Living The Life

Your story creates your life. I’m not on about here creating your life story, I’m really talking about the ability to create a story or reason for a part of your life that has, or maybe want to happen.

This is a life principle that I really wish was taught from a young age, as it would save people so much time and emotional damage as they go through life. Having the ability to create a solid story about a time in your life that empowers you really is the secret to allow you to keep on moving forward, without regrets and only lessons learned. Effective storytelling to yourself about an event can not only allow you to overcome something that you once felt was tragic or numbing, but when done correctly, it can be the catalyst for change and it can fuel your growth and future.

Example of story telling

Let me run through an example of how we all understand each of us has our own story about an event, and how those stories define our outcomes and our beliefs thereafter. Imagine for a moment, that four people on a high street witness an armed robbery of a jewelry store, right in front of their very eyes. All of these people with a within 10 feet of all of the action while it happened. When the police arrived at the scene and take everyone’s account of what they saw, each and every person will give a slightly different variation than the next, and it’s even possible that some people witnessed what could be described as a completely different event al together which is very interesting! More interestingly though, those same four people who witnessed the armed robbery will all tell a very different story to themselves and others about what happened, and how they felt about it.

Witness number one:  Since the event, I’ve been extremely scared of shopping in the High Street, and on extremely wary of groups of men of four or more. And I don’t think I’ll ever be able to go into a jewelry store again.

Witness number two: I was really shaken by the event, and since that time I have realised that danger is potentially on every corner, after seeing those armed men I have decided to embark on self-defence training, and since doing so I feel really powerful and I can protect my family, some could say empowered.

Witness number three: The high Street brings back a number of thoughts and emotions. But the thing that really stays with me is how effective the police were handling the situation and how calming they were soon as they arrived to the scene. Having never been in a crime like this, I had a different view of police officers, and this has absolutely transformed my view and made me feel that we do live in a caring and supporting environment, but I also understand that bad things do sometimes happen. Wrong place wrong time maybe?

Witness number four: It’s been six months now since the armed robbery, and I’m struggling to go out every single day. It doesn’t matter where I am, but if I see any man I begin to panic and think it’s all going to happen again, I’ve lost a lot of weight, and feel that these men have not only stole jewellery, but stole my life and don’t know where to turn.

Each one of the fabricated witnesses above has given a statement, and I dare say all of them you can relate to or at lease believe. The important bit though is how they can completely differ from some people gaining from a terrible event and others becoming traumatised by exactly the same event. The events don’t create lasting feelings, regrets, or belief changes. The stories we tell ourselves about those things are what have the power.

The real blessing

Thankfully, if the event doesn’t create the feelings, and the stories do, then who creates the stories? Well, you know all too well. It’s you! If you’ve had something happened to you, such as a traumatic event or experience you always have the chance to go over that event again and design a whole new story for you. Spending time on these events that may be bothering you or causing you trauma is absolutely crucial. If you just take from this that it’s not the event it’s the story we tell ourselves about the event that causes issues that least you’ve taken the first step.

How to create a better story

As I said above, it is you that it has the chance to create the story, but why do some people create a story that is helpful rather than a hindrance? Well, this all comes down to the quality and type of questions you ask yourself.

Great questions are things like:  What have I learned from this? How was this made me a better person? How can I use this to grow? How can I be grateful that this happened to me? Initially, these type of questions can cause frustration. But that’s just because you haven’t given them time yet. Start with great questions and you’ll realise that you’re able to come up the resources to answer those questions, and as soon as you do, you’ll begin to fabricate a whole new story that comes with it, a whole new set of feelings and understandings.

Rubbish questions are things like:  Why me? What would have happened if they had shot me? When will this happen again? What if this happens to my children?

You only have to read both sets of questions and realise how you feel straight after to understand the power you have to create a new outcome.

The takeaway from today is: ” the quality of questions you ask yourself defines the quality of stories you store, which allow you to feel empowered”

Listen up, and see what else you learn and discover during this podcast, and leave me comments or contact me on social media to discuss anything.