t particularly helpful.

Questions, really do have the power to define our lives. Perhaps you’ve heard the saying, “as you think so shall you be”? much of what we think lays the path for what we are about to create.

A skill that like you to get from this, is the ability to preload your psychology with positive questions that allow you to realise a more positive outcome. For example, most people get out of bed and ask yourself a question like, what will today bring? When you think about that, it really is an unknown quantity and therefore, potentially can’t be answered immediately. The answer though, could be both positive or negative for that type of question. Imagine a habit and a psychology that asks, Who will I connect with today? Or What will I learn today? Or even What will I get excited about today?  These types of questions allow us to begin to search for the answers. I cover this in more detail in the influence psychology persuasion podcast but the very basic explanation is that a part of your brain called the recticular cortex will search for an answer for up to 72 hours after you have asked it. This is the part of your brain that remembers an actor’s name days after you and a friend were discussing it in detail whilst having a coffee. Your brain will always look to find you an answer so therefore if you provide better questions you will see and prove better answers to yourself.

A way that I like to introduce this to people to really begin to formulate new habits is to bookmark their day. What I mean here is to begin each morning with five specific questions and then end each evening with five or so.

Evening Questions
What have I learnt today?
What ways have I noticed that I have made a small step towards how I want to feel?
Who have I connected with today?
How have I changed today working slowly towards my goal of being more self-confident?
What am I pleased about today?
Who has made me smile today?
What have I enjoyed today?
What am I proud of?

Morning questions!
What new ways will I improve my self-confidence today?
Who can I connect with today?
I wonder who I’ll make smile today?
What new opportunities will I see today?
I wonder where I’ll notice opportunities to make an impact for my future today?
What am I looking forward to today?

There’s some more magic dust to sprinkle on the evening questions too. at the end of each of those questions, also ask yourself “and how did/does that make me feel”?

During the evening, it’s also a great time to plan the following day. There’s a saying, don’t start your day until you finished it. And what this really means is to plan your day the night before. Questions are a great part of planning.

What’s the first big task that needs to be done tomorrow, and once that’s complete how will that make me feel?

Questions really do define your psychology and neurology and ultimately, your life.

Listen up, and see what else you learn and discover during this podcast, and leave me comments or contact me on social media to discuss anything.

The post 002 – Questions Are The Answer appeared first on Mike Sweet.

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This is session number 002 of the Living The Life podcast. The title of this is a little bit off-putting I know, however, questions really are the answer.<br /> <br /> The quality of questions you ask yourself directly correlates to the quality-of-life you will live.<br /> <br /> So much of our day is spent talking to ourselves, we wonder we ponder and we guess how today has gone or is going to go. We even try to guess what a person is thinking about a future discussion that we've yet to have and we also guess how that person may feel! We run scenarios through our heads and we are constantly asking ourselves questions which ultimately only we can answer. however, most of the types of questions we do ask ourselves aren't particularly helpful.<br /> <br /> Questions, really do have the power to define our lives. Perhaps you've heard the saying, "as you think so shall you be"? much of what we think lays the path for what we are about to create. Mike Sweet clean 9:29
001 – Why This Life Coaching Podcast Exists https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/001-why-this-life-coaching-podcast-exists/ Fri, 01 Jan 2016 13:53:17 +0000 http://www.mikesweet.co.uk/?p=281 https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/001-why-this-life-coaching-podcast-exists/#respond https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/001-why-this-life-coaching-podcast-exists/feed/ 0 <p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/001-why-this-life-coaching-podcast-exists/">001 – Why This Life Coaching Podcast Exists</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk">Mike Sweet</a>.</p>

Living The Life

This is first in the series, and I’d like to share and explain why this podcast even exists. I’ve been a therapist and a coach for number of years now and during this time I have discovered and uncovered many traits and principles that allow people to live the life they desire. So many people are trapped in their own mindsets and beliefs which make every day a struggle and dread. The only thing certain in life is that it will come to an end at some point, that end is never known to a person therefore making the most of every single day and every moment of every single day should be top of everyone’s list, but it’s not, and even if it was, so many people wouldn’t know where to start.

In this podcast, I talk about the two main stages of life.  growing, and dying! We can never do both at the same time, however most of us spend our time depleting and worrying our lives away which falls directly into the dying category. What we need to do, is empower ourselves, learn new things, challenge our beliefs and our physical ability. These are all ways in which we can grow and Excel. Contentment shouldn’t be the goal in life, yet it is for so many people. Excitement, learning, and challenging are all things we should be seeking to live an extraordinary life. Listen up, and see what else you learn and discover during this podcast, and leave me comments or contact me on social media to discuss anything.

The post 001 – Why This Life Coaching Podcast Exists appeared first on Mike Sweet.

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This is session number 001 of the Living The Life podcast.This is first in the series, and I'd like to share and explain why this podcast even exists. I've been a therapist and a coach for number of years now and during this time I have discovered and uncovered many traits and principles that allow people to live the life they desire. So many people are trapped in their own mindsets and beliefs which make every day a struggle and dread. The only thing certain in life is that it will come to an end at some point, that end is never known to a person therefore making the most of every single day and every moment of every single day should be top of everyone's list, but it's not, and even if it was, so many people wouldn't know where to start. Mike Sweet clean 10:05
004 – Commitment and Consistency Principle https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/004-commitment-and-consistency-principle/ Wed, 16 Dec 2015 16:30:52 +0000 http://www.mikesweet.co.uk/?p=257 https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/004-commitment-and-consistency-principle/#respond https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/004-commitment-and-consistency-principle/feed/ 0 <p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/004-commitment-and-consistency-principle/">004 – Commitment and Consistency Principle</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk">Mike Sweet</a>.</p>

Welcome to Influence, Psychology and Persuasion

This is session number 004 of Influence Psychology and Persuasion. In this show, I’ll be talking all about the commitment and consistency principle. This a Psychological principle details by Robert Cialdini and it has so many interesting caveats and discoveries. However, you need to be aware that this psychological process of remaining consistent and committed can sometimes lead you down the wrong path. Your own need to remain consistent is a troublemaker.

https://youtu.be/VxWQsN7GCxA?rel=0

Typically, we value consistency and commitment. This is an important principle to be aware of, because you may be led down a consistent path which leads to either inconsistent results or unwanted outcomes.

It’s hard-wired in us to remain consistent. We like people who have integrity and follow through. Though this nobility is very persuasive.

The commitment and consistency principles have quite a close relationship to the Yes Set that we discovered in episode number two of this podcast. So if you want to know a little bit more about this or another angle, then visit the influence psychology persuasion podcast and check out episode number 2.

What is the commitment and consistency principle?

Put simply, we are more inclined to take action on something we have already started or to follow a path already trodden. Basically, If we make a commitment to something we will more than likely carry on or even do more of that thing.

“Gamblers are more likely to feel their chances increase the moment they actually place a bet.”

In one of the experiments carried out 1987, social scientist Anthony Greenwald approached potential voters on the eve of Election Day. He asked whether they would vote. And he also asked them why or why not, depending on their response. 100% of the people he asked said they would vote. On Election Day, 86.7% of those people asked went to the polls, compared to only 61.5% of those who were not asked. The people who publically made a commitment to voting on the previous day proved more likely to actually vote.

Another of the study carried out, called the foot in the door demonstrates this in another way. People were asked if they would display a large wooden sign in their front garden asking for people to drive more carefully. The result was a resounding no. However, more researchers asked if people would put a small postcard sign in their front window to which many agreed, but them a week or so later went back to those houses who had agreed to the small postcard and asked those if they would out a large sign in their garden. And lost agreed.

One a commitment is made. people want to remain consistent. Be very careful of this principle. If you’re asked to make a donation, hand out, use of your time…. there may be a bigger request to follow. Remember, you will be swayed by this bias so be aware and try as best as you can to make a judgement on every action without allowing previous choices to define you.

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This is session number 004 of the Influence Psychology and Persuasion podcast. In this show, I'll be talking all about the commitment and consistency principle. This a Psychological principle details by Robert Cialdini and it has so many interesting caveats and discoveries. Typically, we value consistency and commitment. However, you need to be aware that this psychological process of remaining consistent and committed can sometimes lead you down the wrong path. Mike Sweet clean 10:16
003 – The Halo Effect – Get The Edge With This Principle https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/003-the-halo-effect-get-the-edge-with-this-principle/ Wed, 16 Dec 2015 16:26:35 +0000 http://www.mikesweet.co.uk/?p=254 https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/003-the-halo-effect-get-the-edge-with-this-principle/#respond https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/003-the-halo-effect-get-the-edge-with-this-principle/feed/ 0 <p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/003-the-halo-effect-get-the-edge-with-this-principle/">003 – The Halo Effect – Get The Edge With This Principle</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk">Mike Sweet</a>.</p>

Welcome to Influence, Psychology and Persuasion Podcast

This is session number 003 of the Influence Psychology and Persuasion podcast. This show is all about the halo effect. Understanding this fantastic psychological principle will allow you to become a better judger. Plus, you can play to the rules meaning you can hack this cognitive bias to your advantage.

What is the Halo Effect

This social psychological phenomenon causes people to have a bias in their judgement. If a person attributes a particular feeling or experience to another, then they are more likely to perceive that person with matching attributes. For example, a smart, tall, well-dressed, good-looking person is more likely to be regarded as an honest, and trustworthy individual. We give more credit to people who are attractive and “look the part.”

When you think of that, on the face of it, it makes absolutely no sense. However, we do require our psychological biases to run our day and make the snap judgements. I’ve mentioned it before, we are pattern making machines, and this cognitive bias can help us at times. However, you need to make sure that you do not hold your ground on an initial judgement because you need to understand that there will be more than meets the eye at first.

This podcast is not meant just to allow you to open your eyes and your attitudes towards how you may perceive others, but also to enable you to understand this psychological effect, and use it to your advantage. Now you know that people make snap judgements and will categorise you, then you can play the game by ensuring you are “dressed for the occasion,” so to speak. Use this confirmation bias to your advantage, because what people perceive, they more often than not believe.

Allow people to remain in their pattern

As well as looking good. Be it pretty, well-dressed, smart etc. What’s also important is that it’s relevant. If the chef was dressed in shorts and T-shirt, his food wouldn’t taste as nice. Keep in-keeping with what people expect and dress that up. Familiarity is another principle that influences behavior. This ties in nicely to the halo effect.

You’ve no doubt heard the sayings “first impressions last,” and you don’t get a second chance to make a first impression. These are entirely true, but you do need to know that people will perceive and therefore judge and more importantly categorise you based upon their initial perception. We just can’t help ourselves. You don’t have control over a person’s opinion of you, but you certainly can play the odds when you understand that this is always happening. And, once a person makes a judgement about you, they will then look for more evidence to confirm the initial decision.

Is it only people?

Absolutely not, If you like the smell of a new car, you will have an increased overall feeling towards that vehicle.

Flip that example for a moment. If you went in to buy a brand new car and in the showroom and as you opened the door of your potential car it smelled like rotten eggs, you’d feel repulsed. Logic says you could rationalise and know it was a one-off or prank being played by someone. But, you’d still have a decreased attachment that car.

How do you take this and prepare

  • Remember, people will be making judgements about you all of the time. Therefore, take into consideration the expectation of how you look, and if relevant, play to your strengths and exceed visual expectations.
  • Get curious! Look for what you have missed in an initial assumption of a person. This will give you a more rounded view of them.
  • Just because you like some part of a person, house, item, holiday etc. Doesn’t necessarily mean everything else will be fine and dandy.
  • Selling your house? Put a halo on the whole experience.

We sold our last house within 12 hours of it going on the market, and there was huge interest. We put a Halo on everything we could think of.

Just because the house looks amazing when you first view it, doesn’t mean that it’s structurally sound.
Just because the website is easy to use, doesn’t mean the TV your buying will be any good.
Just because you’re learning something about the Halo effect doesn’t mean I know anything else about Psychology! Lol

So, the takeaway from this is:  Don’t necessarily judge on first impressions. And remember people will judge you on your first impression! It’s all because of The Halo Effect

The post 003 – The Halo Effect – Get The Edge With This Principle appeared first on Mike Sweet.

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This is session number 003 of the Influence Psychology and Persuasion podcast. This show is all about the halo effect and understanding this amazing psychological principle that means we will judge people and circumstances based upon how much we like them or perceive them to fit into a certain role or level. Mike Sweet clean 7:37
002 – The Yes Set – A Sales and Influence Tool We All Know https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/002-the-yes-set-a-sales-and-influence-tool-we-all-know/ Wed, 16 Dec 2015 16:22:54 +0000 http://www.mikesweet.co.uk/?p=251 https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/002-the-yes-set-a-sales-and-influence-tool-we-all-know/#respond https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/002-the-yes-set-a-sales-and-influence-tool-we-all-know/feed/ 0 <p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/002-the-yes-set-a-sales-and-influence-tool-we-all-know/">002 – The Yes Set – A Sales and Influence Tool We All Know</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk">Mike Sweet</a>.</p>

Welcome to Influence, Psychology and Persuasion

This is session number 002 of Influence Psychology and Persuasion. In this show, I’ll be explaining a very common sales and influence technique called the Yes Set. This is perhaps one of these principles that people use without even realising that they use it.?rel=0

In fact, it is so effective that children learn this principle very quickly and very easily without, in most cases being told. I give an example in this during the podcast about my daughter, influencing me even after I explained this principle to her.

The Yes Set is something that is very subtle but when you realise the pattern you will begin to notice it in lots of places. Now in all cases, my intention for allowing people to learn these influence techniques is to simply understand them and to use them ethically.

Have I sparked your interest reading this small post? Would you like to know more about the Yes Set? Do you have a smartphone or computer? Then, subscribe to this influence psychology and persuasion podcast channel on iTunes or YouTube, I’m sure you’ll love it.

What’s the Structure of the Yes Set

Here’s the structure, and, it does have some flexibility too which is great news.
A series of questions that elicit a Yes, followed by a real question or request.

Ask a loaded question when you are almost certainly a person will say yes.
“Nice day today ay?” “Yeah… sure is!”
“I’m looking to book a table for my wife and I can you help me?” “Sure can!”
“Her birthday is in 3 weeks, can you get me a table on that Saturday?” “Yep, you’re in luck… we only have one left”
“Perfect and as it’s a really special treat could you put us on the window balcony overlooking the river?”
“Err….. Yes, I’ve done that too.”

Why does the Yes Set Work?

Robert Cialdini has done lots of research in the field of influence and persuasion; they found that the yes it works because of our built-in need to be consistent. “The consistency principle.”

The way we navigate through life’s constant challenges, is we rely on our past experiences and the decisions we made then. This is a fast-track for us to be efficient in our decision-making.

In its basic form. If a decision we once made was good enough to keep us safe and alive today, then it’s probably easiest if we follow that same pattern. Plus, we humans do like to be right. This means by remaining consistent it backs up previous decisions we have made. This consistency lets us know that we are being on purpose and getting things right.

As mentioned in a previous podcast and video, we are pattern creating machines. And allowing our lives to run on autopilot, which is unconsciously is far more comfortable than thinking about every step and decision. Check out the pattern interrupt the page and video for more information about patterns, and why interrupting a pattern, quite the opposite of the Yes Set is so compelling.

Consistency is in everything we do, the way we drive, how we make a cuppa tea, how we get dressed, how we bath, how we choose a job, types of friends we want, hobbies we choose. We are in constant search for the familiar. We like what’s familiar!

Therefore, if you can communicate with a person and have them consistently say yes, that’s far more likely to them to say yes to increasingly challenging requests or questions.

Can you see how this process works? Are you wondering, all the ways you may be able to increase your influencing skills? I bet you can’t wait to use this?

If you like this post, video and podcast, will you share it on social?

No Response Yes Set

The yes set is also effective even if the person you are communicated to isn’t talking. The non-verbal or no response yet set (as I like to call it) is a pacing of a person’s current experience to gain agreements with them internally.
Let me give you an example of a no response yet set
As you sit here watching or listening to the yes, you’re probably wondering all the ways you may be able to implement this, by now it’s clear that this process is quite easy to learn and very useful wouldn’t you agree?

This example is just pacing, leading and mind reading or presuppose a person’s experience at that time and using that as an agreement frame.

Now to complete that, all you need to do is add a request to the end of it. Something like; so when you start to use this in your daily life and realise the benefit, will you subscribe to my YouTube channel and give me a review on iTunes?

This non-verbal variation of the yes it can also be used in writing texts, copywriting or emails
.
Again, the structure is straightforward. You’re asking questions that are highly likely to be getting an internal yes response by the reader. Does that make sense?

Questions like:
Wouldn’t it be great if you could….?
Do you ever imagine……?
Are you sick and tired of not getting what you want…..?
Don’t you just hate being in the rat race?

The list is almost endless, but think how you can begin to implement this in your copywriting or text. And then as always with the yes set, you complete it by asking a simple question or request. Done correctly, and you’ll be far more likely to achieve compliance or agreement from the person who has listened, read or watched your material.

The Yes Set is potent stuff wouldn’t you agree?
Even if you just have a little takeaway from this post or video would share it with your friends?

There’s one more piece I think is worth mentioning. And this is a summary Yes Set (Again, that’s what I like to call it.)

The structure for this is WE’VE…. AND….. AND….. AND….. SO…?

This type of yes set is delivered at the end of an interaction or close.

WE’VE found the car in Red that you love, AND the monthly payments are right on budget AND we’ve agreed on a part exchange for your old unwanted car, AND head office has said delivery will be within a week, which is great, SO all I now need is a squiggle to say “Yes Mike, Get Me My New Car Next Week As We’ve Discussed.”

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This is session number 002 of the Influence Psychology and Persuasion podcast. In this show, I'll be explaining a very common sales and influence technique called the Yes Set. This is perhaps one of these principles that people use without even realising that they use it.<br /> <br /> In fact, it is so effective that children learn this principle very quickly and very easily without, in most cases being told. I give an example in this during the podcast about my daughter, influencing me even after I explained this principle to her. Mike Sweet clean 10:21
001 – Pay Attention – Your Awareness Directs Your Life https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/001-pay-attention-your-awareness-directs-your-life/ Wed, 16 Dec 2015 16:18:58 +0000 http://www.mikesweet.co.uk/?p=245 https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/001-pay-attention-your-awareness-directs-your-life/#respond https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/001-pay-attention-your-awareness-directs-your-life/feed/ 0 <p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/001-pay-attention-your-awareness-directs-your-life/">001 – Pay Attention – Your Awareness Directs Your Life</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk">Mike Sweet</a>.</p>

Welcome to Influence, Psychology and Persuasion

This is session number 001 of the Influence Psychology and Persuasion podcast. In this first of the 10-minute shows, I’ll be sharing some information on attention, awareness and how it directs your life. What you focus on increases.

Have a look at the Awareness Test on YouTube for a great demonstration on “what you focus on increases”. And, what you don’t, you’ll most probably miss. You can hedge your bets to get more of what you want, by understanding and applying this principle. This is called Selective attention.

The reticular activating system is the part of your brain that looks to prove you right. This isn’t entirely correct, but, to understand this, I like to call these elements, the thinker and the prover. You, yes, that’s right you the bit that reading, watching or listening to this is the thinker. The prover is the part of you that come up with the answer to the question that the thinker asks. “What will I learn today” is a great question to force your prover to find something that suits.

Example of Selective Attention

Last night, me and my wife were in bed. Then, the heating came on. All I could hear was the rush of water going through one of the bedroom radiators. I noticed it during the day while I was ironing a shirt. The engineer in me decided I’d get that sorted later that day but didn’t.

Now I’m laying in bed it’s just gone 11 pm, and I’m listening and wondering whether to get up and get that sorted. It would only take me 5 minutes, but the thought of going into the garage in the cold and dark to get the tool bag was enough to make me persevere and lie in bed listening to it.

In the morning I got up and went for the tool bag and my wife, Paula asked me what I was doing. I said, “Didn’t you hear the radiator last night; I need to get that sorted, I hardly slept?”

“No,” She said, “all I could hear was the neighbour’s house alarm going off. I was awake most of the night praying someone would get it turned off.”

“Neighbours alarm? I didn’t hear that, when did it start?”

It turns out she first heard it just after 12 am and it was continually ringing until gone 4 am. She told me even the neighbours were outside investigating it.

Me, on the other hand. Didn’t hear a thing. Well, except for the radiator. From 11 pm until 3 pm, it felt like I had no sleep at all. Talk about selective attention!

What we notice becomes real for us. And thankfully, what we experience is within our control. It all depends on what we focus on.

This same deletion process applies to people who live on noisy streets or in flight paths. They merely delete those sounds after a while. Or, they don’t, and end then up moving.

Not only are we great at deletion. We’re also great at switching focus and making real that on which we focus.

So what is it you are going to decide to focus on? Is it, which foot feels the warmest right now, is it the temperature of your back, or perhaps it’s that little itch on your face? Whatever it is, that is what becomes real. This is what’s called “selective attention.”

You need to know about this as opportunities pass you every day. If you’re not primed to look for, and expect them or worse still, only believe misfortune and issues come your way, then that is what you will notice, and that will become your reality.

The post 001 – Pay Attention – Your Awareness Directs Your Life appeared first on Mike Sweet.

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This is session number 001 of the Influence Psychology and Persuasion podcast. In this first of the 10 minute shows, I'll be sharing some information on attention, awareness and how it really directs your life. What you focus on increases.<br /> <br /> Have a look at the Awareness Test on YouTube for a great demonstration on "what you focus on increases". And, what you don't, you'll most probably miss. You can hedge your bets to get more of what you want by understanding and applying this principle. Mike Sweet clean
004 – Getting What You Want – Reticular Activating System https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/004-getting-what-you-want/ Fri, 04 Dec 2015 12:28:27 +0000 http://www.mikesweet.co.uk/?p=241 https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/004-getting-what-you-want/#respond https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/004-getting-what-you-want/feed/ 0 <p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/004-getting-what-you-want/">004 – Getting What You Want – Reticular Activating System</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk">Mike Sweet</a>.</p>

Welcome to NLP In Action

Welcome to NLP In Action. There will be useful tips and insights to NLP, along with practical applications for you to begin to integrate.

Your Reticular Activating Systems is not really NLP per se. This is a piece of psychology, and you need to know about as a human. The reticular activating system or you’ll often see the reticular cortex is a guiding system for your thoughts and feelings and ultimately how you live your life and how good you feel and perform. Your reticular activating system will literally allow you to experience you manifesting your life in real time.

The simple fact remains, we can only focus on a few things consciously at any one time. And what we focus on increases. This means we feel and recognise those things in our lives that we put our intention on. And the things we don’t focus on we don’t notice consciously.

Example

As you’re watching or listening or even reading this, start to notice which foot feels different right now all while still focusing on watching this video or listening to the podcast or reading the post. Chances are you’ll begin to recognise that one foot does feel slightly different. One might be warmer it might feel cooler you might have a tingling sensation or even an itch. Now that may not seem that impressive or beneficial. But I bet you weren’t thinking about your feet until I said.

You Get What You Focus On

The reticular activating system is a guiding light to achieving what you want. However, something so simple that should be so easy to implement causes people so many problems. And it’s all because of our language. We understand as adult human beings what “don’t get angry” means. We totally understand the intention when someone says to us “don’t worry about your boss he won’t sack you.” But the language system that we have means that to process that on a neurological level, we have to imagine being sacked, or getting angry and then we have to negate it or delete it. This means we get the exact feelings we are trying to avoid.

Ever wonder why you feel like you’ve lost control because you positively decided not to worry about finances anymore. And that’s all you can think about? Ever wonder why when you go on a diet, or you can think of is food?

How we talk to ourselves is directly related to how we feel. And it’s not just about talking positively because you’re able to positively say “this weekend I’m not going to drink a bottle of wine.” You see what happens; you have to do imagine yourself drinking or buying wine and then negate it or delete it to understand what that means.

So it’s about turning your language around. Our brain is wired to be goal seeking. This means you need to stay all goals or actions positively. So rather than telling a child to “don’t run across the road.” You’d simply change that to “stop at the yellow line.”

As well as being goal seeking, your RAS is also looking to prove you right at all times and answer your questions.

“It Came To Me From Nowhere”

Remember back to a time where you may be talking to a friend about an old film or old book that you both read where that quote came from. Perhaps you are talking about it, but of nowhere you seem to have forgotten the name of the book. It’s disappeared, out of your mind, it feels like it’s on the tip of your tongue you just can’t find the information. But then you say, as we all do. “It will come to me.” As sure as eggs are eggs that name of the book does come to you but 48 hours or so later when you’re not with your friend.

Your RAS is goal seeking and is looking for information to prove you right. So, your questions can guide what you start to notice or experience. So think about the language you use. You also need to be keen to select quality questions. If you ask yourself a question, your RAS or your prover will search for information to prove or answer that question.

Think about questions like: “who will annoy me today?” or “what will I struggle with today?”. Both are valid, but your prover will also find evidence and answers for you. To switch those questions around and ask yourself things like: “what will I do today at work that will let me know I’m achieving?” Or “what small way today will I see that my confidence is growing?”

And in just the same way that the title of the book or name of that actor can spring into your mind days later, you will also find that these questions will be answered too. And the answers will make you feel a certain way. But because you have focused on anticipating a positive outcome with the type of question you are asking. Then when your reticular activating system finds the answer, it will produce a positive feeling to you.

Why Do We Work Like This?

We are deletion machines. There is so much going on around us at any one time, that we need to delete so much of the unnecessary information around us. What’s necessary comes downs to safety, questions and focus. The Reticular Activating System allows you to notice those things you focus on or put importance on. So direct your life from now on and use your RAS.

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Mike Sweet clean 10:09
003 – Goal Setting and Well Formed Outcomes https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/003-goal-setting-and-well-formed-outcomes/ Fri, 04 Dec 2015 12:22:03 +0000 http://www.mikesweet.co.uk/?p=239 https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/003-goal-setting-and-well-formed-outcomes/#respond https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/003-goal-setting-and-well-formed-outcomes/feed/ 0 <p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/003-goal-setting-and-well-formed-outcomes/">003 – Goal Setting and Well Formed Outcomes</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk">Mike Sweet</a>.</p>

Welcome to NLP In Action

Welcome to NLP In Action. Useful tips and insights to NLP, along with practical applications for you to begin to integrate.

003 – Goal Setting and Well-Formed Outcomes

This is Episode 003 of the NLP In Action podcast. In this podcast, I cover the basis of effective goal setting and well-formed outcomes. The basic outlines I explain can be a great template for you to build upon any goal you wish to achieve.

Well-formed outcomes are a little bit like SMART goals. Except they dive a little deeper and look at the possibility and accountability elements of the goal that you want to set.

Goals are often called targets. And this is for a very good reason. Goals and targets are like destinations, and they give us something to reach for or head to.  Having no goals in life or business is a bit like jumping in a car for a drive. You go somewhere but it won’t be where you want to go, it will just be somewhere because you didn’t decide on what you wanted.

I quite like the PECSAW model for well-formed outcomes.

This is something you can do for yourself or help others with.

Positive

All goals must be stated in the positive. Say what you want and not what you don’t want, or even want more of. Just get really clear and say what it is that you actually want. The goal must be stated in the positive i.e. you decide what you (do) want rather than what you (don’t) want e.g.

What do you want?
What do are you going to achieve?

Evidence

How will you know you have achieved your goal?  when you get really clear on your goal, then the evidence that will be apparent when you have your goal, will also be obvious. State this, document this make sure you know what will be present when you achieve your goal. What is the evidence that will let you know you have hit it?  this really needs to be a tangible thing. Feeling a certain way or noticing a difference is not strong enough piece of evidence. 

What will be real for you when you have done this goal?
Think sensory:  What will you see, hear, think and feel when you have achieved that goal?

Context

How will this goal apply to your life? In what context? let’s say your goal is to be a powerful authoritative speaker, to want to be that your children? Context plays a big part in understanding the how and where you’d like to have your goal and in what context.  Some goals or well-formed outcomes are only suitable in certain areas of our lives. Get clarity on where you want to have or be or do this goal. Give it some context. phere and when do you want to have this?

Where and when do you not want this?
Where and when do you want this goal?

Self achievable

Wouldn’t it be nice if we were able to rely on others to achieve our goals? All of your goals need to be self-achievable and self-maintained. This way, you remain fully in control and in charge of your destiny and what it is you’d like to create. Having a goal that says:  “I want my wife to be a multimillionaire book author so that I can travel the world”.  This is, in fact, a lovely goal and thought to have. But it’s not within your control.  Maintaining control for your own goals gives you power.

Can you achieve this goal yourself?
Do I need anybody’s help to achieve this goal?
What’s currently standing in my way of achieving this goal?
What do I need to know or learn to achieve this goal?

Advantages & Disadvantages

Changes create changes. Sorry, this is a famous Mike sweet quote of obviousness. This really means if you were to change something, then more often than not other things change or have to change as a result of that. Take a goal of going to the gym five mornings a week.
There goes that snoozing habit that you have enjoyed for the past seven years. being mindful of all the things that we could gain or lose by aiming for a goal is crucial to check how realistic the goal is all of what is that you need to do beforehand.

What other advantages are there of me going for this goal?
What disadvantages our there?
Imagining now achieving that goal, what is it you will lose? 

Worthwhile

Starting goals or task is usually easy. Keeping them going is the difficult thing. we talk about willpower, tenacity and motivation to follow through with goals. Therefore it’s prudent to make them worthwhile and important to you from the outset. Having a goal that is in line with your values are your beliefs makes the chance of achieving them far more likely. 

In the context of your goals:

What’s important to you?
What will this do for you?
What is the benefit of this outcome?
Why is now the right time to do this?

 

The post 003 – Goal Setting and Well Formed Outcomes appeared first on Mike Sweet.

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Mike Sweet clean 8:54
002 – Cause And Effect https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/002-cause-and-effect/ Fri, 04 Dec 2015 12:13:44 +0000 http://www.mikesweet.co.uk/?p=237 https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/002-cause-and-effect/#respond https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/002-cause-and-effect/feed/ 0 <p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/002-cause-and-effect/">002 – Cause And Effect</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk">Mike Sweet</a>.</p>

NLP In Action

Welcome to NLP In Action. NLP insights and practical tips to help you discover what NLP has for you.

002 – Cause and Effect

This is Episode 002 of the NLP In Action podcast. I this show I’ll cover the cause and effect principle. A fundamental principle and even life skill. Understanding Cause and effect and knowing where you are can empower you and allow you to achieve what you want to in life.

I remember the first time I heard about cause and effect, and it was at a Chris Howard NLP event in around 2007. Time to admit something here, I arrived at the event about 40 minutes late, to around 2000 people shouting “CAUSE” and then “EFFECT”. At different times while Chris was talking. Naturally, I was curious.

Cause-and-Effect in its very basic form can transform the way you live your life. If you’re a person that lives at the effect end, then you simply go through life just allowing life to happen to you. These people that believe they have no choice in how their life pans out, sometimes you can recognise these people as the victim.

These people believe that there are no other options available to them. Whether it’s a redundancy at work, and illness in the family, being overweight, failed marriages and many more reasons, whatever happens to these people, it’s happening to them without any ability to change or alter the outcome.

There is another way though!

When you decide to live at the cause end of the spectrum, then you are the master of your destiny. Being a course means that you take full ownership and accountability and responsibility for everything that happens in your life.  Did you notice before I said this is a spectrum, and dependent upon the circumstances, people will be in different places on the cause-and-effect spectrum depends on the context and situation?

An individual who is at cause will have an entirely different outlook and belief system within their life. Being at Cause allow that person to feel that they are the primary cause of everything that happens in the life. Almost as if they are manifesting and creating the life they desire.

A person at cause would take a redundancy notice as a sign that perhaps they weren’t pulling their weight, and it was time to move on and retrain to become a better person for another company.

A person at cause when faced with an illness, may decide to do whatever they can to help repair or recover from the disease or illness, perhaps by exercising or diet. And again just for clarity a person who was at the effect end of the spectrum would blame the doctors and the health care system, and carry on eating an inadequate diet without feeling that they could control any part of it.

Milton Model and Meta Model Cause and Effect

There are two more parts to cause-and-effect that show up in NLP.  And again, it’s along with a spectrum of Milton Model versus Meta Model.

The Milton Model variation would be to use cause-and-effect as a way to allow a person to absorb an embedded command. Another example is that cause-and-effect statements are straightforward to agree upon. The fact that you’ve read all this post, the fact that you’ve watched all this video means that you are going to be to grasp NLP very quickly.

Now that statement isn’t true, necessarily. But when a suggestion is put within a cause-and-effect model then it’s effortless for a person to agree.

I’ve learnt many different cause-and-effect models from lots of NLP trainers which is what makes my training so comprehensive!  Again, another cause-and-effect.

The Meta-model variation of cause and effect and how to notice it is just the opposite. It’s beneficial in businesses and with teams. You’ll hear in offices every single day comments like “I was late to work, because of the traffic”  You see that X equals Y pattern again?

When you grasp Cause-and-Effect model, you may be surprised how frequently you hear in people’s language, as a manager, or person in authority. (I hate the word Authority, but you know what a mean). Then you’re able to challenge those people’s cause and effect to hopefully shift them into being at cause.

Listen for patterns like:

Team Member: “My sales have been slow this month it’s because it’s the summer holiday.” 
You: “Is there anyone else in the office it whos sales haven’t slumped this season?”

Team Member: “I’ll never hire the right person for my team because we don’t have enough budget.”
You: “Are you saying you the rest of your team are underpaid?”

When you begin to pay attention to people’s languages, then you’ll notice that it’s littered with excuses and cause-and-effect. Whenever you can, question the cause-effect patterns you hear. Using the Meta Model and see if you can enrichen another person’s world.

 

 

 

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Mike Sweet clean
001- What Is NLP – Podcast https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/001-what-is-nlp-podcast/ Fri, 04 Dec 2015 11:17:50 +0000 http://www.mikesweet.co.uk/?p=226 https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/001-what-is-nlp-podcast/#respond https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/001-what-is-nlp-podcast/feed/ 0 <p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk/001-what-is-nlp-podcast/">001- What Is NLP – Podcast</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.mikesweet.co.uk">Mike Sweet</a>.</p>

NLP In Action

Welcome to NLP In Action. NLP insights and practical tips to help you discover what NLP has for you.

This is Episode 001 of the NLP In Action podcast and it just has to be. What Is NLP? This is the first of many in this series and you can expect 10 minutes of insight into the still misunderstood world of NLP.

I need to start by saying what NLP isn’t! Strange, I know but the web is full comments and unhelpful information that I feel this needs to be said.

It’s not mind-magic
It’s not snake oil
And it’s certainly not some kind of cult

Now that is off my chest, let’s begin with finding out “what is NLP? NLP is fascinating. NLP was formed as part of the study back in the 70s. By Richard Bandler and John Grinder. They set to work to discover how certain psychotherapists were achieving results with clients rapidly, where others simply couldn’t produce any. Bandler and grinder a mathematician and a linguist began the process of modelling the psychotherapists. Modelling means uncovering strategies and techniques that people were using to create excellent results. This is where the explanation “NLP is the study of excellence” comes from.

So let’s start there shall we. NLP wasn’t formulated or concocted by two nutty professors trying to manipulate people. Lots of what’s taught in NLP is the output of what works or has worked, repeatably. It makes sense doesn’t it, to understand processes and strategies that are working for people and copy them. Well, the technical term is modelling, and that really is the essence of NLP.

NLP is growing rapidly. It’s not just in business, individuals are also using NLP to create transformations in their life. The study of NLP has discovered sets of tools and approaches, even beliefs that been proven to enhance human performance in all walks of life. For sports people to management teams from healthcare professionals to public figures. Neuro-linguistic Programming (NLP) has touched most areas what will you do with NLP and where will you take it?

The Three key benefits of NLP

  • Modelling excellence – You can find what works in another person strategy and model that process to dramatically reduce the time to learn that very same excellence. Tasks like spelling, running and even how a Chef operates so effectively can be modelled. Hey, to make it simple. if you see something someone is doing with excellence, you can model it.
  • Changing our behaviours and beliefs –  This is a real biggie, when you think about human performance and optimisation then it really does have to start with changing or replacing certain behaviours or beliefs.
  • Enhanced communication and understanding – I believe that the models discovered through observing effective communication are the parts of NLP that literally everyone can benefit from.

Modelling

Think of the possibilities that modelling to bring you.  What does the exceptional sales person within the office do the others don’t you can’t quite put your finger on. How do some leaders inspire, how can some people write novels in weeks and not years, what is the difference that makes the difference?  This is what we seek to discover whenever we model a person’s excellence.

Changing behaviours and beliefs

Okay, let’s start with the behaviours piece. Again, thinking in the context of modelling and achieving excellence. There are certain behaviours that are conducive to create an excellent. Behaviours like, tenacity, curiosity, enthusiasm, mental flexibility to name a few. And the list really is endless, think about all those slightly negative behaviours you’d like to replace, the ones that again in the way of you achieving your goals or affecting your life in some way. Behaviour change is a massive part of NLP.

Intertwined into behaviours are our beliefs. We generally behave in a way that is in line with our beliefs. A quick example of why a change in belief can be so powerful. Think about the story when Roger Bannister ran the four-minute mile for the first time. he had a belief that he could do it, and sure enough, we did. Then think what happened.  as soon as Roger ran that four-minute mile, then it was far easier for people to believe what was possible for themselves, after all, he was only human. Our beliefs limit us in so many ways. And the beauty of beliefs you can just decide to believe something different any time you choose. it is within your control and you can change and improve your life…….. Do you believe that?

Enhanced communication and understanding

We communicate daily, we cannot, not communicate, whether it’s verbally non-verbally. That there’s an issue with human communication our languages open to misconceptions, and misunderstandings. We act, and react to communication based on what we think we understand it to be.  NLP has uncovered some phenomenal communication tools. NLP tools can allow you to be heard clearly, effectively and correctly. Apart from getting your voice heard with clarity, you can also begin to understand where another person is coming from.

Whether you agree with this or not, we all talk to ourselves. Come on, admit it, you’re probably even chatting to yourself at the side while you’re reading or watching this!  As Mark Twain famously said:

“I’ve had a lot of worries in my life, most of which never happened.”

This really does sum it up, we are always communicating with ourselves. Some good and some bad. Why on earth do we allow ourselves to talk to ourselves negatively or about things that haven’t happened, even may not happen, and then feel bad about it?

Nuts I tell you….  coming back to the piece on modelling. Some people are able to quite the voices down in the head very easily, some people are able to generate motivation and tenacity from within, some people are able to not run that negative internal process making them feel bad. And there’s a strategy and a model for that. Sometimes we are best friends and our worst enemies. Imagine being able to quieten down that bully part and allow the real you to thrive. Hopefully you now have more of an idea of what is NLP.

Who is NLP for?

Everyone?

  •  Salespeople
  •  Parents
  •  Negotiators
  •  Sports professionals
  •  Health-conscious people
  •  Coaches
  •  Married couples
  •  Marketers and advertisers
  •  Solicitors and barristers
  •  People looking for love
  •  Or anyone who just wants to learn how to feel better or understand themselves.

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This is episode number 1 on the NLP In Action Podcast and in this show I will give in insight to NLP and where it came from and its purpose and applications. Mike Sweet clean 10:41